Show OUR i maim CUL TV Prof Cummings J This dearest kindest and most perfected perfected perfected per per- specimen of American civilization was not born at all but was fashioned by the Gods for a special purpose and destiny At the time of his framing Uranus was translating Virgil with a pony Neptune was telling a joke about the capital of Massachusetts and Mars was begging the students to patronize our advertisers Prof Everlie Easy made a special trip to Mercury to find out the particulars of the meeting of the Gods at which he was made After much difficulty he obtained the following account Once there these gathered in the heavens all the gods in council They looked with disgust at the miserable earth with its puny inhabitants who dared to think and express ideas about their creation Jove advised sending a thunderbolt to crush rush it Vulcan favored blowing his bellows and sending Vesuvius into an eruption Planning thus they were about to destroy the earth and its people when Athena happened to see the University of Utah standing like a preacher in the midst of a sinful and corrupt flock Athena took pity on the earth for the sake of the University and bade her comrades stay its destruction until they had seen the v virtues of our school This they agreed to do and for a long time th they y watched our actions They listened to Allens Allen's stale jokes unflinchingly they laughed with Prof Whiting pitied Mr Reynolds and his pile of papers and sympathized with Prof Matthews in his philosophical studies Then they de d i F 1 fl r L il f 1 it 1 b Ik U not to destroy the earth and to build the U University ni of Utah into the grandest noblest and most perfect of all earthly institutions Then they debated about the present needs of the school Caesar roared about the way his hie texts were butchered Cicero said their translations translations translations trans trans- lations were driving him liim insane Jove lamented their ignorance of Mythology Mars Mais said they had no athletic interests Hestia said they lacked lacke patriotism Zeus kicked about the lack of oj interest in the CHRONICLE So they went on until all the in infirmities of the school were known They then decided to send a messenger to earth to heal these infirmities infirmities infirmities infirm- infirm and make o of the University of Utah the best school in the world They saw no one among the assembled gods who was fitted for this work so they decided to make a man to order for the task To do this Ares made a flying tackle and downed a passing comet Out of the choicest parts of this made they this man and formed they him in the exact proportions needed to perfect the school When they had finished this their noblest work Vulcan blew into him him the breath of life with his bellows This done Prof Cummings as they named him was seated in a chariot of fire and driven to earth where he lie has ever labored f faithfully to fulfill the purpose purpose pur purpose pose of his creation In new days gone by byo So o o long ago it seems seems 1 I i Then slowly time slowly time did hie When lessons lessans filled my dreams t J ALAS I mJ But now when I attain The Senior class so wise f N What is it turns my brain echo 1 softly sighs r A LASS LASS' |