Show philosophical observations by BYRON WILLIAMS it WM wai the much read robert ingersoll who referred to santo domingo as the country where one needed as a bed quilt only a cloud occasionally in the olden days lays a hobo would into our newspaper where coverlet and aak ask for a few exchanges lie was arranging for li 18 a his hi cloud the difference between his hi larinan bulls tle ar film flimsy cloud ran gement and that designated hy by mr tr irmell Irger goll was that he slept on his cloud instead of it having pan bandied handled a cookle from ume some charitably inclined bouse housekeeper keeper weary walker would proceed to the newspaper office to beg his bed thus with bed and board he waa was well provided with immediate wants with the cookle in hie side him and the paper under tinder him to keep out the dampness and the cold bo he would snooze in some friendly boxcar until morning did you iver tyer see a crowd of hoboes at a shipwrecking ship wrecking for three consecutive years the hoboes over the country under the leadership 0 of charlee charles F noe and onion cotton held conventions tho the bum bump attended in gadly numbers and during each convention many shipwrecks were duly celebrated celb rated A shipwreck consists of all the fresh eggs obtainable the shell shells i are broken open and the eggs are turned into a pan the yolks floating unbroken in the whites when tho the pan la to full or the eggs have all ben opt ned some hero of the frowsy coterie grasps it stick or rude ladle and makes scrambled ggs of the floating islands this Is termed the I 1 shipwreck when th eggs have been cooked they are dipped out and placed between slices of bread and eaten as sandwiches G too the majority of people e eat eit it too much too hurriedly and with too much of an idea of getting even with the in other words they want their worth the old admonition that enough lacteal fluid la 18 as good na a feast Is forgotten and the landlord as wonders where all the mammoth appetites come desirable food from to show that these people are all wrong and anti that man can subsist on a sweet smile and a elico of nothingness enlen eaten juat just before retiring ai a 1 at sun up tip sev soy eral oral scientifically inclined individuals have almost starved themselves to death had they sought the middle way rather than the extreme they would have been happy ever afterward milk allik Is that middle way says an authority la A colony of invalids on island off bradford conn alo wl have been partaking of nothing but pure milk and thriving on it are sincere in their praises of the food one of 0 themi was a sufferer auf ferer tor for years with nervous dis eases in a month he was practically cured he lie drank ten q igarta aarts a day at intervals of halt hall an hour and aside from the of carrying a bottle of 0 milk about with him when he went to see a man he ho Is doing well in fact he eiyo he will never cat solid food again he lie ina that up and coming feeling about him that t hat men try to arouse with stimulants he ile teela feels like his mother in law all the time milk haa has a therapeutic value that has long been recognized by physicians nervous people should join the milk advocated ee ev in naming the LOW queen aw sara sam jonea jones says church members should let theli lights shine thine by their attikons the bev mr air jonee jones waa was right you go to church on sunday bo be devout th n turn to business bu alicea monday morning absent minded as forgetful of 0 your religion rell Blon as the fellow who got religious into the barber chair pinned the paper around hia his church goers i 1 eck and began to rea I 1 tho the towel Is nothing it it la Is merely a sunday dress items to be put off with the white hirt shirt and the alpaca town iown it Is the practice of the precepts that makes them of 0 service to mankind cures heartache hel beli i the wounded save saves the dying thero there might be as much sunday religion on firth L irth as are tin cans in mra mrs maloney a alley but without application it would not even bo be fit at for the goat thoro there is about as a much consist acy in one oneda da a week rc ligion as in the reasoning powers of the man who struck down a fellow follow man robbed him and took from him hie his packages the court sternly interrogating the murderer asked what he had bittl done with the niney ho ile had bad spent it in carousing caro ising tsing what bad had be don done with the watch pawned it for I 1 ier eer what with the meat ho he was carrying threw it away it was friday here jere wai the man wt with th an mind whose reasoning was eg as lame an Petra sus with the aring halt hilt hr ilia religion waa was mis min applied unless your religion ie to practical it Is poor religion 1 strategy like a woman ie Is all right if it turn turns out well ae As a boomerang hoevel strategy ie is a bad actor 4 young man of gotham wanted to join the great army of uncle santa sam e employed and an instance sought to pass a civil examination he where waa was email small 0 of stature and anti employed strategy to help strategy boomeranged him over a fine point inside his clothing he tied a heavy iron tron weight mounting the scales before the eyes of the stern examiner niner ho he was overjoyed to note the pointer indicate sufficient avoirdupois ile was about to congratulate himself when soma thing happened A with a clatter and barg the weigh tell fell from his trouser leg onto auto the ironwork of the scales attached to it wu wes a string and a torn piece of while white linen to make the matter wone the young man not only missed getting the position but had to buy a new shirt as will strategy had id til alit tb e reputation of 0 a humorist la Is difficult to maintain maIn tala yan the sober man can be o 0 at widely separated intervals the average individual la is frequently titillating the aamot wits its of 0 the day are ara wearing strain tunny funny most of the time but tho the man has not yet yel of been born who can provoke one continual round ot of being humorous Humo rouL laughter man a man hae hai had confidence la in tho the fountains of his mirth but alas the mad ad contu contumely melr of friends has at last brought him to the regulation that humor does nok like ta alff river flow on foryer for yer this la to especially true of the man who strives to be what wo we may term excruciatingly faun hie ills 1 Is pitched so high he growa grows hoarse and commonplace and the fickle public expecting much note bla his deterioration itsou if you desire to be tunny funny be moderately so the fount will pout spout longer r 14 5 0 A pessimist ie Is a man who looks for worin in itu hi bell floar apple an optimist te la a man who huts shuts hie his eyes eat worms aad and all and never kicks icks at the A alst Is a wart on the pessimism neck of progress pro greas reea tuat wat cant be md ai an a collir but vs tob ton an Is I 1 a joy orar and a favorite optimism with the first row in the balcony A peI mIst clings to the uto rhe so an excie tor for grumbling valla an lor loves a pretty girl for the buecking chete Is in her you yon cant loae lose a st and as for the opU optimist roue rone of in our set wants to ix Wi the trul trust haa has raked in price anyhow thin this Is curr currant antl they hare live gone aad ad done it jut afony when wry evory cake ie Is supposed to be redolent ot of raisins and buddin without cm tin Is raisins raised no huddin ln at alt all this Is a direct slam at the den just tit list and the stomach aeb doctor and will no do doubt abt afore christmas Chri itma cause santa clan clau much financial embarrassment the trust will bo be raising the price of stockings and neit and hen than we can t have koy any at all down vita me trusts 1 A bad man IA abo ore vre a mask Is said to bay have attempted a hold up in iowa lovra tb fm A fair telephone operator ot of morning san tho the local loi paar in commenting oa cia the failure of the wrong atme bal basol the rain cause of oa on the of tira timo ot of the att attempt fript lie boal have waited until the the zodiac RUB sun bad gone sove down in the SUB son Is no place to hold bold up a young woman A bady hammock or a cozy soa sofa Is 1 much mow more to jer liking and after the maim bas ha let sot ie is tho the time alx lx first are apt to td be distor distorted tod tha la Is true ot of extravagant trava gant cenea scenes when a boy we once galled through aa open window with mouth agide our out eee ees on the beauties be autlee ot at a impression impressions suite of rooms in a fashionable appearing are gayly deemed deop e within were chatting and deceptive laughing woud would we ue ever be in auch much a place of popularity in after year years we wre and filial dt lat teel feet to hit either it wu a bording bordt ng hodet |