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Show mm , MABEL'S CHITCHAT The Best Cook In America, Who Didn't Make Good. Ut DINNER ALL IN THE SOUP. i- . p it Confusing Results That Ensue From Reading Magazine and Nowspaper ' r Stories Abiut What to Eat and What Not to Eat. My "Dear Elan I have buoIi a good Joke on Dick, i'ou know I ho dour boy ' ' vhh recently Inntiljig in Canada, and Jusl foeforo he started for homo 1 ru- .celved thin telegram: "Am bringing on , tho best cook in America. (Set ready tho fatted calf." Well, dear, yon know how excited 1 was at the prospect of acquiring such jt domestic prize, for between yon and me 1 had reached a .state when anything any-thing that could cook potatoes was a bine ribbon winner. And my neighbors neigh-bors were almost as -excited over tho "find" as myself. 'hi a few days -Dick came breezing In, and following after him in n shambling fashion appeared a woman without a hat, attired In a bright red sweater, a yellow skirt and necktie. Closer view elicited the fact that she was a full blooded Indian squaw. I boro the shock of tho discovery "manfully" for Dick's sake, merely inquiring her name. "Gwendolyn." he leplied, "and she's the llnest cook In America, and, so to speak, we owu her." Trying to feel hopeful about our recently re-cently acquired possession, I introduced Gwendolyn to Nora, our second girl, and then Initiated her Into tho mysteries myste-ries of tho kitchen. Next day Gwendolyn Gwen-dolyn took holtl-fu good earnest) nnd, feeling secure in the culinary ability of my prize, I Invited several of our near est friends in to have dinner. Time passed, and the assembled guests expectantly ex-pectantly awaited dinner assembled and waited. At last, with some misgivings, mis-givings, I sought the kitchen, and ns 1 opened the door a most alarming volume vol-ume of smoke greeted me. I returned to the dining room with the report that it might bo all right, but Gwendolyn didn't seem to understand the use of coal exactly. She had built a kind of bonfire on top of the range. I refrained from looking at Dick during tbc recital. Well, Elsa, dear, there was a long and u- - omlnoua pause. Theitthe door swung "" """'?" open' and Nora entered with the largest tureen I own iu her hands. She set It down in front of Dick with a thump - nnd n swash. "It's' for you to serve It," said Bhe. "It nin't soup; it ain't roost; It's Injun stow, and I'm leaving this place tomorrow." tomor-row." Nora retired. It was evident she was emotionally stirred. "Dick," I cried nnpcallngly, "what l it?" "V . Dick gingerly removed tho tureen cover nnd ladled forth a conglomerate? mixture. The dinner was In the soup, literally and entirely, from oysters to cheese, while tUe sirloin roast appeared JgnomlnTously cut into chunks swimming swim-ming in tho midst. A shout went up from the company, nnd in a phorus wo gasped: "Why did yon think she could cook?" "Why," explained .Dick, "you just ought to havo tasted the ducks she roasted for us. Ilung 'em up by tho weeks, you knownnd turned them round nnd round. ucorge, they melted In your mouth! They were wonderful. We drew lots, the fellows nnd I, to see who should bring her homo with us. I can't understand how she made this mess." "Dick," I laughingly interrupted, "what else did she cook for you?" "Well, If you had tasted those ducks you would liavo said that was enough." What did wo do for dinner? We phoned for n taxi and beat it to tho nearest good hotel for a square meal. i Dick? AVell, he hasn't complained J about any of the awful things served up to us by ladles of various countries nnd principalities who hnve reigned In , ' our kitchen slnco the departure of his rarn avis. I'm nfrald you nro heartily tired of the "eats" subject, but while on the warpath doesn't It make you tired the ndvlco one gets from mngazJno nnd newspaper stories on what to eat and what not to eat? After conscientiously perusing r score or two of these articles you find that tncat heats tho blood, clogs the liver and spoils the complexion; that fish contains tho germ of leprosy and shellfish harbors ptomaines: that the starch tucked away iu wheat, rice and potatoes is tho source of untold ills nnd sugar causes rheumatism and gout, Sy fruit teems with dysentery, raw vege tables are n mass of 'indigestible- cellulose cellu-lose and cooked vegetables aro only a degree less bo, eggs nro not always particularly par-ticularly nourishing and decidedly indigestible indi-gestible and spices aro poison pure aud simple. I You discover in another article per- I baps (hut ten Is ft fonrsomo nlknloltl, I causing dyspopsla nnd shattered nerves, 1 and thai- ooEfaiiJa .more jia. wWUj..juUu --.II ! .. I ImI IW..M. m !, II . -. , .J. la ihR ivruT Transmitter or ruberctuo-els. ruberctuo-els. I really was in n stnto of collapse when I rend that too moiry hearty meals wear out tho stomach and too light ones cause general debility. Now, what is a poor mortal to do go on nibbling nib-bling sweets nnd drinking sundaes until un-til the bank account dwindles? Write nnd ndvino your bewildered MAHEL, |