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Show With L!j aid or a powerful microscope micro-scope we regarded the ptomaine In the Ire cream tedfatly. "Toil are extremely ngly!" we observed. "Of courec!" replied the ptomaine. "Did you erer e a genuine lady killer that wasn't mora or less nglyT" To be perfectly candid but why apeak mt tbi? Detroit Journal. REPUSSD TO II FOILID, Glady Knbe (queen of opera) The jewel I reported atolen have been found. TLey were a.erely mla'ald. Hemlock Holrr.e (king of drtet lives) I'm very aorry, madam, but one of the fiv men I arretted haa JllbI confused con-fused to taking the Jewel. "VTbflx I fu lb Maine a seek or two agn," said a commercial traveler. "1 had occajcHi to xUit a town near Itangor. and one morniug. baring an Idle- hour, I, for the ukfi or killing time, atrfilled Into the country court-room, court-room, where I wltneed an amualng ascne. The trial Jus tire, a big. pomp-cm pomp-cm official, with a voice like a trorn-lone, trorn-lone, took It ut-oo blrusclf to examiue xiuirm,. I J-Atle wtlhctsl old ma IV whom fain waa a red and wrinkled an a berTing. "'What U your name?' aiiknd the Justlce. " 'Why, squire.' aald the astonished witnuw, 'you know my name u well aa I know your n.' " N.k r ou mind ahat I know or what I don't know. tu the caution given, with nuiKl-i.Tlal severity. 'I auk the question lu niy official rapacity, rapa-city, and you're bound to anwer It enitT cath.' "With a contemptuous anort the wlt-ttra wlt-ttra gave his n.inm and the Qtioatlon-ing Qtioatlon-ing prodded. "'Whore do you live?" " 'Wal. I awum' ejaculated the old man. Why,' he continued, appealing to the laughing listener. 'I've lived, fn tola town all my life, and ao'a he." pointing to the Justice, "an-. beoh, to hear blm go on you'd think ' " yiii oce" Uiundered the Irate mag-tatretn. mag-tatretn. 'AnwT my qut!!on or 111 Cue you for contempt of courL' "Alarnud by the threat th wltneas named hie plai of reaidence and the examination went on. ""What la your occupation T "HiiKh!" "What do you do for a llrlngT "Oh. g!t out. a-nilre! Jnut aa If New Ceetery ratal. When a man with warm blood In hi rein become a father be take delight In the ml htef of hi offspring, off-spring, even though he be called upon to diaclpllne them under the acrlptu-ral acrlptu-ral recipe that pare not the rod. 1 hi one 1 from a ataid exemplar of g J moral and good cltlxcnahlp fti Ie- j troit, and a man win me check la al- j way cashed without the formality of looking up hi account. "The little rascal la only 4." ha chuckled, "built like a prize Ashler, too; but he ha one of these three-story three-story heads and an Imagination that Jut get to going and puU blni la a world of his own. I "We took Mm !on on an outing 1 of six week this gummer and that lit- ! tie shaver reported more railroad wreck and more disaxtera by water than have actually occurred In the last ten yearn. He'd come running to me. all ei. itement, and turn pale while he tu relating these awful calamities. The sound of a locomotive whistle or the s ght of another boat wag enough to set him going and It did not take three minutes to kill off a few score of bis fellow-beings. "I con.luded that I should check yon don't know that I tend gsrdena In the summer seaaon and saw wood wlo-Ur! wlo-Ur! "A a iirlvnti rltlien I know It. but aa thti court I am not supposed to know anything about you.' explained the perapl.-lng Jcmtlce. "Wal, snulre,' remarked the pui-l4 pui-l4 wltneew. -f you know omethln" outside the courtroom and don't know nothln' In It you'd better get out an' let mii.tK,dy try thL case that got bos aenae.' The advice may have been goo I, but It cost the wiiuess $10." Washington Wash-ington Star. Wuwl.la'l Sca.d 1,esiU,.lot. . k4ra. ' Kaviini You raid you wert goiiig to h detained at your oSi. all e-vening, but you weren t there Now, where were you? Mr. IM Kanter My dear, there no sense In your getting excited. It really Mm. D Kanter Why don't you an- wor my question? Vr. De Kantcr My dear. I could answer your question If I wa ure you wouldn't q ieatioa my answer. Philadelphia Phila-delphia Pmu. t o. la rbn'i Advle. -Sometimes." -aid Vncle Eben. "de wust revenge yon kin take on de man 3at think he know It all la to take Ira at bl word an' Jes' lef- Mm alone to git mixed up In all de reeponslbil-Itlea reeponslbil-Itlea be kin grab.- Washington Star. thia inclination. This conviction seized me Just as we bad settled down In a quiet little resort where a chicken was the most ferocious thing in sight. The first day In the forenoon he came rushing In, out of breath but full of talk. " 'Papa.' he shouted a wattlesnake chased me for twenty miles." ' Here wa an opportunity for the first lesson. I told him that there were no rattlesnakes anywhere near us and impressed upon him the wickedness wicked-ness of lying. When I saw tear la hi eyes I flattered myself upon the Impression Im-pression I had made. 1 felt prouder st.l! when he squared bl little should-j should-j ers and looked to me a I thoujht Washington looked In the cherry-tree episode. " '.Now, C.eorge,' I asked, aternly. 'did a rattlesnake chase you?' "'No. papa; It was a gwisly bear.'" Detroit Krce Press. A IHul 1 If. La Bostosv "Did you hear about Greekroot? They claim be ia leading a double life!" "i-acrd codfish! What proof have they?" "He was overheard talking In bU Sleep. "Yes, yes." "And be made two grammatical errors'" er-rors'" Cleveland Plain Dealer. Tax Kia-ht, "Py what right," thundered the committee com-mittee of congress, "do you presume to make money ?" "Our charter." resiled the Standard Oil company, "permit us to make all kinds of lubricant and money 1 the lubricant commonly used for political machine." The committee w profoundly lm-preseej lm-preseej by thl subtlety. Puck. sVbw ft-osa Cwlsaa, "The Japs seem to bare made nui wonderful charges." "Tee; I paid S for that Satauaa tiMt." Cleveland Plain Dealer. SHE WANTS TO KNOW. Tom N. Jerry What Is the mcvt curiou thing yoa ever saw in the world Otto n. Home My wife. Ilee Neighborly sWIpeoelty. "How do you like your new neighbor. neigh-bor. Mile. Way?" "Not at all. .he awful t;ngy Why. she borrowed our ta. k hammer and a nutmeg early last week, but when I went over yesterday to ask her to lend me fs to pay on the rent she said he didn't have It to pare. Wasn't that small" Philadelphia Philadel-phia Telegraph. A llconv. "Didn't you teil me JiUcersua was figuring prominently In politic?" "Well, he la He 1 away up. u la writing political beta on the blackboard black-board of a pool-room and use a ladder lad-der tea f.-t high." Indianapoii Prewa, |
