OCR Text |
Show Mr. Fitzgerald believes that however how-ever well a woman may do a thing a man could do it better. Mrs. Fiiger-akl Fiiger-akl carries on the benevolent enterprises enter-prises of the household and Mr. Fitzgerald Fitz-gerald generously furnishes the money. Recently, the wife, having an invitation to spend a month in the South, permitted her unsband to look after her work of benevolence. luerefore when Mr.. Fitzgerald kissed her good-bye she produced from her pocket a memorandum, saying that she had there noted a few f her most special cases, which she hoped he would look after. This memorandum read as follows: "McBriarity family, very numerous". numer-ous". Father, alcohol; mother, washing: wash-ing: children, half-fed . and half-elothed. half-elothed. Mast be helped. "Joe Barnaby, shoemaker in alley, trying hard to reform. Help along with wholesome food. "Grandma DeLaney, remnant of fine old family; very aristocratic. All necessities supplied, but depends on me to keep her in wine tonics, brand-Zed brand-Zed peaches and like delicacies." Mr. Fitzgerald smiled as he read. Then, hastily writing three orders, he told the office boy to telephone them to the biggest grocery and provision pro-vision dealer, with a request to duplicate dupli-cate the orders weekly. A few days later Mrs. McBriarity called. She came to explain that her husband had pawned the last bushel ef coal for the purpose of heating his interior. Mr. Fitzgerald sent with her an- able-bodied clerk to summon McBriarity. Taking the candidate for beiiea-cence beiiea-cence aside, Mr. Fitzaerald stated with great force certain excellent principles adapted to the private eon-conduct eon-conduct of a father of eleven children. child-ren. There was a sound of whizzing ink bottles and crashing law books. After that the stockholders' ineetins temporarily tem-porarily adjourned in order that a physician might have an opportunity to patch up the countenance of the lawyer. Mrs. Flfijrerald arrived home quite unexpectedly the third week after her departure and walked into her bus-band's bus-band's office with the ; face "of a avenging angel. "My dear, Tm delighted to see you." exclaimed her husband. "Thank you," she replied, eoldly. "Do you know that I found our back porch piled high with provisions of all kinds, accompanied by a note from Grandma DeLaney, stating with all the force of her aristocratic vocabulary vo-cabulary that when she was ready for the poorhouse she would inform her friends? I have learned, too, that some Good Samaritan has seen fit to accelerate old Uncle Joe's journey to the grave by way of the alcohol route by sending him a weekly supply of wines and brandied peaches. But what is the matter with your face?" "Applied benevolence, my dear," he said. "Whatever you do, never let a woman wom-an manage anything." growled Dudley. To Landon the advice se.;c:ed superfluous, super-fluous, but he looked interested. "To square myself for not taking my sister to the kirmess I bought a dress-circle dress-circle seat for the matinee," explained Dudley. "Then we received word that an Eastern cousin would be here Saturday Sat-urday on her way West and a Western cousin would be In Chicago the same afternoon. I proposed giving up the theater, but my sister said the girls would rather see the play than talk to us, so I bought two more seats. I thought one of my cousins would be willing to sit in the back row of the balcony, just for the pleasure of being with me, but my sister said that the girl who had to sit with me deserved the best seat as a reward. Anyway, as Cousin Ella would want to visit with each of us and also Cousin Clara, ,she thought we ought to change partners for each act Saturday arrived and so did the girls and as four people in the dress circle stood up to let Cousin Ella and me get to our seats I could see the admiring glances ca?t at my cousin's gorgeous red hair and magnificent magnifi-cent figure, I felt that I was the envv of all the men. As the end of the first act the people made no comment when we left, but our four neighbors stood up in astonishment when I returned with my sister, who is of medium height and has brown hair. Before the end of the second act I began wishing :for a fire and wondering if I couldn't : climb over the back of the chair and pull my sister after me rather than make the four stand up again." Landon shook his head as one who also had had troubles. "I put on my glasses and looked as dignified as possible," said Dudley, "as I stalked back with Cousin Clara, who is a petite blonde, but the ill-mannered people around us were not at all awed. One idiotic person behind us began cracking jokes about killing three birds with one theater ticket They even began wondering aloud if the other girls were waiting on the sidewalk. The afternoon was rather expensive, but it .made me feel like 30 cents." ' ; Mrs. Boardby already had experienced experi-enced over two years of married life when her friend Lucille became a bride. Consequently she "looked with patronizing sympathy upon the young-, er woman's housekeeping. Six months after Lucille had settled down to housewife existence she and her husband dined with the Board-bys. Board-bys. . "Oh. by the way. Mr. Livingston," said Mrs. Boardsby, after the .dessert had been served, "Lucille tells me that she is foolish enough to buy her butter at the tea store down" town. I'll warrant they're palming off but-terine but-terine on her for creamery butter. Now, I don't take any chances on that I was pretty lucky, however, I must admit. Just a week after we started In housekeeping an old farmer came to the door one morning. He wanted to sell me some butter, and he asked three cents under the market price. He told me all about his cows and their names and he seemed to feel pleased when I told him about my Uncle Un-cle Jim down in Vermilion county. He said on account of my uncle being a farmer he'd make the butter a cent cheaper on the pound. ' Not long ago the two families came together again for the first time since the dinner at the Boardbys. "Oh, Mrs. Boardby, I've been wanting want-ing so long to see you," said Mrs. Livingston, Liv-ingston, "and get the address of that delightful old farmer who brings you butter." "Why ah you know, he has quit coming," responded Mrs. Boardby. Boardby was chuckling. "Go on, my dear, and tell her when he quit" he' suggested. "Oh, it was the last week in June," his wife responded, trying to appear indifferent. "Some more coffee, Mr. Livingston?" "Yes," went on Boardhy, "it may be that the dear old hayseed retired, or Mollie and Susie and the other cows we used to hear so much about came to an untimely end. But I am inclined to think that our unsophisticated friend must read the newspapers. He stopped coming on June 28 and the oleomargarine law went into effect on July 1." . |