Show i 1 ii I I 1 SMALL TALK i II Ill III II I II I II I II I III II r. r NOTE NOTE NOTE-As As the name should infer infer in- in fer Small Talk is a column of artistic and intellectual conversation conversation conversa conversa- tion tiem cynical debunking risque inconsistent The personal prejudices prejudices prejudices dices and crotchets of the sophisticates sophisticates sophisticates sophis sophis- conducting the tabloid will scamper to and fro unfettered The stuff will sometimes be he pink sometimes sometimes some some- times purple but purple but rarely red Communications Communications Communications Com Com- of approbation particularly particularly particularly par par- by br the professors arc cordially invited The The Authors 4 4 4 The Convention As Convention As my friend Ethel Barrymore would say the conventions have their place Like all laws and rules they are to be broken only and once only when really in the way For so long as asa asa asa a convention economizes time reduces reduces reduces re re- re- re duces friction and when it is not too irritating repugnant or im im- im- im to individual expression expression expression sion it is not merely desirable butis butis but hut hutis is indispensable Then too in a convention of this type there is in indisputably indisputably indisputably in- in disputably beauty and charm One needs only to attend a Catholic mass with its colorful century- century hallowed chants and ceremonies or orto orto orto to study the conventionalism in art artto artto artto to appreciate the esthetic appeal the conventions have for the soul of man But when a convention becomes rotten with age obtruding upon liberty and individuality nothing is more revolting and absurd Three putrid conventions of this sort strikingly noticeable on the campus at this period of the school year are introductions handshaking shak hand ing and salutations There seems to be he a general superstition among collegians that when two unacquainted unacquainted unacquainted unac unac- persons happen together in a group they should go through the puerile formality formality for for- formality for for- mality of an introduction Miss Vapid may I present my friend Mr Fatuous 1 Im very charmed to know you Miss 1 Vapid Im I'm sure Im extremely glad to know you ou Mr 1 Fatuous Now nine times out of ten one of the individuals at least is going to think the other for some reason or other more than less sive This necessitates at future meetings either a slight or a sal sal- Either alternative is dis dis- dis- dis agreeable What a pass has the medieval custom of clasping hands originally original original- ly indicative merely of disarmament disarmament disarmament ment between foes comes to when on the slightest provocation provocation provocation tion one is coerced to shake the hand o of some detestable individual wh when n it is no more pleasant to squeeze than a poached egg Vienna Vien Vien- na style On the other hand handis is it not to add that there is a genuine pleasure to grasp after an interval of separation separation separ separ- separ-I separ the hand of someone for whom there really exists a warmth I I l of feeling 1 May 1 the raucous glad- glad i handers meet a like fate to the theone theone theone one in store for back When I come to the third thi-d the in greeting I pause in in wonderment How ones one's health ever attained to such a preposterous preposterous preposterous pre pre- role as a topic of solicitation solicitation solicitation soli soli- citation is beyond me One cannot walk twenty steps without myriads of inquiries as toone's physical welfare some flippant some sac- sac castic some meaningless none sincere Salutation is the most e empty pty and absurd of all the con con- If an individual suffering suffering suffering suffer suffer- ing from an acute combination of pecking hen-pecking and hay-fever hay should while seated in a cafe have an acquaintance acquaintance acquaintance ac ac- ac- ac ask from a distance of three tables robles Judge how are you 1 should he shout in r rely y Fine thanks or should he j just St let loose and cuss 1 The members of the great unwashed unwashed unwashed un un- washed have chosen substitutes forthe forthe for forthe the more orthodox How are you say and wh what t know v. When o one e of these organisms asks me What do I say if in indignation indignation indignation in- in didn't always throw a monkey wrench into my voice box I would almost be tempted to re retort retort retort re- re tort in kind Not much DIP BIP HASLAM JIM CAYTON |