| Show I tit I I oLL oLLI I about I Ii i U. U S. S Lags Behind CALIF I HOLLYWOOD HOLLY H What That I saw at the national air races in Los Angeles set meto me meto meto to thinking Its It's a dangerous thing thinking thing thinking is and is-and and nearly al always always always al- al I ways upsetting to the peace of I mind Im I'm thinking that no longer is the navy our first line of defense nor northe northe the army the second line Im I'm thinking r. S. S II that the chief chef peril peril peril- and the chief security R t i. I ty ty from that peril- peril f is in the air now I And of a all the t great we weare powers I r r are are the most woefully woefully woe woe- i fully behind in the ma matter tt et 0 of f. f airplane 1 ane Wf It would A protection f WY Y take us two years to tomake tomake make our air air force Irvin S. S Cobb I as strong as it was four years ago It would take inI infinitely in in- I finitely ly longer than that to make makeI I it as strong as the present footing I at of any country which conceivably might attack us Well we could always lock the stable after the horse was gone gone if if the stable hadn't been blown flat Rules for Long Life A J JAPANESE AP ANESE doctor has landed with the word that by following following following follow follow- ing afew a few simple rules a fellow lives to be years old He didn't say but I figure this applies only to those of us who never go motor motor- ing I The principal rules are to sleep on a hard mattress with a metal pillow and learn to wriggle like a goldfish Whether in time the beginner beginner be be- ginner sprouts gills and a fantail is not stated but it sounds plausible Ive I've already spoken to a tinsmith about a pillow and on awakening this morning made a few experimental experimental experimental mental wriggles My intentions might fool some people but I dont don't believe they'd fool a goldfish unless hed he'd been drinking or something Im I'm afraid my finning was faulty Besides I didn't feel any too dignified I fied greeting fled greeting the dewy dawn by byI behaving I War Tar Names Confusing NOT N MOT OT content with coining eighty I or ninety separate different and confusing names for the opposing opposing opposing ing forces in an Spain the correspondents correspond correspond- have gone and up a plum bran new one one extremists Maybe though the point is well taken The dispatches would seem rather to indicate that quite a number number number num num- I ber of persons over there tere have lately lately lately late late- ly shown a tendency to verge toI toward toward to to- I ward the extreme And picking put out the various parties parties parties par par- ties mixed up in the French political political p I cal mess mess that's that's another tough job Only today I ran into this one one left left left- centrist It sort of suggests Ty Cobb Cobbin Cobbin in in his palmy days covering the 1 I outfield But that But that couldn't be because because bei be- be i i cause the French dont don't go in for baseball They prefer dueling as being being being be be- ing just as exciting I I must say its it's discouraging just justI I when by following the news from fromI I Paris Im I'm beginning to get the Reds I unscrambled from the Pale Pinks and the Mauves from the Heliotropes Heliotropes Heliotropes Helio Helio- tropes and the Holy Rollers from the Merry Widows to have this added added added add add- ed ed complication bust right in my I face Looks as though Ill I'll have to start it all over o again a I How to Reduce i EVER VER since the day when I was L j known among friends as Thyroid Thyroid Thyroid Thy Thy- roid Deficiency Irvy the human detour de- de del deo l I o tour Ive I've fought the losing fight against overweight I. I I I tried dieting and became the 1 I best friend the American spinach industry in- in i ever knew yet had only to I turn my head to brag and I Ire Ire- regained regained re- re gained practically instantaneously what Id I'd lost I exercised until I I had the jitters but when Id I'd taken I I off half a pound it bounced right back while the doctors were reviving reviving ing me But now Ive I've found the absolutely absolute absolute- ly certain cure for reduction Its It's working in a moving picture with little Jane Withers When she sets the pace you can track yourself back home by your own tion Another engagement with Janie and I could be rented out as my own living skeleton Has Memories of Valencia T TS T'S hard to I concentrate A on penA pennant pennant pen- pen nant fights in an the big leagues when we read of war-racked war Spain with already dead I hope the lovely old city of Valencia Valencia Va Va- lencia has escaped the common ru ru- ru- ru in Seven years ago I was travelIng travelIng travel- travel traveling Ing around and about over three continents and at every stop had listened morning noon and night to the son song g Valencia So a friend and I made a pilgrimage pilgrim pilgrim- age to the town in which presumably ably the thing originated and Valencia Valencia Va Va- I lencia turned out to be the one ones spot t on the map where nobody had ever played that tune or sung it or hummed it or whistled it or even heard of it I It was indeed a relief So we stayed a week The sherry and I egg before luncheon was also quite good all good all but the egg IRVIN S. S COBB C O C U Service |
