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Show ffff ING ON Alf) OFF WATER WAGON In -tho January American Mngazlno Abo Martin, tho celebrated Indiana funny man, writes a piece hbout New "V ear's resolutions. Following is an extract: Sometimes when a feller who kin drink or leave It alone glta to lookln' back over the year Jest closln' and' sums up all tho things ho's done or undone, all the energy and tho money hf's wnstcd and all the things he's missed or neglected in that regretted time, tho past looms up llko h piece of tar soap. Then ho quietly resolves to bid good-bye to tho soclnl cup on New Year's Day, llttlo dreamln' of tho colossal strugglo jest around tho corner. Tho feller who hns long been used to fortlfyln' himself with n stimulant on every occasion has purty tough sleddln' fcr a while after ho swears off. Thores tho ordeal of buying a now' hiit or nttendln' n banquet. Tho feller who kin drink or leave it nlono alius smells llko a Door Creek distillery distil-lery after ho buys n new hat and he'll often train for weeks when th ore's n banquet ahead. Sometimes he'll set clean through a banquet or nt least till tho Inst syllable of an nd-dress nd-dress on Tho Weddln of tho Ocbans hns died nway In tho cigarette smoke. But how a toller's whole stylo of pltchln' changes when ho once gits thoroughly established on tho water vagon and begins to talk natural fer the first time since tho first baby come! How his patient wife misses his glowing hecount of the day's earnings earn-ings when ho used to stall through the ovcnln' meal' How his associates, miss his decided vlows on every ques1-Hon ques1-Hon that comes up! How the ono legged leg-ged newsboy on the corner misses his lavish generosity I How ho kicks on tho grocery bill. How his waistcoat pockets bulgo with segars, each ono representing a 15 cent drink that he's muffed whlo in tho hands of friends an' how his little children miss the peppermint drops thnt used to fall from his overcoat as ho flung it carelessly care-lessly hcross tho planner. Lafo Dud says that glttin' on and off tho water wagon is tho only exercise ex-ercise some fellers over git. |