Show what what 06 U J thinks about The Peasant Candidate TEX To TEX To eer- eer HOUSTON 1 1 tain lain candidates Dear cans please discourage your campaign strategists whoever those poor antiquarians may be who believe you can prove the Spartan simplicity of your our rugged souls by inviting distinguished distinguished distin distin- visitors to drop in for potluck pot with you and the fam fait family ily ity in the kitchen Because dear cans that's old slut stuff It dates dales back to the Mcintyre tyre and heath era of political vaudeville The great common people pee peo pIe may be common common anyhow anyhow the orators k keep e e p on telling them they are but they arent aren't exactly stu stu- pid Merely because because be be- cause a man has ions hasto hasto to live In the deep woods wooda doesn't mean menn he has to think like a wood wood- pecker I contend Its It's generally t the theother theother h e eother other way aroun around I Irvin S S. S Cobb With the exception of Mr Ir Dooley practically all the outstanding satiric sa Sl tide observers of f our national tollies follies tol fol lies sprang from the soil soli and amid not from the sidewalk If there are any true yokels left their principal principal pal center Is New York city And If tt ever er there them was ns a aday day when Americans Amer Amer- leans In mass man believed a man llIan could best qualify quality for tor the Presidency by behaving like a peasant that day lint has passed Odorless C Cabbage bb g SOME SO experimental genius at Cornell Cornell Cornell Cor Cor- nell university hits hus bred a non non- odorous cabbage cabbage-a a thing absolutely absolute ly Iy guaranteed to remain ble while being cooked I presume he crossed It with the tuberose Now I never protested when they produced a spring onion with no aftermath to It no lingering remi remi- ls ence Fair enough I said after all why liy not let bygones blones be bygones bygones' And I shall welcome with glad outcries the evolution of the time anti- anti squirt grapefruit and the time self open ing coconut and greatest boon of all the radish Rut nut to take away from the time succulent succulent suc fried tried cabbage Its Ita only means of self defense tense seems a cruel thing BesIdes Resides how In n future would a stranger be able after atter dark to Identify identify Iden Iden- an nn old fashioned two dollar a aday day American plan hotel betel Once he got Inside and saw the Gideon Bibles and and met the resident cockroaches cock sock roaches hed he'd know of course where where he was 08 but how about approaching In the time time night-time with no perfume to guide him e e e eThe The Courage Coure of 01 Texans m s 's S something about Texans TexA Tex Tex- A ans ans' ans something different The men who tramped the Oregon Oregon Oregon Ore Ore- gon trail were were homesteaders They y took their wives with them and plows and seed-corn seed the forty nin ers who went to California had shovels on their shoulders and and If If you can believe the Susannah song son It on their lr knees Rut nut If It came to a pinch they timey threw away the banjos first Because they were looking for tor gold Rut nut In the time beginning beginning beginning begin begin- ning those who came to Texas carried car Pled ried rifles and kept their eyes peeled They were looking for tor trouble trou trou- ble And how bow the found It For nobody dreamed then of ot the Incredibly rich and fertile t empire this would be The only prospect was for tor a fight against the wilderness wilder wilder- ness S e e The Happy Warrior Grammar N TILE THE Sabbath calm following I IN the explosion of Al AI over the ether you ou could almost hear the purists murmurIng murmur murmur- Ing lag Re ne sure thy will find thee out but the purist vote Isn't big enough to count For culture a collegiate accent may have It allover allover all nl over the Brooklyn brogue but there are more people crossing Brooklyn bridge every day than go 10 through Yale or Harvard In CO ro years Governor SmIth ma not may pronounce pronounce pronounce pro pro- radio the correct nay way way-as as some critics already have already pointed out but but he certainly knows what to do with willi It when he be faces a microphone All grammar aside and aside and why not all grammar aside If leaving heaving It aside keeps simpie sim pie when speech speech when be he gets geta through talking there are no missing wissIng word word won contests contest C o e e eThe The Tha War In the Papers Paper MODERN wars are won by the side with the best advance e agent agent st at least so tar for us the time press notices go In the Inspired reports sent sent out from Rome Home one reads read that the white Invaders have hare again routed routed rout rout- ed tome tile dismayed Ethiopians after destroying tremendous numbers o ot of till the bla black k warriors while casualties casual casuat- ties on o the he Italian side amounted to two Infantrymen en suffering from tall rail fal railI en arches sail and one bystander mn I I fully tully kicked by an nn ambulance e mule OJule Or statistics to that gratifying ef et feet And next day a trickles out from Africa that the victory was so complete the winners win ners cera only tell fell bArk back shout 20 SO miles I IRVIN S S. 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