Show Birdie Says Tyro Drama Artiste Tells Bad Points Of Being on Stage By DENNY BIRD To the that vast body which sits out front of a stage to watch the performance of a legitimate stage play is some question the play goes and everything is perfectly No thought is given to major catastrophes which occur on stage to the or to the whirling passions seething Let us examine an actor during his His sanity is threatened by the ever-present fly which hovers solicitously attracted by the It is impossible to maintain an attitude of breezy insouciance while this minor pestilence is One can only aim a slap at the little blighter now and When one receives a telegram on the it is usually a serious and the actor must either look thunderstruck or gravely tap his teeth with a while suffering from an acute attack of suppressed The telegram begins and proceeds to get better and funnier as it goes causing the victim to turn purple under his seven-and-one half Then there is the matter of crepe hair beards- and One side of the fungus invariably works loose and quivers gently as the actor When he begins to it rocks like jelly in a high If anyone can keep a straight face while this is going he should go down in legend and in The inhalation process is equally When the actor begins to breathe passionately through his he visibly inhales part of his By the end of the second the moustache is down to a and its owner has hay The must make itself In the middle of a dramatic some loving hand improvises a tune on the bass This always goes over And what of the backstage passion There are innumerable things lurking waiting to leap out and crack one on the Every goes on stage licking some kind of wound inflicted by some convenient exposed piece of Many times do they stand on weltering in their own Every time an act goes the leading lady is in danger of being kissed these actors often display beast-like Just kissing the leading lady wouldn't be so bad in but it's usually a merry round of the We still wonder what the numerous technicians do to pass the time The audience just doesn't know about these They don't really |