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Show il YM& Jil iv "r j "For he's a jolly good fellow Which nobody can deny." At the Dinner. Last Christmas a certain minister was invited to a big dinner at the house of one of the leading men in the town. At the dinner table he was placed opposite a goose. The lady of the house was placed on the minister's left- Seeing the goose he remarked: "Shall I sit so close to the goose?" Finding his words a bit equivocal, he turned round to the lady, and said. In a most Inoffensive tone: "Excuse me, my lady; I meant the roast one." OPPORTUNE. " nnh JUalmtte Wonderful Man. Decern Ginks had the most wonderful wonder-ful control of his features of any man I ever knew. ' Burr 1 understand he was a marvel. mar-vel. Decern He was. Why, I've even seen that man look pleased when he Baw what his wife had bought him for Christmas. In Advance. Mrs. Skinflint Oh, John! Mary, the parlor maid, has just swallowed a quarter! What ever shall we do? Old Skinflint Do? Well, I suppose we'd better let her keep it. She'd have expected a Christmas present, anyhow! Once Enough. "Christmas comes but once a year," said the cheery citizen. "No use in its coming twice a year," said the morose person. "Must give a man a chance to save a little money before he can spend it!" Too Late. Highwayman Halt! Your money or your life! Victim It's no go, stranger. My wife's in the same line of business always al-ways at Christmas time, and she's just finished with me. A MYSTERY. George Ah, Lily, dear, this will be the jolliest Christmas I've ever spent. Now that,, we're engaged I think only of the future. Lily Do you? Well, at this time of the j ear I think only of the present. Christmas Thanks. When turkey's on the table laid. And good things I may scan, I'm thankful that I wasn't made A vegetarian. Trouble and a Turkey. Brown was boasting of the fine turkey tur-key he had bought for Christmas. "Biggest bird I ever saw; cost me seven-fifty." "That's nothing to the turkey I had last Christmas," said his friend Jones. "It cost me $150." "One hundred and fifty dollars!" positively shrieked Brown, In his incredulity. in-credulity. "Yes,'.' said Jones, bitterly. "Turkeys," said Brown, looking him straight in the eye, "are generally to be bought for a quarter a pound. Say yours was a quarter, then It must have weighed about 630 pounds!" "It only weighed twenty pounds," said Jones, sadly; "but I bough't it alive and tried to kill It myself. It flew all over the house first and did $150 worth of damage." Two Kinds. There are friends and Christmas tree friends. The latter take all the presents they can get and present you with beautiful boughs. Cackling. Mrs. Gramercy She must hare been surprised when her husband gave her such an expensive present for Christmas. Christ-mas. Mrs. Park Not surprised, my dear, but suspicious. i Dudley Nobs Why does Santa always al-ways leave valuable presents to rich folks and cheap ones to poor people? Why don't he even things up? . A Clean Sweep. Caroline I've been In the stores all day. Pauline So soon after Christmas, and still shopping? Caroline Shopping! I guess not. I'm exchanging all my presents. Dudley Nobs Pa, there's one thing about Santa Claim 1 never could understand. un-derstand. Mr. Nobs What Is that, my son! i i fas "A |