Show BROADWAY AND MAIN STREET Uncle Charlie Delancey Street Sets a Trap u By BILLY ROSE My Uncle Charlie is a man like this Do him a favor and youve you've got got or or are stuck with with with-a a friend for life For instance Forty years ago when Charlie married my Aunt Frieda FrIcda and moved Into a flat on Allen street things were so tough that they seldom knew where their next boiled potato was coming from and the couple would have gone hungry many a night had it not been for a kindly baker on Delancey De Dew lancey street named Schultz who occasionally slipped them a bag of stale bread V r L I ow l I r nt 4 n Inh h mv my LILy u gui U U a JUU JOD and began bringing home a fairish buck he kept up his friendship with Schultz and to this day if il my aunt so much as buys an oni onion n roll from another baker bak bak- er hell he'll shout In Youre You're f nipping the hand e- e that once was feed feed- Y ing us uslA A c couple 0 u pIe of ot months ago Charlie f fIn finally I n a 1 II 1 y got a chance to square Billy Rose Rosa up his longstanding stand long ing debt when a Viennese gentleman named Dunkel- Dunkel meyer opened a bakeshop a few tew doors away from Schultz's rundown rundown rundown run run- down establishment ment It was quite a layout layout newly newly complete with chromium counters and as if that weren't enough an hermetic hermetic- hermetic i sealed ally-sealed display window outlined outlined outlined out out- lined with neon tubing C C SHORTLY AFTER he tie opened the Viennese began to spread it around that his competitor used unsanitary methods and that the raisins in his cupcakes sometimes had wings This of course was hitting below the breadbasket but It brought results and and as of ot a few weeks ago the old bakers baker's shop was as deserted as a nightclub a at noon a f What Whal youre you're needing to stop this Lately Come Jakie-Co Jakie Lately me-Lately my Uncle Und Un Un- d cle dc Charlie told his friend on one day is s public relations Wont do tto no good said Schultz Even my private relations rela re ar are buying from Dunkel- Dunkel meyer Then advertise said Charlie I 1 am recommending Durstein and pardon and pardon the expression expressIon Osborn Four fellas for one job said the old baker Who J could afford it Besides you should fix up your window For instance lay layout out the bagels like an American flag Waste of time said Schultz but Taut I got another idea This Dun- Dun kelmeyer is using machines to mix his dough and maybe your wife wile Frieda could talk it around that on his rolls ho he is sprinkling metal filings instead of ot poppy seeds Too big a risk said fald my uncle could answer back back- that there is fingernails in your pumpernickel So what said Schultz Betten Better Better Bet ter ten a fingernail than nuts and bolts THE NEXT EVENING as the theold theold old man was closing the store i. 1 v Charlie asked to borrow his keys Maybe with the cellar key he said 1 could get into Dunkel- Dunkel meyers meyer's basement On this block said Schultz the locks are mostly the same But what business you got in his Ws basement It came to me a n thought said my uncle but dont don't worry Ill I'll be delicate like a ladyfinger That night happened to be ha Saturday and Delancey street street street- the Champs Elysee of oj the EastSide East Easl Side Sid Side was as hop a-hop with window- window shoppers and around 10 a crowd croud began to m mob o b elm eyers eyer's s window And small wonder wonder- two Iwo mice mica were wera nibbling at th the tb groom on top of 01 a seven layer wedding cake while a third peeped in shy ecstacy from be- be hind bind the brides bride's wedding dress When the w were re 10 deep Charlie elbowed his way to the window Is on account Dunkel Dunkel- meyer has his mixing machines in the cellar he explained to the crowd In them the mice are building nests Well that did It and a few days later when my ray uncle breezed breez d into his friends friend's shop the Dutchman kissed him on both cheeks is kaput kaput he said It wasn't ethics but it brought back the tho customers Up to public relations said Charley modestly How you drilled a hole from the cellar up to window window window win win- dow I can understand i said S Schultz hultz but where did you get I the mice In such a hurry Simple said my uncle I set seta a trap cage-trap In your pantry next to I the cheese strudel i I. I |