Show what II thinks about How to Be Fair S SANTA CANTA ANTA MONICA CALIF n Every time the heirs to an undivided estate start litigating litigating litigating ing I think of a decision which had in it more wisdom more common sense and more fairness fairness fairness fair fair- ness than even King Solomons Solomon's inspired justice I cant can't remember whether 1 t a ruler upon the throne or a judge 1 upon the bench who I M handed down this 1 1 ruling ruling But t two w o t i brothers fell out outI 4 I lover over a proper division division divi divi- 0 p sion of their fathers father's r- r i I possessions Accordingly Accordingly Accord Accord- y t tingly they carried I y yI I t the e dispute to a n higher court of the 4 I land j I So his majesty or W his worship or his I honor as the case Irvin s. s Cobb I j may have been said I Let the older brother apportion the property into what he regards j as two equal shares shares and and then let the younger brother have first choice of the shares But of course the lawyers couldn't have favored the plan It was too beautifully simple to suit any lawyer in any age The American Ameri Ameri- can Bar association would just naturally naturally naturally nat nat- despise it Cemetery Salesmen I T RECEIVED a letter from one of 1 our plushiest cemeteries We Ve have some of the plushiest cemeteries cemeteries cemeteries teries on earth its it's a positive pleasure pleas pleas- ure to be dead out here I was urged to invest in a highly desirable lot for only a few thousand thousand thousand thou thou- sand smackers or buy a perfectly lovely crypt slightly crypt slightly more expensive expensive expensive sive but most luxurious I Through some private whim or pique I failed to answer this tempting tempting tempt tempt- ing communication Today I received received received re re- re- re an appealing up follow let let- ter I gather that if I neglect this splendid opportunity Ill I'll live to regret regret regret re re- re- re gret it Or maybe I wont Such thoughtful attention merits response Im I'm replying as follows Dear gents Space in a graveyard graveyard graveyard grave grave- yard is the last thing I shall require When that time tune comes somebody else will do the shopping Trusting these few lines may find you the same yours gratefully But if a representative calls in person personas personas per per- son son son-as as he will will will-I'm Im I'm a gone gosling Those slick talkers always do get me You just lust ought to see my collection collection collection col col- col- col lection of oil stocks Now theres there's something that does need burying Making l Juleps S COME O OME rE disputatious soul seeks to reopen the ancient debate over the proper recipe for mint julep I decline the invitation Since the Dred Scot decision nothing has stirred up as much bitter contro contro- controversy controversy controversy versy south of the Ohio river North of the Ohio river doesn't count The Yankee conception of a julep is calculated to make a host of sleeping Kentucky brigadiers rise up from their respective Bourbon casks and start giving the rebel hiss Naturally the only perfect julep is the Paducah julep Just drop in next summer and sample the real product on its native heath not heath not at ata ata ata a saloon where the bartender is likely to have heretical ideas such as using preserved fruits and even putting the sugar syrup in first which amounts to downright crime but but in the private home 0 Vest Western ern Superiority IN N BORNEO tigers sla slay such an incredible host of natives that the yearly vearly mortality is proportionately almost tenth one-tenth as gre great t as the average number of persons who willbe will willbe willbe be wiped out in traffic fatalities on American highways during any given given given en 12 months In India owing to the refusal of those benighted Hindus to destroy any living creature inhabitants inhabitants inhabitants tants annually are killed by venomous venomous venomous venom venom- ous serpents whereas in this country country country coun coun- try in 1936 we spent only 15 billions for crime or 18 times as much as we spent on national defense yet managed to let many poisonous human human human hu hu- hu- hu man snakes go free to build up murder murder murder mur mur- der statistics In Japan geisha girls are governmentally governmentally governmentally govern- govern mentally licensed and protected which is indeed an affront to the principles of an enlightened people who patronize so-called so worlds world's fairs that are dependent on unabashed nudity for popular favor and shows dependent on foul lines and nasty situations IRVIN S. S COBB Copyright Service |