Show 6 y J IMAGINARY INTERVIEWS AD ADOLF OLF AND l The kaiser was teas a man who lacked any strength or power of resistance But in me our enemies have found a man who does lacs not know the word capitulate capitulate II Hitler cr Spirit of Wilhelm Wilhelm-Ach Wilhelm Ach Cant Can't you leave me out of this Adolf Adolf What What for At a time like this I need you for contrast Wilhelm Wilhelm-Don't Wilhelm Don't Dont be too sure its it's in your favor Its It's not very nice nice of you to pan me in your speeches What's the idea saying I lacked strength I was just as tough as you so long as the going was good Adolf I Adolf-I I will always be be tough whether its it's good or bad Wilhelm Wilhelm-That's Wilhelm That's just what I used to say Adolf I Adoll-I I insist there is a big difference between your type and my type Wilhelm Vilhelm Ill I'll Ill I'll never argue with you on that I concede it Adolf After Adolf-After After all you ran away I Iam Iam am incapable of that Wilhelm How Wilhelm-How How do you know You haven't come to the test yet If I were you I wouldn't boast so much Adolf All Adolf-All All Germans boast Wilhelm But Wilhelm-But But it seems strange to hear you dragging me into the pic pic- pic- pic ture Why dont don't you let me rest in peace Adolf I Adolf-I I cant can't rest in peace why should anybody else Its It's a sign of weakness to rest in peace Wilhelm The Wilhelm-The The last I heard of you you were going full speed ahead You weren't even thinking about relative capacities for capitulation What's happened Adolf Nothings Nothing's Nothings Nothing's happened yet Ive I've got more territory than ever Ive I've made deeper advances than any German in all history Do you understand what that means Wilhelm Wilhelm-If Wilhelm If I dont don't nobody does Adolf Ive I've Ive I've overrun overrun a vast part of Europe No German armies have performed such f feats ats of arms My victories have been stupendous Wilhelm Wilhelm Vilhelm True And I understand understand under under- stand just how nervous and worried worried wor wor- ried vied you must be at this point Adolf I Adoll-I I am not nervous or worried Wilhelm Oh Wilhelm-Oh Oh come Adolf you cant can't stuff me I was on top of the world too once Adolf N Adolf-N Never Adolf-Never Never ever did you get as deep into as many countries as I have That's Wilhelm-That's Wilhelm That's why I appreciate what a mess youre you're in I went all to pieces on half your victories Adolf You Adolf-You You lacked nerve firmness firmness firmness firm firm- ness strength I have all these Wilhelm Wilhelm-I I was as full of bluster as you until America came in And look where I wound up Adolf Theres There's There's Theres different stuff in me Its It's Wilhelm Its It's the same stuff only you slice it thicker Adolf And Adolf-And And dont don't mention Amer Amer- Amer mer- mer ica It is decadent weak pleasure loving and inept in arms Wilhelm That's Wilhelm-That's That's what I thought Adolf I Adolf-I I can ean never be defeat defeat- ed The German people have havea a destiny to rule the world Defeat is out of the question Wilhelm I I wish you wouldn't steal my stuff Adolf Im I'm Im I'm not stealing your stuff Wilhelm Yes Wilhelm-Yes Yes you ou are Everything Ev Ev- Ev- Ev cr thing you are now saying I Isaid Isaid Isaid said 25 years ago yet I finished on a woodpile Adolf They'll Adolf-They'll They'll never get me meon meon meon on a woodpile What Wilhelm-What What odds are you giving HITLER SPEAKS Oh gaze at me mc and you'll behold wId The Thc essence o of f the extra bold Some flaws laws in others you ou may see Hut But you au will ivill not find one in ME That dreadful word capitulate 1 Is one I l loathe and also hate The kaiser ran when in a fix But hut could I do it Who Me Nix To flee be sure 1 I never neter will willAs As ds did that warlord Kaiser Bill Dill He lIe got t this break breal when luck wore ore thin thin thin- There was a place that LET HIM lIIM IN Elmer Twitchell swears that he went to a lunchroom where the waiter gave him a lump of sugar and asked him how little coffee he wanted with it In California lettuce has been ruled a non-essential non crop If there is ever a lettuce shortage what will the average drugstore do for sandwiches sandwiches sandwiches sand sand- Once upon a time all a parent had to do 10 HIM UtU to remember where his boy was Has fight ing Now he lie has ha to remember where the place is where he remembers his boy is fighting We Ve hope the war post-war world will willbe willbe willbe be so arranged as to dispose of the fellows who compose those jingles for the radio commercials Wilbur Wood observes that France is so far the only country country country coun coun- try in the war that has been on both sides and also in the middle |