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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Divorce Sometimes Is Justified Bell Syndicate WNU Features. . 1 My second husband's daughters rifle the ice box. He thinks everything they do is right. The girls say they are always busy with outside activities and have no time for home duties. By KATHLEEN NORRIS " T KNOW you hate divorce I and never advise it," writes Norma Brown, "but I want to know what you advise in my case. "Two years ago, after an ideally happy marriage, I was left widowed with a boy of 5. I was crushed, bewildered, bewil-dered, young, and within three months I suddenly married an old friend, a chiropractor, a man I had always regarded as an advisor, an older brother. broth-er. My mother was furious, and would not forgive me for months. Fred is 49; he had been recently divorced; he has two daughters, who were then IS and 15. Their mother takes them off for every other Saturday, coming com-ing back to dine with us on Sunday night. I now have a small girl baby, Ellen. "We have a large house; Fred's offices are in it, also a room for i the nurse. This nurse, who is friendly friend-ly enough to me, expected to marry my husband, when he and I eloped. I never knew this until lately. They had been engaged for a long while, . and although she laughed about it when she told me, the fact that she did not leave him indicates to me that she likes him still. "I have no servant; it is impossible impossi-ble to get anyone to come here for what Fred will pay. The girls do nothing, not even make their own beds; they come and rifle the ice box of my custards or sandwiches; everything they do is right in their father's eyes. Sometimes Milly, the nurse, helps me clear the table; nobody no-body else helps with housework, cooking, marketing, and the baby's needs and laundry. I am exhausted with fatigue most of the time; I never catch up. Both girls are in high school and they claim that with first-aid classes after hours and gym and Junior Red Cross they are always al-ways busy, and have no time for home duties. There Is No Harmony. "This would perhaps not be so serious se-rious if they were my own children, but there is no harmony between them and my own son, Phil. They tease and annoy him all the time, and my husband blames him. He would like to send Phil to his sister, who has children about his age, but I will not consent. Fred is passionately passion-ately devoted to his daughters, and over and over again he will plan for them some outing that doesn't include in-clude me. He takes them to movies, mov-ies, buys them whatever they want and this summer, during the very hottest weather went away with them for two weeks, leaving me at home with the small children. "This treatment has opened my eyes to the fact that I don't love him; I don't even like him, and I never will again. What he needed was a working housekeeper, and in these times he would have to pay her a good fat salary. "I slave and struggle all day and far into the night, and my reward is that Sally won't eat this and Eunice Eu-nice won't eat that; little Phil is sent away from the table to wash his hands or comb his hair, and Fred comments, kindly enough on my own appearance. 'Is this the pretty girl I married?' He also questions all bills, and has asked me twice if I ever got money from the stores and had ft charged on the bill. My heart U broken, but that doesn't mean I have to break my back, too. AN EXCEPTION In her advice to Norma Brown, Kathleen Norris makes an exception to her rule against divorce. Usually, she feels, divorce is just a lazy and immature way of settling grievances that are far less important im-portant than the integrity of the home and the unity of the family group. Read Norma Brown's letter carefully before be-fore you say to yourself that your problem, too, can only be solved by divorce. And remember re-member that you may lose more than you gain by divorce. It is still a last resort, and things must be very bad indeed beforeit is worth the sacrifice it inevitably means. "My mother is well-fixed; she has always despised Fred; she would gladly take me and my two children in and I could be of real help to her, for she takes summer boarders and has a few boarders all the year. But she keeps a fine colored cook and her daughter and what I would do would be only light work. I am thirsting for escape and for freedom. Fred, I suppose, would immediately marry his nurse. What She Would Do. "She practically told me the other day that in my place she would pack the girls off to school and get in a good servant, so it may not be all roses for him, but that isn't my affair. af-fair. My husband has never shown any 'affection for Ellen, my baby, and my old doctor told me as a joke that her father's welcome of a third daughter was a hearty curse. "Well, I have written you my problem. Am I justified in getting a divorce, in your opinion?" It was a foolish union from the first, for anyone with eyes in her head could see that such a household house-hold was no place for a young wife and a small boy. Yes, I think you would be justified in legally ending a union that never was real marriage, and in living hereafter for your mother and your children. It is a strange thing that a man like Fred can present the prospect to various women so charmingly that they are willing to sacrifice common sense and reason to leap into matrimony with him; certainly his office nurse has had every chance to study the situation. That you were young, plunged in grief, and that you had always looked upon Fred as a sort of big brother and guide, is your excuse; I hope you'll be a little more careful care-ful about a third experiment. At 27 you still have plenty of time to consider con-sider the serious thing that marriage mar-riage is. Fred could dispute your divorce, for in your state nothing that he has done is actionable. But if he is thinking of marrying his nurse he may not interfere with your going to Reno to establish a six-weeks' residence. resi-dence. Unjust Treatment. One would like to be able to get into the mind of a man like that, to find out just what he thinks he is, an East Indian Sultan or Superman or what? Not only to impose upon you himself, but to allow two untrained un-trained selfish girls to walk roughshod rough-shod over you; to restrict your purse, criticize your appearance, poison your first joy in your baby by a curse at her sex, and abandon you whenever he wants to go on a pleasure pleas-ure trip, is to treat you as though you were merely a mechanical device de-vice in his household and not a woman wom-an at all. |