Show wa amu ar IL M d 1 ain lamich 0 about this business ot of golf AKLAND CALIF As I 1 sit 0 OAKLAND writing this I 1 look out where elderly gentlemen intent on relaxing may be seena tensing themselves up tigh tighter terl than a cocked wolf trap and then staggering toward thel thea clubhouse with every nerve standing on end and screaming for help and highballs I 1 smile at them for I 1 am one who has given up golf you might even go so far as to say golf gave me up I 1 I 1 tried and tried but I 1 never broke a typhoid patient patients s tern pera ture chart never got below I 1 spent so much 4 time climbing into sand traps and out again that people be gan thinking I 1 was a new kind of hermit living by irvin S cobb arence in bunkers the old man of the link beds they d be calling me next and I 1 used to slice so far into the rough that looking for my ball I 1 penetrated jungles where the foot of man hadn haan t trod since the early mound builders that s how I 1 added many rare specimens to my collection of indian relics but the last straw was when a scotch professional after morbidly watching my form told me that at any rate there was one thing about me which was correct I 1 did have on golf stoc stockings kingsl 1 congressional boldness W ARNING to pet lovers if you own guinea pigs or tame rabbits or trained seals or such like gentle creatures try to keep the word from them that some of the majority members of the lower branch of congress actually threatened tp defy their master s voice the senate always has been known as the world s greatest deliberative body and week by week and month by month don t those elder statesmen know how to deliberate but these last few years the house has earned the reputation of being the most docile legislative outfit since aesop s king stork ruled over the synod of the frogs so should the news ever spread among the lesser creatures hitherto so placid and biddable that an example had been set at washington there s no telling when the belgian hares will start rampaging and the singing mice will begin acting up rough and the grub worms will gang against the big old woodpecker professional orators W V E HAVE in southern califor ma nia a professional orator who long ago discovered that the most d dulcet music on earth was the sound of his own voice he 11 speak anywhere at the drop of the hat and provide the hat what s worse this coast defender of ours labors under the delusion that if he shouts at the top of his voice his eloquence will be all the more forceful the only way to avoid meeting him at dinner is to eat at an owl wagon but the other mg night ht at an important banquet he strangely was missing from the array of speakers at the head tables table one guest turned in amazement to his neighbor I 1 where s blank he inquired naming the absentee I 1 didn dian t you hear answered the other he ile busted a couple of ear drums whose said the first fellow toes I 1 oes of T p HE veteran rabbi stephen wise of new york has been reasonably outspoken in his views on nazi treatment of his own co religionist and the practitioners of other fait nJg as well and one of the most venerable prelates of the catholic church in europe while discussing the same subject chasn t exactly pulled his punches either so what A friend just back from a abroad broad tells me that in berlin he heard a high government officer fiercely denounce these two distinguished men about the mildest thing the speaker said about them was that both were senile somehow or other the speech wasn gasn t printed in m the german papers maybe by orders from on high well far be it from this innocent bystander to get into religious arguments and besides I 1 have no first hand knowledge as to the chris tian clergyman s state of health although judging by his utterances there s nothing particularly wrong with his mind but I 1 do know rab bi wise and if he s in his dotage so is shirley temple and I 1 risk the assertion that he would be perfectly willing to have one foot in the grave if it he could have the other on herr hitler s neck IRVINS IRVIN S COBB 0 service |