| Show I 1 I z Marriage a 1 Success I IB 4 B By RING LARDNER Y 0 To the Editor One of ot the big N. N f. f newspapers have bave been running a serious of ot articles articles ar ar- lately on marriage and whether its a success or vice versa ar I arf c every everyday exy du day they been printing Jett s that W was S sent In to them by husbands and their views on the case and the editors seems to think they should be the people that should ought to know but as far tar as I been able uble to make out from their letters the game will go into extra innings and the they will finely half halt to call It off ort orton on acct of at darkness It looks like wh what zt the papers calls a hung bung jury and it should be The trouble with the discussion and why It aint libel to get Jet us Is on acct of ot the big majorIty of ot the letters comeing from people that has only been married one time I got ot a friend of mine that Is now running his relay and ought to know what he Is talking about so the other othet night I t asked him to give his frank opinion on the subject thinking my host of readers would be Interested and here is what he ho had to say in part port Four marriages out of ot five or or in other words 80 per cent is a howling success The other 20 per cent is a fiasco Hasco of ot the 1st water I am at present present pres pres- ent nt in the midst of ot the last named but hut as the successes is more pleas pleas- to talk about than the busts I 1 will start in on the former The he 1st gal I married was the daughter of at a wealthy real estate man named Ella The old man ga e her a check for fOl for tor a wedding present and as we was waiting for tor forthe forthe the train to take us to the Falls I got her to endorse the check on the grounds that maybe we would run short on the trip and half baIt to get some of the porters to cash the check Well we v got to the Falls FIlUs and set there lookIng look look- lag Ing at them for tor about i hr and finely I asked her ber bow now she sue liked It and find she said her ft tt hurt her in 10 her going away shoes and besides If It they was pleasure to be got out of stare- stare ing lag all day at a bunch of running water why not do It In comfort by going back to the hotel and go In the bathroom and turn on all the faucets She said laId that as far tar as she was concerned con con- Niagara was a cheese So I told her ber that of ot course they wasn't no sport In just settI setting setting- there and at It but but- th the ret rent fun tun was to I tent rent a empty bbl and get Inside It and leave the stopper out so sons ns as some air could get In hi and shoot the Falls So she liked the idear and we engaged a bbl by the hr and come to find out they wasn't room enough In it for the 2 of 01 us fo to ride at once so 1 said we would Up hip a coin and It If It t come heads she was 19 is togo to togo go 10 1st and end I flipped a coin and sure our enough It come he heads Js The TJI next gal I 1 married was name nail nud she didn't have no DO dowry but she curried carried accident insurance Insurance ance as she use to travel on the road for a vacuum cleaner clenner It Tt wasn't only about u wk af after er the honeymoon tit the t sh she a cold and it set set- 1 In a hollow tooth and for tor a couple couple couple cou cou- nights she laved and moaned and finely she said Id she couldn't stand It no more wore so u I lit up the lights and begun showing her some of at my curios to tuLu tutu her mind off oft the tooth and andone one lIne of at them was a double bbl shot n L-n and before I could so say Jack Robertson both bbl went ort oft right In her eye The coroner said Bald It was a accident No 3 S was name EloIse and I hadn't never heard beard the name before and kept forgetting It and calling her Ella and Claire both of which had left me a widower and she knew It and didn't like It very well but I couldn't seem to get out of ot the habit and every very time I done it she would start a quarrel and It finely got to be a regular mania with her and she says I the next time I called her out of at her name she would croak herself herselt So ISU's I says SUs dont don't do that Claire and next thing I knew she ahe had hud drank a pt atwood of at wood alcohol thinking It was carbolic acid and when I tried to get our Dr the line was busy Eloise left lett me a chest of ot sliver silver that her uncle had give ghe her who was In the busIness business bus bus- iness mess and I sold it for tor 1500 I was married to the one onename onename name Kate in August and her father tather give us a house and lot She had hay fever fe and a red nosh nose but I loved her herand nail and they wasn't a day past when I didn't bring her a bouquet of at some kind of flowers One day the florist didn't have nothing In stock and I Iwas Iwas Iwas was kind of scared to go home wIthout without without with wIth- out no 00 bouquet to so I stopped by the side of ot the road and pI picked ed a nosegay nosegay nose nose- gay of at golden rods and and tossed It in her lap and the Bel explosion bloomed her up The h lease said gold about the present j way so 80 much the better Tie Ive done dono everything I could for tor her but they dont don't nothing satisfy satiety her ber make a successful marriage theys they's to be a sense of humor on both oth and d in our case its all 1 sided aided i in all 1 claim theys they's 4 successes j 1 lily and as soon as I can cang g rid get H r rid of t this one Ill I'll marry 4 more top on No 9 9 fJ That at Is what a bird told me that has has had some experience and und his hs word should ought to carry weight Personally I am Iun not In a position to speak as my first wife Is still sucking sUckIng sUck sUck- ing it out on acct of the kiddies kiddie but 1 I suppose ose U It you 1011 was to ask the both bothof of Gf r u UI ns it WM was m a anon or a 11 th the would be bo a It Ih iD tL Hitt ta 1 lao taa J 1 i |
