Show Kathleen Norris Says days Teasing Is Innate Cruelty Bell Syndicate e Service i r 1 i f 4 t j o U 5 V o 9 J Js' Js s' s 3 r 1 S r r When Maude and her husband huband came to ta us Uj for faT their first fint dinner party as aj married people Dote Dave my husband began teasing her To my horror he h. mentioned mentioned mentioned men men- the name of the man with whom Maude had been in lore love By KATHLEEN NORRIS t nr years ago THREE I when I was 18 writes Janine my chum Maude and I thought we were deeply in love Our two boy boyfriends boyfriends boyfriends friends took us everywhere dancing skiing to movies and aId night clubs and we felt there was no harm in the intimate intimate intimate in in- relationship that naturally nat nal- resulted I can truly say that no thought of hesitation hesitation esita- esita tion or guilt ever crossed my mind When I became engaged last year however I told Dave of that early affair He immediately tely assured me that he was no angel and had not expected me to be one and that he felt that sort of thing ought to be forgotten Maude was also married some weeks ago and after her honeymoon honeymoon honeymoon honey honey- moon she he and her husband came to tous tous tous us for their first dinner party as married people We had a 8 table of eight and everything went perfectly perfect perfect- ly except that Dave began to tease her and to my horror mentioned the name of the man with whom Maude had bad been in love and asked her If she he ever saw him Maudes Maude's hus hus- All this mystified band Maude called me up In hi a perfect panic the next day saying she had not told Rod anything of her early affair and that Dave had simply Infuriated her by his teasing talk Immediately I told Dave he said that he would of course not go on with It and added that he would never have thought Maude was that sort lort of a girl Caused a 3 Quarrel You can Imagine how this made me feel feell I was so mad that we had what Dave called our first but out knock fight we got over It and were friends again and decided to forget the whole thing and start tart fresh But a aday aday aday day or two later he asked me how howlong howlong howlong long my Intimate relationship with my first sweetheart had gone on I answered only for about three months and nothing more was said Yesterday morning the paper mentioned the fact that Maude Is Ison Ison Ison on the women's committee to provide provide provide pro pro- vide amusement for the men in I camps and Dave made a sneering reference to it he said this was only in fun But later Maude sent me mea a brief cold note saying that they could not come to a bullet party that we are giving after the big football game and I know they have given two dinners at least Inthe in inthe inthe the last month but we have not been asked to their house yet I Iam Iam Iam am afraid David has bas carried his fun too far is my oldest friend and we have talked for years of the pleasure we would have as brides doing our shopping and discussing our housekeeping together Can you make any suggestion that may save me from losin losing her friendship and Influencing Dave not to tease her or remind her again of the past A Fatal Flaw A teasing husband my dear Janine is a much more serious matter th than n It sounds sound Impulses toward murder theft arson and forgery are kept in hi order by the law aw and by a mans man's natural fear of punishment But teasing Is a fatal law flaw In the relationship between married persons and I dont don't know of any cure Teasing Is innate cruelty seeking in an n outlet It veils its intention ITS IT'S NOT FUN No one one not not even the teaser himself himself- himself escapes escapes the consequences consequences conse corne- quence o of f the hints that are dropped all in fun Its It's not f fun un for anyone concerned when a husband begins to suspect that the jokes about his wife may have some basis basi in truth Its It's not fun for anyone anyone any any- one when a wife loses her herbest herbest best friend because became her husband husband husband hus hus- band just cant can't resist the tern temptation to make personal remarks Kathleen Norris believes believes be be- that those who enjoy teasing others have in their makeup a streak o of f real cruel crupi- ty Teasing she says sas is innate innate innate in in- nate cruelty seeking ng an outlet out out- let Dont Don't be deceived by the fact that it is supposed to be a joke johe to sting and hurt under a a amerry merry mask of fun tun It Is always just fooling When he carelessly and laughingly laughing laughing- ly has threatened the actual foundations foundations of a marriage as Dave in his light-hearted light banter with Maude he retreats retreat coward coward fashion Dave pretends pretends pretends pre pre- tends not to realize that tha t he may have started suspicions in the mind of Maudes Maude's husband May lay Regret Her lIer Secrecy You were smarter than Maude in that you made a clean breast of your own early weakness in the safety of engagement days when I Dave was so o anxious to win you that nothing you could have done as a girl would deter him Maude chose to keep her secret and she may yet live to regret the deception You had better give up the hope of continuing your friendship with Maude young wives almost always have to sacrifice their schoolgirl school friendships to the claims of husbands husbands husbands hus hus- bands and you will be no worse off oft than the others Make new ne friends devote yourself yourself-is yourself yourself- as s I am sure you are devoting yourself to yourself to the full- full time job of keeping Dave happy and building for you both a sound and successful marriage But if he ho continues continue his teasing and extends it pretty generally to all your friends one way to spike his guns Is to acknowledge cheerfully that David isn't happy unless hes he's teasing someone Say something like Hell tell you that your children are under undersized Tom and that If 11 you'd been as smart as he is you wouldn't have had to pay that speeding fine and that he knows you and Betty came here to dinner to get our insurance but dont don't take it seriously Dave is isa isa isa a darling in spite of It all No Perfect Solution This makes what ammunition Dave has in store decidedly wet wel But it is not a perfect solution There is no perfect solution for Cor so serious a fault except the solution that must come from the tease himself a 1 genuine genuine gen gen- resolution to be considerate of the feelings and misfortunes of others In Iii New v York some years ears ago there was a complacent wife who couldn't sufficiently impress all aU atus of at ofus ofus us who had suffered in the general financial collapse with the fact that she and her husband were luckier than ever and richer than ever it wonderful she would babble happily Harry ju just t got out of This in time and into That when it was going to make malce that sensational sensational sensa sensa- rise and just before the crash he sold our place for Cor three times timer what It would bring today |