| Show Winter Grips drips Ute Campus Cold Cure Concocted By Btu If outer appearances are any basis basis basis ba ba- sis upon which to make judgment I should surmise after two weeks' weeks careful observation of this campus campusand campusand campusand and its inhabitants that winter is upon us Startling indeed may be this discovery to some of you but while you are taking time out to assimilate the above information I Ishall Ishall Ishall shall proceed to explain the re remarkable remarkable remarkable re- re mental processes back of my deductions The covering of snow on the ground is but a small and unimportant unimportant unimportant factor as also is the total lack of any indication of life outside outside outside out out- side the buildings except during that fatal ten minutes during every sixty when wrapped fur-wrapped two two leg ged creatures scurry back and forth strange noises which sound suspiciously like the chattering chattering chattering chat chat- of teeth True True these these are a accompanying companying conditions but one must go inside int the classrooms or the library library li library li- li to discover the really telltale telltale telltale tell tell- tale bit of evidence that the season season season sea sea- son of snow and sleet is upon us again Let us peek into a classroom class class- room room any any one one one-it it doesn't matter In the first place does it look or sound like any classroom you have ever been in before Decidedly Decidedly Decidedly edly not we cannot hear the shouts of a professor vainly trying trying trying try try- ing to interest his sleeping audience audience audience audi audi- ence for he is so hoarse he can barely speak above a whisper and his audience is not sleeping It dozes fitfully but is immediately awakened by the sound of its own coughing In the library sneak library sneak up behind anyone anyone or or everyone in inI turn Is his language strange Or I does he merely sound as though he had a cod id his dose He does Aha there Aha there we have haveit I it the it-the the secret is out the out the season of colds is with us again Are you one of the fifty million If not hurry up and expose yourself so you too can get in on the most remarkable re remarkable remarkable re- re free for infallible cold cure that was ever evolved It Itis Itis Itis is remarkable in that it is a combination combination combination com com- of each and every in infallible infallible alli- alli ble remedy that I have ever known or read about I have taken what I consider to be the best part of every cure mixed the l lot t and what I have I pneumonia I-pneumonia pneumonia But you asked for it or didn't you so here goes During the day copy carefully in detail and andon on separate sheets of paper every i remedy suggested by 1 kind hearted I friends By the time you reach home in the evening these should number well welt up into the hundreds N Now shove Now shove these into the stove apply a lighted match place a pail of water vater above the resulting fire and when the last of the abovementioned abovementioned abovementioned above- above mentioned ingredients begins to boil place feet therein and allow to soak for about an hour Wrap yourself snugly in all the sweaters sweat sweat- ers blankets and bathrobes in the house drape the resulting bulk around the most comfortable chair in the house and surround it with assorted aspirin quinine menthol crystals drops salves etc not a paid advertisement which you will alternately chew inhale and anoint yourself with at intervals Retire still snugly wrapped and repeat the process nightly throughout through through- out the winter By spring you'll either be killed or cured and too weak to care which one one but at least you have the satisfaction of having had only one cold all aU winter winter winter win win- ter long long long- |
