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Show CRANDPA KNEW THE RULES. "Grandpa la not so well today," answered an-swered the lively young lady to th next-door neighbor who had mauj kindly Inquiry. "Walt till I run over. I don't want him to hear us." "Oh. It waa something awful, positively posi-tively awful." as she aat down on the top step and accepted a fan. "Th doctor said that w must get him out, so as to give him air and exercise. After three days' pleailtng I Induced him to go to th baaeball with me. He groaned and growled all th way. though I had a cushion for blm to sit on and took it to the grand atand and sat him down In the shade and In a breeie. Grandpa doesn't know a bit more about baseball than I do about the Chinese question. Not a Lit. He waa Just dozing off when the crowd began to yell. Then he sat up and glared. " 'Out,' he whooped, when one of the opposition batters knocked the ball over the fence. " 'Beg pardon, sir," aald the gentleman gentle-man In the next seat, 'but that Is not out under the rules." "Grandpa can scarcely walk a block, but he wanted to throw that man out of the grandstand. In the midst of It he stopped his tirade to shout: 'Nother man out. That seeker caught It on the first bound.' The gentleman wanted to explain, but grandpa wanted to bet $1,000 that he knew more about town ball and four-cornered old cat than any man on the grounds. And do you know be took off his coat and kls cullar snd his necktie and rolled up bis s:cevs and offered the umpire money to come where we were, and called It right out that he could whip the whole park full of wildcats and called the gentleman names I never heard of and dared him to take It up. You've heard that grandpa used to be a lake captain and also a deacon In the church. He's writing to the umpire and the president of the leig.ie dow and he wants to attend every game and I wouldn't go for the wnoie city of Detroit." HAD A HANDICAP "'What could I say? she aked, th anger showing In her face. " 'Really. I don't know, my dear, hesitated her huabanl. 'but I thought porelbty you might have said yo didn't have any gun.' "."he couldn't say a word; eh didn't try to; she Jut looked at him In rpeechless astonishment and went out of th room." IMPOSSIBLE TO COPY. Customer I wish you'd give m a copy of the prescription you filled foi me last week. Druggist I'll have to give yon th original. Customer Why? Druggist Well. t- tcli you th truth, I can't read It. ha Wat Not Heady. From the Kan.-as City Star: n was six feet tall if he was an Inch and the shoulders of the girl at his nide were on a live with his own. It was plain they didn't belong in Kansas City, and aa they came Into the county courthouse Jesier.lay In an awkward, hesitating way, with many t'lances at the lofty celilngs and broad staircases, the loungers In the cor.-l tor put them down for Pike county. They had Just been married; that much was learn, d lat-r, and they were taking tak-ing in the sislits of t'.ie city b f jre returning re-turning to the country. After satisfying satis-fying their curlisily r gjr ilng th lirst floor of the courthouse the pair redded to ri.-k a ride In the elevator. Approaching the cag.". they scrutinize! every part of It carefully, and entering enter-ing the car, the man aald to Andy O'Hare. the conluctir, "When d'y Ftnrt?" O'Hare nearly fell ofT his stool wl'.S surprise, out uii, t: r'.z" uo the ls:tors. "We start now." and m-niing m-niing the door of tho e!eatc pul'.ed over the lever and the cl rpward with twice Its usual In fad. so quickly did the car lhat the bride fill to the fluo da-ping the kr.ee? of her bu cried loudly: "1 ain't ready y ain't rca'!y!" They were the most surprised couple that ever came tip tho and when they had reachel the rV floor the groom turned to O'Hare. V Inqulred: "How m.ica rjo I owe , They walked downstairs. Ka la th I ar N rth. Wl.h a Lrihht smile the beautiful Eiklmo gill left us to Join the merry throng in the balircom. "Your daui?:her Is a gay butterfly!" I exclaimed, de.-siring to be very complimentary. com-plimentary. "For my part I don't think much of this s-xial life." repl'ej the mother, with se.ddin v,herr.nce. "The Idea of dsr.eing every night till way along iu March, and then lying In bed the i.ex! (.'ay unnl Aug. 1 cr such a matter!" mat-ter!" It was on my tongue to say that ih-s? y.ninr P had too much latl-lude. latl-lude. but 1 ciie.ked myself. Detroit Journal. A to t-trlkca. "WLafs the matter w.tii that man?" a.-l;ed the dock. "He doesn't seem to have anything to do but wind me up." "No." replied the calendar, "he Isn't working. He and his companions struck some time aso." "Huh! Suppose I should s'.op working work-ing every time I struck?" "That s so. but I notice It freshens me up every time he takes a monta off." I'Mlade phia Press. The ferret or Hla Socr gaa. "To what do you attribute your success In life?" ask.J the Inquisitive person. "Work."answered Snator Sorghum, positively, "hard work." "Hut you never seem to be devoting devot-ing much time to work." "No. But I've hired a tremendous amount of It dune." Washington Star. Ato Popularity. Slimmer Boarder Your charges ar exorbitant. Landlord Jes' so. Summer Boarder But you advertised adver-tised pcpu'ar prices. landlord Yes. they seem to be popular. The house Is full right along. New York Weekly. Constance E. Do you tnlnk yo'j can get my husband acquitted? Lawyer' I'm afraid cot, madam. Constance E. Why, everybody know my husband! Lawyer That is Just the trouble. How II Felt Ahont It. From the Washington Star: "Of course," remarked the proud father of six children, "there is nothing in all the world that mak' a a man so sincerely sin-cerely happy aa to have around blm a whole houseful of rovstering chl.dren. every one of them tickle 1 plumb to death when he comes home at night, and every one of them wanting to climb all over him at on e and the same time. Still, it Is possible that there may be an embarrassment of riches, as the French sr.y, of even this sort, and when a baby Is of the squalling kind he so-netimes think? he would almost commit a crime for the sake of five or six minutes of peace and quiet A f:lend of nine, who lives in a flat, is tne father of a regular four-time squaller. and there was an incident at his home the other evening that has caused his wife to look upon him with suspicion. Albert is one or the mildest minnrel men that ever lived. Across the hall from his Cat live two bachelor friends of his. and you know bachelors are not overly partial to babies with unrestrained unre-strained lungs. The other afternoon his wife came In where he was reading, read-ing, or trying to. nnd she was considerably con-siderably wrought up. " 'I've got no use for those two friends of yours across the bail she said. '" 'Why not, my dear. he responded, in his usual mild manner. " f lecause. when Willie was crying awhile ago one of them said. "Oh shoot the baby." ""Ob, did her said the father raising rais-ing his eyebrows, after the manner of some people expressing surprise or resentment or some other emotion. " "Yes. he did, repeated the fond mother. "'And what did you say to tcaf t Inquired, with a half smile. |
