| Show F P Er Fair but False I I 1 SAY Tom old fel what's up tonight tonight tonight to to- night anyway Governor been blowin a you up again or has your best girl gone back on you You may not be aware of it but you have been as blue as a frozen Irishman these last few days Why pshaw Frank what makes you think so Maybe I am rather blue though come to think about it Nothing serious however guess it'll soon pass o off ff Tom Ashleigh was the beau ideal of Inverness College He was tall tall six six feet two inches to be accurate well accurate well well- built with curly brown hair blue eyes and handsome features which may account in some degree for the adoration adoration adoration adora adora- tion he always secured from the fair lassies of his acquaintance There may maybe maybe maybe be another reason also namely he was an athlete no youth in school could hold his own in box boxing ng wrestling or jumping with Tom and his foot ball playing was simply divine The side on which he played was always victor and the shouts and cheers which the college foot ball team invariably received received re re- re were meant almost exclusively for Tom for without him the success of his side would be a a missing quantity Tom was likewise a flirt somehow he succeeded in bringing captive to his feet the heart of a fair maiden just as easily as he succeeded in laying low his ablest opponent in boxing or wrestling In the one case he merely smiled as he asked a pleasant question in the other he lie simply tried his strength to see what he could do Frank Wetherell Toms Tom's chum and room room mate mate at college had been watching watching watching watch watch- ing for some time the gloom and depression depression depression de de- of his friend and could forbear to speak of it no longer Come sonny out with it lets let's have haveit it all You can play Im I'm your Father Confessor while you proceed at once to tell me the cause of this unusual fit of Li despondency I hardly like the J toms toms they they dont don't match your complexion complexion complexion com com- r you must be in love Youre You're right Frank I am rather in inthe inthe inthe the dumps but I guess Id I'd ought to be got cause enough anyhow Truth is Im I'm in a deuce of a box and I old boy you can help me out if you will Out with it Well Vell you know Linda May the the the- um Uh I thought so but y-e-s y go on I know Linda May to be without any exception the prettiest girl in the whole school and you can think yourself yourself yourself your your- self a blamed lucky chap to secure he her favor as you have done I know a dozen fellers at would give their old shoes to get just one-half one the smiles she showers upon you II s 's that so sOp son indeed Well they can have her smiles and keep their old shoes for all I care I used to fancy I Iwas Iwas Iwas was in love with the girl but I have i found her false false in in a guttural whisper false to the very core Why how so Tom What do you mean Explain yourself I mean simply this Ive I've asked that girl to marry me and now by Jove I wish I knew how to ask her not to marry me You know Frank if there is anything I adore its it's a pretty girl I love them all it doesn't matter who they are just so they're pretty And the chief attraction of a girls girl's beauty in my eyes is her hair and her teeth I dont don't care how pretty the rest of her face is if her hairs hair's awry and her teeth re ugly her face hath no more charms I for me But what's that got to do with Linda Her hair is beautiful just beautiful just a amass amass amass mass of conden condensed ed sunshine and her teeth dream of pearly teeth why why they're a sweetness If theres there's anything beautiful beautiful beautiful ful about Linda its it's her hair and her teeth I think Do eh But wait you wont won't let me finish my story Once last summer when I was breaking in my new horse and of course had him hitched to one of those little wheeled two-wheeled road carts I met the divine Linda and asked her where she was going Down to the farm she said and youre you're just the one to take me there if you dont don't mind Jump in says I and in less time than it takes to tell it we were J r off Everything went smoothly until we came to the rough roads All of a sudden the cart bumped over an elevation elevation elevation eleva eleva- tion that I had not seen and Linda with unintentional suddenness had gracefully taken a handed back-handed leap to find nd in the road an unkind but durable resting I tried with all my might to check my charger that I might fly to the poor childs child's rescue and become thereby the exalted hero of the hour Finally I succeeded found her still breathing and not a little shaken u up She looked kinda strange though why why I knew not Her hat had fallen off and lay at some distance I went to pick it up when when horrors horrors I found not only her hat but a glorious halo of condensed sunshine also How I recovered my equilibrium after this startling discovery I reserve for another series of lectures Suffice it that I did survive and after many brave battles and courses of with my unruly unruly unruly un un- ruly self I succeeded in looking again with favor upon the undeniable but imf impaired impaired im im- f paired beauty of my idol t But what what what-It Now Franky dear dont don't begin to defend her for the worst remains to be told Last week we were walking quietly home from the Faculty reception composedly talking over the events of the evening The night was resplendent resplendent resplendent dent the leaves were just beginning to todon todon todon don their usual autumn gaiety and the calm grandeur of th the mountains above us seemed to insure their watchful protection protection protection pro pro- of the peaceful little valley with all its inmates I cann cannot t describe my feelings or what mischievous little sprite possessed me but before I was aware of it my arm had slipped gently around Lindas Linda's slender waist and I was whispering in her ear that I loved her her her- loved her better than life itself and would always cherish her as my lifes life's guiding star my fair guardian angel etc etc She listened to my raving with never a murmur of assent or dissent dissent dissent dis dis- sent until we reached her gate when I i turned to kiss her good I pressed j my lips fondly to hers when to my j horror her teeth dropped from her her mouth and almost into mine Now Now Now-j Frank I submit to you this proposition Is it not a fair test of any fellows fellow's affection to be compelled to place in its proper position a womans woman's chief adornment adornment adornment adorn adorn- ment But when it comes to having your kisses flavored with vulcanized rubber and porcelain teeth I declare unto you my friend its it's too much for forthe forthe forthe the nervous system of even even an athlete Tom arose and pointing his finger at athis athis athis his convulsed companion said gently And now my dearie if you have nothing to say for yourself I have and that is that you are are welcome to my y fair false one one one- one condensed condensed sunshine l vulcanized kisses and all ji U n. n |
