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Show KATHLEEN NORRIS Breaking With Past Brings Woe '1vrY pROBLEM is that of m? husband's daughter," writes an Iowa woman. "But for Fay, everything in my life would be perfect. Van is truly, a kind, patient, pa-tient, good and generous man, and we have a two-year-old daughter, Amy, who is idolized by us both. Fay is 14, a tall, strong girl, who in the three years of our marriage has never been anything but difficult; diffi-cult; impudent, unmanageable, lazy, unhelpful, and lately showing show-ing a dangerous independence. If I ask her to open a door or answer the telephone, she says 'Oh, heck,' and moves so slowly that I usually get there before her. Cannot Trust Her "She has a brother of 10, a darling dar-ling boy, but the mother kept him she also has married again, and handed this girl over to me. Far from being any help, I have to pick up after her, and see that her clothes and her room are kept in some sort of order. We cannot trust her even to sit with Amy, if we wish to go out, for twice, on these occasions, she has gone off she says for a few minutes only, to see a friend. "What makes it especially hard for me," the letter goes on, "is that my husband is completely under Fay's thumb. She can tell him anything, and he only laughs and agrees. He constantly says to me that the poor kid never has had a break, which is nonsense. She has everything we have, and more clothes than I have. I have tried gentleness, tried to be patient, tried to advise; it is all no use. "It does seem hard to me that ences cut far deeper into our hearts into our whole spiritual and mental make-up than we know. Many an angry and perhaps per-haps justifiably angry and disillusioned disil-lusioned woman imagines that just to be free of matrimonial ties, just not to have to argue with Bob ever again, would be heaven on earth. But the complications that arise often make the old bondage seem infinitely preferable to the new. In this particular case I would advise Suzanne to bide her time. Just to wait. Fay will be of a mar-riagable mar-riagable age in a few years and will be off her hands. This isn't like the problem of a troublesome mother - in - law, a helpless old grandmother, an incurable invalid. Many women have those burdens to carry. Fay will either grow into useful womanhood, or she won't. Don't fret about it. If she leaves her room in a mess, let it stay that way. Put as much of the responsibility responsi-bility as you can on the indulgent father. Be an innocent bystander to their arguments. Shut your eyes to the fact that he permits her extravagances ex-travagances you wouldn't dream of, and shut your ears to impudence. impu-dence. Tolerance and amusement and a sweet-tempered refusal to accept any responsibility for Fay, once she has rejected your advice, will go much further than rigid anxiety and suspicion and criticism. In a few years she'll be out of the picture pic-ture and, meanwhile, since her own father and mother are the only ones really concerned, save your nerves in every way you can. . . ". . . she says, 'Oh, heck1 . . ." just this one thing, this one person, per-son, stands in the way of my complete com-plete happiness. Van and I loved each other for two years before either one would make the break of divorce. There was nothing shameful or secret about our affair. af-fair. We considered it soberly; made our decision after long thought. "My husband and I had been living liv-ing apart for some years. Van and his wife were utterly out of sympathy, sym-pathy, and her subsequent marriage mar-riage proves, I think, that she did not long consider herself injured. "Surely self-respecting, self-supporting adults have the right to adjust ad-just their lives to happier lines, hurting nobody, and winning for themselves a more balanced and wider outlook?" Suzanne demands pathetically in conclusion. Child Has Rights Too Well, Suzanne, perhaps they have. But you don't give the full picture here. You don't mention, in this summary of what intelligent adults have the right to do, that a little girl of 14 has her rights, too. Fay knew her mother preferred her brother to herself. She knows she is superfluous and unloved in her new home. You are not her mother, and your well-meant scoldings scold-ings and reminders and demands fall upon a young, sensitive heart that already feels itself rejected by all her world except Dad. Divorce never solves half as many problems as there are problems prob-lems that follow divorce. There is simply no end to the difficulties that women get themselves into when they break with the past; the vows, the young love, the first homemaking, the first baby. These everyday human experl- |
