Show r SOME STORiES A rOaR POoR philologist Carey Care Johnson Ludlam am tho the Southern In the tho h c course urso of or a n lecture on Another in Charleston said Tho The neologism Is ls salesmanship ft have columns column of or the maga- maga fn for r S Several Ier months abounded In this thu W word Schools of or bOk salesmanship on salesmanship secrets o of or sale m c r ono one rends reads of or nothIng nothIng noth- noth Ing else olse Tho The ag oed aged scholar smiled And a speaking of or schools of or sales sales- manship mo he ue said sald- I I h hope hepe P that th the salesman who accosted me mo on my way here hero thit this o evening will tako toke an eight or nine nino years years' course Im I'm sure ho he hoi needs It ft i This an a s shabby young man laid id his hand on m my arm olm and said said- Say 1 friend lommo lemmo soil sell yo ye 0 a a. box bo of or this hero Patent potent cement T 1 i shook off orr his filthy paw Cement Cenen I 1 sneered annoyed at his familiarity familiarity- What do I want wat with cement Why h cried the tho man In apparent surprise aint aint yo ye 0 broke Ye Ye look IL It TIll POSSUM In KING G. G Barr Harry Fischer the Georgia possum king Icing described durin during the possum course of an Alabama banquet the tho best way to kill kill clean cloan and cook cool a a. possum pos pos- Lu sum m This rich moat Mr Ir Fischer concluded concluded con con- eluded would bo be as popular as crab but for some something thin repulsive about Il It What tho repulsive quality Is I cant can't tell but It exists and It makes the tho possum i In many persons' persons minds hor hor- This vague horror In something delicious recalls to me tho the remark made by br one cab driver to another at ata ata a funeral Here Tom Torn said the man git down from cr box The Tho corpses corpse's brother wants us to come Inside and ond havo a 0 drink with him A AX AN UNSYMPATHETIC U AUDIENCE I dined dIne with Somerset Maugham at atthe atthe atthe the Ritz In London said a a. poet Maugham who now grinds out a million mil mU- lion llon dollar comedy ever every month or two began begun by writing tragedies In German From tragedies In German to Mrs rs Dottl Dotti I cried How did you ou come cometo cometo to It IL Somerset lie He r peeled t the ie silver wrapping from froma a 0 Orea great reat black cigar My Iy German tragedies ho he said had few tew hearers and these hearers were wore sympathetic I x In those days das was like the tho science professor who found one ono nih night that his audience consisted consisted con con- slated of ot but a n single p person Tho The amphitheater was very largo large The audience a a. little man sat eat high up and far back bacle on the last bench My Iy friend sa said III the tho professor genially why dont don't you como come nearer You would hear much better on tho the front row Oh rats said the tho audience I 1 didn't como come In to listen to you OU I came camo to Jet cret warm AX AN UNSUCCESSFUL ADVERTISE AD 11 MENT ZENT r X I Edwin F. F Marvin conductor of or the tho national division of ot the tho Sons of ot Tem Tom Temperance Temperance perance was discussing in Bridgeport Conn a 0 flagrant piece of ot bribery brIber Bribery like a worm In fruit ho lie said spoils all It enters And what hat won non t It enter A temperance society soc In the middle West once had a 0 splendid lecturer a n reformed drunkard This lecturer after a 0 year or so was discharged An admirer admirer admirer ad ad- asked wh why ho had been released rolen and tho the society's president answered Dont you ou remember how he continually con con- referred to tho the Irresistible se seductions so- so of ot a certain brand of or beer at attributing at- at ti his downfall to It Well It turns out that the tho brewer paid him a 0 quarter for tor every time ho rang In the beers beer's name 4 A. A WOMAN OX ON WAn An Mrs hello Bollo do Rivera Ri tho the new president president dent of ot tho the Federation of ot Women's omens clubs said cald recently In Now York that woman when she sho got tho the vote would abolish warThe war Tho The worlds world's leading cadIng minds have havo long known war wor to bo be sinfully horribly un un- necessary eho she said It lt Is because tho the worlds world's leading minds are not In power that war goes Joes on on that that we wo spend annually In the tho preparation for tor war enough to abolish Ignorance and want forever Well Wen woman with her vote voto will give e tho the power to minds that will know lenow how to use It Righteous wars Oh every evory war is called a 0 righteous one Both iloth sides call It righteous Yet no war wor was ever an any anymore anymore more righteous than the tho combat of ot the tho Saylor twins Tho The mothr mother of ot the Saylor Salor twins found them fighting furiously Willie tho the larger twin was on top Ho lIo was beating Tommy about the tho face faco arid and head strike Why Willie how dare daro you your brother like liko that r cried tho the mother taking tho the boy by tho the car eor and ond pulling him off ott I had good cause to strike him Willie Willio said What do you ou mean meon she asked Vh Why said Willie with a righteous air nir I let him use m my m sled all last Saturday on condition that hed he'd say m my prayers for tor me every evory night this week And hero hore Ive I've Just found out that hes he's skipped three days A BOX nox MOT James Houghton president of or tho the Building Commissioners' Commissioners society was applauded for a 0 bon mot at a 0 builders' builders banquet In Minneapolis A poor said Mr Hough Hough- Houghton Roughton I ton will In tho the end cause tho the collapse of everything but scandal TIlE THE CONFUSING ANTHEM Mary Anderson de Navarro Navarre at a I luncheon In New York told a 0 story about her little bo boy In our church she sho said tho the choir ono one Sunday Sunda morning mornin sang ho tho anthem Wo All Like Sheep Havo Have Strayed You know how that th anthem begins Ye We We all lure liko sheep wo we all like sheep heep Well at ot tho the end of or those two phrases my little boy whispered with witha a 0 puzzled frown I suppose they mean they all like mutton d dont don't nt tho they PLAIN PLAIX EVERYDAY E THINGS W W. II IL Edwards Now New Yorks York's street clean cleaning i ii g comm commissioner issi on er has dis distinguished distinguished distin distin- tin himself on ever every occasion by his Ms splendid handling of oZ the tho snow problem I I suppose Mr Edwards said sold an Interviewer that your our college education education tion has greatly helped you to a thorough thorough thor thor- ou ough h grasp of or street cleaning The commissioner smiled H I That sounds good ho he sol said but I dont don't think Its It's true Differential calculus calculus calculus cal cal- culus and tho the gnomic aorIst are aro all vcr very well but In street cleaning they dont don't hold a 0 candle to plain ordinary everyday American hustle Plain ordinary ly everyday things things- they thoy are the tho ones that count they are aro the lovers said Mr Edwards philo philo- Tr to above them Try soar and anti the truth brings you OU down do with a bump such as M aeronauts got get gotI I said old the other othor day to a o. bachelor who was going to got married Well Jim at your our time of or life life life- Hes Hos getting on you OU know know 40 40 or so II Well Jim at your our time of ot life UCo I said I 1 suppose a man does feel the tho o ui Uj u. u U ana U ng a in infection r- r wherewith wherewith- II Oh Oh rats Jim Interrupted Im Tm getting getting getting get get- I ting tired of darning my own socks socks socks- that's what's tho the matter mC with me mo lADERE AND THE rilE PIGS said an nn insurance man mon broke broko his finger nail last month and collected In accident ance anco Not badI badI bad I complimented on his fame ante at tho the time of tho the accident Ho lie laughed and told me mo modestly a 0 stor story that depreciated his fame Ho said that ho he takes a 1 great In Interest Interest Interest In- In terest In lIvo hivo stock On his estate in Poland ho he has hos tho the best varieties of or pigs cattle cottlo sheep and chickens While touring ho he never ne neglects an opportunity opportunity to add to this fine tino collection In the tho West est once ho got an nn agent to buy him fifty pl pigs s of oC a 0 breed that had bad taken a lot of ot firsts and blue rib rib- bon bone bons A week or two after alor tho purchase pur- pur pur pur- purchase chase ho une unexpectedly went West himself himself him him- self and of oC course courso motored out to tho the farm form where his now new pigs wore Ho lie wanted to look them over The farmer somehow didn't catch his name iamo But Buthe Jie showed showed- hl his prize Pig and 11 19 pointed out with witha a n good deal dent of ot pride the tho fifty that had just lust been sold Bold 1 Fine ino pigs them thorn ho bo said heartily As fine a n lot of ot pl pips pigs s as you'll see In Ina I a n months month's traveL Ive I've Just sold emby em cm by the way woy to Mr tho the famous pig dealer from abroad |