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Show DINNER TABLE CONVERSATION By Becky Sharp in The Los Angeles Graphic yHE society editress, the female f J dramatic critic, the female spe- cial writer, the female movie press agent, and the female school principal meet for dinner in a little French restaurant on Friday evening. The school principal gets in on the charmed circle through having been to school with the dramatic critic and clinging pathetically to this tie with Bohemia. The Society Editress: "Well, I can go light on dinner tonight. I was taken out to lunch by a lady who expects ex-pects to get her picture in the paper as 'one of our prominent society leaders.' lead-ers.' I cultivate 'em in these days of H. C. of L." The Dramatic Critic: "And I was lunched by a hopeful movie star, and have been gorging a five-pound box of chocolates all afternoon sent mo by a grateful producer. You have nothing on me, you giddy social arbiter, you." The Special Writer: "Pshaw! I had lunch with a bishop, my dears. I'm particular wlhat company I keep." The Movie Press Agent: "Oh, you gluttons. And poor little me nearly got pitched out of a newspaper office and felt lucky to lunch off egg-malted-milk and not have to stand treat to some bloated dramatic ctic. What's the cheapest and most nourishing thing on the menu, waiter?" The School Principal: "I guess I'll have the whole regular dinner. Nobody No-body ever stands mo a dinner but myself. As the father of one of my children said to me the other day " Chorus: "Darling!" The School Principal: "What's the matter? He said Well, I'd like to know what you are all laughing at? He said" The S. E.: "Don't, darling, oh, don't. I thought all the scandals were in society." The D. C: "In the theatrical profession, pro-fession, you mean. But you never can tell. These respectable school principals. prin-cipals. . . Heavens, dear, how did you ever live it down?" The S. W.: "And we thought that by admitting a school principal to our parties Ave were leavening them with adamant virtue!" The S. P. (hauntily) : "I'm sorry I'm so dense." Chorus: "Go on dear. Go on. We'll stand by you in your shame." The S. W.: "It's all right, darling. We have wicked evil minds. But you did say the father of one of your children." chil-dren." The S. P. (covered with blushes): "Oh, how can you? Of course I meant the father of one of the school children." chil-dren." The S. W.: "Very well, dear. We'll accept your explanation." The P. A.: "You girls should have been at that author's dinner the other night. It was a scream. Wo wore all gazing ?- ach other and wondering how wo got in on it. It was given by the Librarians, you know. All the nuthors I know weren't there. But I had one next (o mo dear old Shultz. He became more and more morose as time wore on. Iced water and not even a smoke. And Alfred Kreymborg standing up spouting vers libre about little guinea hens and things. Everybody Every-body roared with laughter and Alfred explained that it wasn't meant to bo funny. They thought that was a joke, too, and laughed more than ever. Shultz worked up a conspiracy with the man on the other side of me 'to smoke if he would. Then they tackled the chap next door but ono and tried to inspire him to revolt, too. But he looked dismal and said he daren't. He was the president librarian or something some-thing and had to set a good example." The S. W.: "Oh, why wasn't I there? That's the sort of plaice I steal my original or-iginal ideas from." The P. A.: "Yes, and Frank Baum, the Oz Man, got up and told us he was a classic and would rank with Lewis Carroll and J. M. Barrie in posterity." The D. C: "The dear blessed! Oz-zified Oz-zified already. An aAvful thing happened hap-pened to me this morning. They left off the last two soft lines on one of my paragraphs." The S. W.: "What a lark! I ihave always wanted to chop 'em off myself. Your sweet disposition will get the Ibetter of you. You will get a first class acidulated bit of satire on a handsome movie hero and then have pangs of conscience and stroke him gently in the last two lines. Nicely removing all the ginger-" The S. P.: "Oh, it is all very well for you to be a professional cat, but I don't think it is at all becoming to our dramatic critic to be mean. You go right on being sweet, darling. As I always tell the children " The S. E.: "Oh, no, it is only the Society Editress who has to be perpetually perpet-ually sweet and cloying. That is my cruel lot. The only chance I ever get is a verbal one, when some professional profes-sional prima donna or elocutionist or reader or interpretive dancer tries to put one over on me and get her picture pic-ture on my society page. Then I feel I am the very bulwark of society, impregnable, invinscible, aloof. It's awful these days of Red Crossing, because be-cause every professional who gets in on the game sees a fine opportunity for free advertising and plagues the life out of every society editor in town." The P. A.: "Well, I don't blame 'em for that. I don't see why, when they are giving the silly entertainments their only lure " The D. C: "There speaks our darling dar-ling Press Agent. True until death. She is capable of slipping anything over on you, cherie, any old time. Nothing gets my goat quite so quickly as a deceitful press agent." The S. W.: "When I did my psychopathic psycho-pathic ward story last week, I had to sit through a couple of hearings of the lunacy commission and go through the wards. My dears! I was astonished as-tonished to find no society editresses, no dramatic critics, no press agents (Continued on Page 13.) DINNER TABLE CONVERSATION (Continued from Page 9.) but numerous ex-school teachers. Wo must bo gentle with our school principal." prin-cipal." The S. P.: "Well, I don't wonder. What with the P. T. A. and the mother's moth-er's circles, and the women's clubs and the board of education and the infantile in-fantile uplifters, and the Red Cross and the soldier's kits, and the school orchestras and the home gardening and the sex hygenists, and the summer sum-mer schools, we have enough to drive us mad. One of my teachers got into an awful mixup with a mother's circle a few days ago because she corrected the president's grammar when she said: 'Us mothers is going to attend to this hero matter.'" The S. E.: "Oh, if it comes to grammar, gram-mar, you ought to bo in society. A hauuty dame who was trying to impress im-press mo Avith the importance of giving giv-ing a column and a picture to her daughter's wedding assured mo that 'Me and my daughters was leaders of society in Denver, wo was' and I had a painful session with the lady." The S. W.: "You arrant little snob. Why, my dear, my bishop fished the cherry out of his orangeade with his finger and spilled soup all down his coat. They tell me Billy Sunday has excellent table manners he needs 'em. I am going to weep bitter tears if they don't give me the Billy Sunday assignment." The P. A.: "Well, you won't get it, my dear. You are too catty. And Billy has been taken up by the churches. The newspapers will have to treat him decorously. You won't bo allowed to kill Billy with ridicule, even if you could." The D. C: "Personally I feel that Billy should come under my department. depart-ment. He is the most dramatic thing that has como to town for years." The S. E.: "What do you think about this society circus for the Children's Hospital in Berkeley Square I got a scoop on that. All the very best people " The S. W.: "You bet. Sure. All the very best people the elephants, the skating bears, the boxing kangaroo, Poto, the clown, the movie stars, the cow girls, a professional mannikin Fashion Show and " The S. E.: "Well, it took society to organize it, to think of it, to exploit it, anyway. I intend making it my Sunday lead " The P. A.: "Well, do get a par in about Jane Vernoudy for me, there's a dear, and mention that she is starring at present with the " The S. E.: "I'll be sugared if I do. Try the dramatic critic, angel child. By the way, Phila Miller and Don O'Melveny had a lovely " The S. W.: "No, you don't darling. Thero is nothing in all the world so dull as a society editress' account of a society wedding. They never mention the only really interesting happenings, tho snippy relatives, the best man's faux pas, the bride's maids' garters and the champagne punch that went wrong." The S. P.: "Oh, that reminds me, one of my children told me " Tho D. C: "Do remember that you are a respectable spinister, darling." The S. P.: "If you interrupt again, you'll miss a piquant society scandal, because this child is tho son of a prominent couple who are on the verge of divorce. And ho came to school crying tho other morning because be-cause mamma had thrown the coffee pot at " Tho S. W.: "Bill, please waiter. Heavens! It's nearly 8 p. m. and I haven't written the story about the bishop yet. I positively refuse to listen lis-ten to divorce scandals after lunching with a bishop." The S. E.: "Como up to my office with me, dear. I might get a scoop on it for Sunday. And if tho Special Writer has been lunching with a bishop, she jolly well ought to pay for tho dinners." |