Show kathleen noris norcis says say old people are a Pro problem blent bell syndicate features 01 01 UN sie she says to the children when we too send thern them in to call dont donl bother to come my dears grandma knows you dont want to by KATHLEEN NORRIS LD PEOPLE ought to OLD 0 solve lems their own it is a great reflection on your intelligence if you have lived 60 or 70 76 years in this troubled world and even now dont know what you want how you can manage or how to be happy being unhappy Is a matter of intelligence and to be unhappy is to argue yourself stupid naturally there are times in all our lives when bereavement or money trouble or the actions ol of those dear to us cause us deep concern im not talking of that sort of thing im talking of these old people who mourn and fret and complain and generally annoy the younger crowd and make t themselves a burden for the last 20 years of their lives mary cutter for example at 74 Is strong as a horse and goodford good for many more years mary was a loved wife raised three sons and a daughter saw them all nicely married when she was widowed and found her resources resource reduced she proceeded to make of herself as much of a nuisance as a human being can she was stunned with grief when her children married fainted at the church hated her son in law and daughters in law violently she carried on when she had to sell the old home as it if she had been turned into the street her stay at a nice quiet faill family hotel was one long groan J the girls husbands got together and bought her a cottage she had loudly coveted for years they furnished it moved her in she thanked them halfheartedly half heartedly and began to find things wrong with th the furnace window screens neighborhood and the earth in the gurdon gurden J nothing pleases ifer her now fIve years later she speaks bitterly of the children shunting her oft into this dreadful little place and asserts that she has always 1 hated it she simply Is doing everything she can to ruin our lives ilves writes her daughter she criticizes the childrens manners and the way we dress them she says to them when we send them in ih to call dont bother to coic come my dears grandma knows you dont want to the worst of it is this thi S letter concludes my husbands kotlier moth er is a darling helpful and cheerful and adored by the children she and a friend keep a boardinghouse boarding house so theres no question of her living here but if we ask her to dinner once more thanie than we do mother there is trouble what can one do with a troublesome unhappy old lady who still sick enough for a sanitarium or poor enough for a home hoin e the answer Is nothing if all through the and the your mother getting ready tor for this time finding amusements and interests with which to fill it it looking forward to tho the delights deligh tg of grandchildren and to the serene ease from burden and responsibility that old age means nothing will change her I 1 would be very careful to put your husbands and your houi childrens interests fir first stand and to concede ns as little us as possible to this twisted N 11 let them tum see you are happy i i old woman for no matter what you do she will never be satis satisfied fled some years ago I 1 knew a couple who had a charming home down on long island one summer they had an opportunity to go abroad and offered ff ered their home to a business friend two difficult old ladles ladies the only thing our friend said in making this offer is that my cifes mother lives with us and she wants to stay on I 1 in the house during the summer the other mans mahs face fell im sorry he said it cant be done you see we have an old lady of our own i both these men knew that there was no chance that the old ladles ladies would get together work out a congenial and perhaps even pleasant relationship no such hopel the second family had bad to forego forea 6 a chance for a cool beach summer and the first family had to seek out some other solution tor for the old tyrants company why Is it old age must be so unreasonable exacting and unmanageable age able most old ladies were nice women 0 once loved wives and 70 good o mothers why cant they prepare in their minds all through the younger years tor for the inevitable changes and solitudes that are before them whether you marry or whether you dont you may some dayl day be alone why deceive yourself with the idea that the tha youngsters want you in their lives that you have peculiar charms claims and rights that other old ladles ladies remember what you jou thought 30 years year sago ago of your husbands mother what they think of you today pace face it and if you can turn yourself into a cheerful occupied occupy d useful old woman too busy with her own interests to watch the clock and the calendar to make sure that the children are neglecting her the one gift you can give your children now and it is a great gift is to let them see that you are happy |