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Show NOT THE SAME. Booth Tarknjgton, congratulated on his vivid and poetical portrayals of colored characters, told a story at a dinner in New York: "An old colored man," he said, "went to the polls one day to register. "'What's your name, uncle?' the clerk asked. " 'Mali name am George Washington, Washing-ton, sah,' the old fellow answered. "'George Washington, eh?' said the clerk. 'Well, George, are you the fellow fel-low that cut down the cherry tree?' " 'No, sah,' said the old man. 'No sah, I ain't. I ain't done no work at all, sah, fo' nigh onter free years.' " A GOOD PROVIDER. "Is he a good provider?" "I should say he is. He keeps his wife busy over a hot stove every day cooking the stuff he provides." Not Such a Fool. "Here's a strange case," said Mrs. Spotter to her husband. "A man they called the town fool up in New Hampshire Hamp-shire died, and they weighed his brain. It was heavier than the average." "Is that all it says about him?" "Yes except that he was for many years entirely dependent on well-to-do relatives." "Huh he was no fool. If you hava well-to-do relatives, why use your brains?" Judge. What's the Use. I'm told the monkey language Close study will repay, But e'en could I converse with them, I'd nothing have to say. Pleasant as Could Be. "A number of women attended this prizefight." "I hope none of them felt sick during dur-ing the bout," said the humane man, who thought perhaps the sight of blood had upset the gentle creatures. "Oh, no. Ths men were not permitted permit-ted to smoke, because of the lire risk, and there were no rank cigar fumes to offend their delicate nostrils." Oh, Certainly Not. "I want to tell you something about that Gadders girl," said Mrs. Twobble In a half whisper. "I'm all attention," said Mrs. Dub-waite, Dub-waite, leaning over so as not to miss a word. "She read Boccaccio!" "Oh, but she reads his stories in Italian. That isn't half as had, you know," as reading an English translation." Couldn't Touch Him. "I hear we are face to face with a diamond famine,'" remarked the talkative talka-tive old gentleman. "Umph!" replied the occupant of a neighboring stool in a lunchroom, who was making a meal on coffee and "sinkers." "I could be face to face with a diamond famine for ninety-nine years and not be aware of it." NO WAY OUT OF IT. On) 41 f (I Reggy What do you suppose 1 sale? when she called me a fool? Peggy Said! What could you say? Reasons. The stingiest man in the world sued for divorce because his wife was wasteful and extravagant. "Will you give the court some specific spe-cific instances?" asked the lawyer. "Well, one day she goes and buys three toothbrushes, one for herself and one for each of the kids. And the worst of it was, we already had one good one." Gargoyle. Different. Redd An automobile is so different from a horse. Greene Why, of course. "You see, a horse goes faster when he's going home than when going away from home." "Well, doesn't an automobile?" "Oh, no; you see, an automobile often has to be towed home." Supervision. A business man exclaimed:: "TIow nice! So many strive my shop to run, That I may simply take advice And give my time to rest and fun." Handicapped. "What's do reason," inquired Loitering Loiter-ing Luke, "dat you can't go ahead an' git yourself reformed?" "It's jes' hard luck," replied Plodding Plod-ding Peter. "I never could manage to git arrested In a way dat would give me de advantage of do right kind of a penitentiary." Unusual Politeness. Mrs. Myles Hear your husband is just back from Paris. Mrs. Styles Oh, yes. "How did he find Paris during the awful war?" "Tiresome. You see they have woman wom-an conductors in Paris, and my husband hus-band will never keep his seat while a lady is standin. in a car." Let It Go at That. Peckem Why is the telephone like matrimony, my dear? Mrs. Peckem Oh, 1 suppose It's because be-cause one doesn't always got the right party. Peckem That isn't the right answer but it is good, and we'll let it go at that. The Quality of Mercy. Country Justice I find you not guilty and fine you $1. Defendant But er Justice Now, shut up! If you'd been guilty I'd er fined you $10! . Really! Miss (at the piano, angrily) As soon as I open my mouth that miserable miser-able dog at the neighbor's begins to howl. Cook (consolingly) Never mind, miss, .that dog howls even when X sing! Fliegcnde Blaettcr (Munich). Mixed Benefits. "We want to introduce the blessings of civilization among you." , "Yes," answered the savago. "Tho only trouble is that when you also introduce in-troduce your improved war mechanism so many of us won't live to enjoy them." SURGICAL NEEDS. "Do you have to be examined by a physician before Joining the Aviation club?" "No: not until after you have made your first flight." Works Both Ways. The Hear Isn't it strango that a few gallons of oil will calm a storm at sea? The Lull Oh, I don't know. A few drops will start a storm In Wall street. His Specialty. Ilokus Scribbler has had no less than nine days rejected. I'olt us What is he doing now? Hokus Writing essays on the decline de-cline of the drama. Life. Fixing the Elame. "Miss Prudeleigh Is awfully shy. .n't she?" remarked young Muggs. "Yes," rejoined the fair widow. ."1 wonder if she gels it from her mother?" moth-er?" "No: from her father. I Imagine." said Muggs. "I understand be used to be a great poker player." Not Absorbing. "Have you read Scrihson's latet novel ?" "Yes. I bought It to while away a railway journey " "How did you like it?" "Judge for yourself. 1 was on a local train thai slopped at every station, sta-tion, and I can repeat their names from memory." Quite So. "Isn't this ballet scene rather rough fun?" "Perhaps, but what can you expect but horseplay from a pony ballet?" Suitaole Occupation. "What is that flirting grass widow trying to do?" "To make hay while the sun shines.' |