Show i y I I WU THE TIIE AUTO HORN SOLUTION Mayor l LaGuardia of New York bin n b i nin in another campaign against auto automobile automobile automobile mobile horns but make the same mistake others make when he thinks anything can be dom dons about auto horns except the darned things Campaigns tc tt soften the notes decrease the volume vol volume volume ume and dilute the pitch are silly An auto horn is an auto horn anyway anyway any way you take it the human being what it is today It t or j 1 1 j I I II I II I Caricature of Mayor l LaGuardia by Jack Rosen which won first prize recently in Astoria Waldorf-Astoria employ employees ees exhibition in arts and crafts f The mere presence of a horn on onan onan onan an automobile transforms a driver into a speed maniac a pig and a fathead with the manners of a dictator dictator dic die and the ethics of a gangster He can own a revolver without the slightest yen to use it he can possess a shotgun without the least impulse to use it but put an automobile automobile auto auto- mobile horn under his control and he becomes a potential assassin with all the instincts of a hungry hyena It is the horn said Elmer Elmei Twitchell today that gives an auto owner the Nero complex shucks shuck him of all remnants of civilized impulses impulses im im- im pulses and makes him a plain damned fool filled with the idea that all he has to do is to press pres the button to make the whole world jump I dont don't care whether it is a loud horn or a soft horn a bass horn or a acanary acanary acanary canary a blaster or a doop boop-a-doop- er nothing can prevent the owner from making a nuisance out of it I and Mayor LaGuardia is suffering from drooping intelligence if he thinks otherwise All the reckless driving all the violations of automobile laws all the I disrespect for the rights of other I highway users and most of the auto accidents are due to the horn and I to nothing else Take that horn oil oft the car and the driver would be forced to depend on common sense I Back in the horse and buggy I days you didn't see teams crashing I into one another at every crossroad or wobbling all over the road at breakneck speed did you And why not Because they never had horns on horses Yes sir this world started going going go go- ing savage the day the first horn was clamped to a gasoline vehicle It started swelling up with inconsiderateness inconsiderateness inconsiderateness self-importance self and the with to-hell-with-everybody-else spirit the first time an auto designer put a button under a car owners owner's calloused thumb It converted a nation of tolerant tolerant tolerant tol tol- tol- tol going easy-going kindly folks into a country of mannered bad-mannered jittery wild-riding wild mean and homicidal dogs It made bigger and better hospitals the never-ceasing never need of o America And there will be no change until until un un- til the horn is removed made unconstitutional unconstitutional un un- un constitutional and plowed under for all time Man wont won't be so reckless so selfish and so pigheaded once he has to depend on brakes instead of breach of the peace CHILBLAINS Dont rush the season says the theman theman theman man Who claims he likes winter sports But yesterday I caught him with A folder on Southern resorts Doris Irving t SHORT SnORT STORY A motor car A little horn A human thumb And peace is gorn Women's hats for spring and summer sum sum- mer are being taken from the old family album Instead of out of old numbers of Puck and Judge A New Jersey court holds that anybody wanting walking on a moving escalator escalator esca esca- lator does so at his or her own risk Not only that but it looks so darned silly Elmer Twitchell in our opinion always had d the right idea on escalators escalators escalators esca- esca and energy conservation He always sits down on them |