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Show The Basement Philosopher. Br KENNETT HARRIS ( Caerrtf hi. Ml. Wr W. a Chau ) Ai tbe janitor descended the stairs from the corner apartment on the sec-and sec-and floor, he found bis Scandinavian isslRtant busily polishing the handle f the vestibule door. Tbe assistant looked up with bla usual amiable grin nd the Janitor seated himself on the? lowest stair and cleared bla throat with his ububI preliminary cough. "Neis, my friend," said the Janitor, "Just to show you that I'm a good fellow fel-low and alh't thinking of my own telflsh Interests all the time, I'll tell you a llddle somdlngs. Speaking as a friend and a good fellow, it's my duty to tell you that you are one large-sized mutt Why? Uecause when a lady asks you If you can fix her forty dollar clock for her you shake your silly head and tell her that you cant Consequently you lose her respect and you mist your chance of br slipping you any llttlo sign and token of it like this. The Janitor opened bis band and displayed a half-dollar nestling coyly In tbe palm; then be stretched bis leg and put the cola Into bis trousers pocket "How did you know that you couldn't fix it till you tried, you chump?" be inquired. "Tou ain't no clockraaker? It's a pipe you ain't, but ihe ain't supposed to know it, is she? That did I do? I looked as if I was 8cr I would," declared tbe Janitor. Jani-tor. "Why not? What would I want mora tban common sense and aver age bonesty. Suppose I ain't bad no experience! Who bas, that's wanted? Ain't there such things as secretaries? secreta-ries? "Bluff! I take it as a compliment. You bet I'd make a bluff at it. and if I got called I wouldn't be In no worse shape than some of them that's held down the Job before me. Look around you. Nets, my friend. Look around you and read the papers and then tell me tf the bluffers ain't on top of the heap. Look at the blurring blow-liurda blow-liurda that's presiding over tbe courts and the brans bound bluffs that's away up In the army and tbe boodllng b'uffs that's running some of our city governments! gov-ernments! Once in a while one of Vtu find out that all the clock needs la winding, and winds It, and then men of high attainments at a low sal-they sal-they name cigars after him and follow fol-low him around with bands of music; but the most of 'eta hires modest men of blub attainments at a low salary sal-ary and takes the responsibility and tbe money that there la In it and any credit that their friends give 'em and puts their thumbs in the armholes of their vests. And why not? Why am I a-settlng here on the stairs at my ease and why are you bearing down on tbe shammy with the sweat running run-ning down your nose and listening respectfully re-spectfully to my remarks? Uecause you're a modest man and I'm not. "That's all for the present, Nels," concluded the Janitor, getting up and pushing his subordinate gently from the door. Me and this four bits have got an appointment with Devenoy at bis place of business and It may keep me for the rest of the morning. Think over what I've said while I'm gone THANK YOU, MA'AM, SAYS I" and If an automoblls stalls by toe door and they ask you if you can fix It, don't be modest. Unscrew everything every-thing that you feel equal to screwing up again and. wben you're done that, pour a gallon of gaaollne In tbe tank and pocket tbe fire-spot they glre you. 80 long!" Ihe sry that invented clocks, to bell be-ll Q with. Then I says, 'Might I trou-le trou-le you for a newspaper, ma'am V I lays, 'and a small screwdriver and a pair of fine tweezers, if It ain't too Euch trouble.' Then when she'd gone ut of the room, I wound Mister clock ip. She comes back In a minute or two and I lifted the clock down ontd the paper and took tbe back off and nade a careful Jab or two inside and iboved tbe regulator over to 'fast' a notch or two and Jiggled the pendulum. pendu-lum. Then I screwed the back on, put her back on the mantel and itarted her up. 'You won't have no more trouble with It if you wind It regular, ma'am.' I says. Thank you, ma'am,' says L All there was, the blame thing bad run down. "What would I have done if It bad been wound up? Well, I might bave tabbed It bard enough to start something. some-thing. If that didn't work I'd bave told ber that the eccentric pinion bad lammed on tbe balance cam and thrown the secondary governor out )f gear and that It would take a special spe-cial tool which I hadn't got to put It rlRht Then I'd bave recommended a Friend of mine that was In the business, busi-ness, and got my tip Just the same, ind maybe a little rake-off on the ilde. and the lady would have bad a tilgh opinion of my Intelligence. "You take it from me, Nels, there's bo need of going around telling what rou don't know and can't do. Try l( 1 whirl, anyway, first My old man ased to tell me that 'a modest dog missed much meat,' and as far as the principle of the thing goes, he a-as right Where the saying falls Sown Is that there ain't no modest logs. A dog's got too darn much tense to bang back when there's a meaty bone In sight unless there's 1 bigger dog has grabbed it off, and I wouldn't call that 'modesty.' Most tenerally this here modesty means a tack of sand. The modest guy is tbe ne that's afraid the Job is too big 'or him to tackle and be won't try. lie bates to take a chance. Some-tody Some-tody might give blm the ha ha, and le'a too modest to stand for that "The trouble with yon is that you iln t naturalized yet If I was run ilng things la tbe Immigration department de-partment I'd let In a few epileptics ind anarchists and turn back all them hat was afflicted with modesty. It Un't American. Tbe American idea s to tackle any old thing and do your evel beat to make good. Talking of lepartments, along last February, loha Peveney comes to me and says e. The doctor's having trouble find-ng find-ng competent and willing Democrats o fill his cabinet I'm Informed. Now. tflke. would you take tbe Interior or he agriculture or something, tf It was ffered? I'm sounding you first be-iauee be-iauee the doctor would not like to run he risk aad humiliation of a pub'le vfoaaL' -Would I Uke it!' I says. Lead no to tt. Any on of 'em or all of im!' -Ton Wg bluff!' says be, 1 hot-pUy hot-pUy belter yoa woM.' |