| Show FRAGMENTS OF FUN FUNA I IA A ba baseball ebal umpire has been 1001 elected mayor Ul of Mem Conn Comm If I he has ei e ever ct-cm- umpired at the time people peo pee pIe pe of that town towi have beaten tho time record rec cc ord old for COl charity lie He le ha has a promising future e. lies He's es a u avery avery very eloquent young oln r. Oh he's hes too old oid He lie will vill wi Insist upon taking his ims texts from the Bible Philadelphia Ledger cl You ye YOI mus' mus C fight ht do c good fight said Brother Williams llam to his congregation but ut I dont don't mean nican Lint dat tat you ou mus' mus go 0 U Into It wl a hymn book In iii one nan han en a arzor razor In dc do yuther Atlanta Atlanta C lonA Lion tion lon A college e professor Or sa says s 's that lint twenty years from Crom now women will I ihl be ruling the time world word I 1 dont ont dou doubt t It I. I I see no immediate prospects for man getting the time ema cy C Minneapolis Tribune I She I Is so 10 rigidly conscientious Indeed hYes ix h.- h. v S Yes Sue She sticks to o her principles as us asIf asif If it were a matter mater of etiquette Brook Brool Brook Brooklyn lyn Iu Life Lic Bacon Did Bacon Did you ou s say It I was a a case ot love 10 at first sight Ight Egbert rt Yes h he lie saw her In tho tIme bank hanl Statesman with wih a fist nil full Cul of oC big Ilg bills Yonkers Would you rOl marr marry a n man for mone money No No 0 Miss Cayenne and yet et I doat dont ont think I should regard a n man maim manas manas as being especially desirable because c o or his poverty Washington lon Star J I J II t I r i t t r rt I x I Thc lie Invalid Invalid Invalid-Docto- I must Jo positively il el Insist upon knowing the worst voist DI Dr Wise Ise Well I guess m my bill bi will willbe wi be bo about 85 83 S Francois head coachman to lo James 1 Hyde Is of or herculean proportions pm lon for fOI It i is fashionable to lo ha have 0 Imposing Im Jm- posing gigantic gIgantc men for COl this office Francois who has imas worked for Cor W. W K Vanderbilt bilt and amid Mrs s. O. O H. H P P. Bemont Belmont Bel- Bel mont moat and who b by request led iou tho time coronation cor cor- pm of the lie Russian C czar ar was tIme the guest of honor at tit a ad d dinner humor of oC racing men amen The Time herculean Frenchman Fm tol told at nl t h tl is dinner a story y about a girl and a u book bookmaker ma k cm There was a girl he aid said who went cut to tho time races aces and was attracted by the time b betting She Sime mingled le in Iii the lie crowd clowd about the bookmakers The excitement pro- pro there communicated Itself to he her spirit She Site approached a bookmaker bookmaker book boo maker maliC and said ald If I I put a dollar dolar on a horse horse- and antI ii il wins how much do 10 I get If J the horse hOIe starts start at t 60 to lo 1 1 the time bookmaker answered you ou get gel ct 01 61 G I I If J it It starts at 20 O to 1 you get 21 21 21 If I It I starts at nt 10 II to tu 1 I Sou oti get set 1 11 1 1 The girl still looked locket puzzled But ut she site said suppose it starts at I r Bourke Cockran apropos of St. St St Pal Pal- eh day told an Irish lith story There Theme was is-as an Irl Irish h schoolmaster he lie said who WIle was examining a claIn class s In geography raph one day Now No my lad larl he lie said to In a CI CC I cha chap toil tell us Wi what latitude is Is' Is The Time clever little chap smiled and winked vi 4 I Latitude he said ald Oh 01 sir there's theres none of nf that in lr Ireland land Sure Hurc time tho English dont don't allow us al any sir Ir A 4 Manchester manufacturer ei was waO praising ri the late J Lord ord who iho Invented the wool carding machine tho time machine which in a marvelous manner takes tales In at one en end emid huge hugo armloads arm loads of wool and discharges at time the theother other en end woolen yarn mn ready m-eady for COl spin spill ning Lord Masham spent shout some fome years of or his youth in America Americ said ail the manu manu- He liked out our OU American ways Ho lie 10 profIted profiled by thou them So Ho earnestly earnestly earn earn- c estly ty on hl his return ui to 10 England land did lid he urge urle the time English people to lo imitate the Americans that he ime was wa given the nickname of American Jacl JackI Jack I I knew Lord Loid and antI he Ime told toJ nb mo that he lie imputed his success s to his adoption of ot the time American spirit the spirit the spirit of oC humble and unremitting In- In an and struggle le Unremitting emittIng Inquiry a great eat struggle gb gle Jle after afteL arel Improvement was the time keynote key key- rote note fote of the American character cham-acter Lord Lor said aid and what simat he lie disliked l in tho character of too many Britons was wa the direct opposite to this a a stupid amid domineering Ignorance Stupid and domineering Ignorance ance ance armce al said T Lord old Masham Why h a cockney visited m my Swinton halt hall hal es estate estate es- es tate ate one da day and seeing a I fan farm bo boy planting potatoes shouted to 10 the lie lad HI HI sy sr what do you OU want hl a-hl a ln them potatoes for Cor you ou Idiot Dont Don't you know the things Indirectly more forcibly sometimes sonic some I times than directly tl said Senator Foraker Foraker Foraker For- For I aker at a 3 dinner a n man ma may be bt ac uc- uc Thus hus a good gool woman of oC Cincinnati Cincinnat called caler her hem cook one morning morning an and said Mar Mary come com and und take tale the parrot out of or the be bed room at once oneo The master has ha lost his collar colar buton button 0 f i J i l. l I |
