Show BROADWAY AND MAIN STREET It now Louie Comes Up With a Good Goad Suggestion By BILLY ROSE Did anyone ever tell you the story of Louie Know-It-All-Louie the East Side tough guy who thought he knew everything about everything Well its it's been told retold and in the coffeehouses coffeehouses coffeehouses coffee coffee- houses of Allen Street for as long as I can remember and today in the interests of folklore and folderol Id I'd like to pass ass it along As timers old tell it Louie had achieved quite a reputation as a know all by the time he was kicked out of P PS S. S 20 after spending three years in the seventh grade And before he had worn out his first pair of bellbottoms this reputation had carried over into the poolrooms of the section where he seldom played but s' s never missed a chance to criticize t those who did On the rare occasions when he did play he always had a 4 handy excuse for his ineptness the Ineptness the cushions were vere too fast t the h e balls gay Billy Rose Rosa weren't true etc and so on LOUIES LOUIE'S OMNISCIENCE 01 was if it anything even greater when it came to matters mechanical Any Anytime time he saw a fellow tinkering with his is car it was only a matter of seconds before the know alls head was right under the the- hood with the own owners owner's rs r's and if the guy took his advice he usually wound up with witha a face full of soot and a triple repair repair re reo re- re pair bill t I Understandably the mouth loud got to be known around the East EastSide EastSide EastSide Side as Know All Louie and just justas as understandably his brassiness finally attracted the attention of a local hoodlum known as Nick the Carp who at the time was planning to burgle a wholesale furrier and needed a nervy kid to drive the getaway getaway getaway get get- away car When he outlined the job to Louie Loule he said Remember no guns Da watchman izza ol of guy and I can handle him easy I aint lookin fer ferno ferno ferno no more trouble than I Louie of oj course cot had his his' ou own oun ideas ideal on proper stick up procedure procedure procedure dure and lost no time tim in in passing on his expert opinion to on one of oj Nicks Nick's henchmen Delta Bella pack a arod arod rod jut fils' in case h he be advised Suppose a ol of guy spots spols ya a an starts Th The night of oj Ih the job fob Louis Louie parked th the car down dOll th the block a bit and began thinking about how hed he'd spend his share of tbs tha tb loot but within a matter mailer of minutes minutes minutes min min- utes there ther were shots and Nick and the boys came running back Ya said Nick to the henchmen who had taken Louies Louie's advice Ya put three slugs in da ol of man an now were we're were in trouble Drive slow Louie in case any cops is is' aroun Dere Dore aint no cops aroun here dis time a night said the thc know know-it- all all passing through a red light Suddenly a prowl car scooted around a corner and forced them to the curb the cops had the bracelets on the thieves before Louie even had a chance to criticize their driving e eNICK NICK THE CARP turned States State's evidence and settled for to 20 and Louie might have done the same but he insisted he could win an ac ac- ac I know da law he saidI saidI said I atta aUa scene a da crime I block away And when I get inna witness chair Ill I'll tell em ema a ting or two Well as it turned out the know know- all it-all told em so many things that the judge sentenced him to the electric elec trio chair I b bee been e e n my own said Louie Dat offa lawyer couldn hardly talk no no English It would b be nice nic to chronic chronicle that Know Know-It Louis Know All Louit reformed re during the last mournful mile but I wouldn't b be sticking slicking to th the th coffeehouse col facts Actually h be lectured the warden on how to torun torun torun run a prison complained because the cook hadn't rubbed his last steak fl with lh garlic and when his head bead and calves were being shaved he even advised the barber barber bar bar- ber on bow to angle the razor Finally Louie was led into the little room with the big chair and strapped in but in-but but he wasn't through yet When the executioner threw the switch all aU that happened was a cracking flash Dash from the fuse box Da fuse aint big enough ta to carry da load advised Louie Loule from under his helmet Ya need a bigga one A few minutes later he was very dead Know It Louie Loule had finally come up with a suggestion on that worked |