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Show I Wo swoar at dandelions whon upon the lawn ' they grow, ! All streaked with imprecations in our language in its flow, But with the same durned nuisances we fill the magazines Beneath out vests whon they are served as dan- delion greens. 1 1 A Mothers' Mooting back Hast has declared the American eaglo to he a female. Those aggressive ag-gressive old girls may next attempt to put Uncle Sam in skirts. I Next to the cutting of its fir- tooth, the most r pleasing event in tbe habyhoou life of the royal Spanish kid will he the successful culmination of its efforts to get its big too in its mouth, i A Pennsylvania couple named Koddlo have ' sixteen ohlldren; and prohaps not a Molly In the bunch, j "My spear knows no brother," says President Roosevelt. It is almost as closely related to the big stick as if bound by brotherly ties, however Carrie Nation has just declined an offer of I marriage. The fellow who tendered it was por-, por-, ' haps fishing for a Carnegie hero medal. L The watch peddler who came near being lynched in a Kentuoky town a few days ago jj1 perhaps handled tho Water-bury. Spectacles were first made in 1299, but did not come into fashionable use until soveral centuries later whon tho Boston girl was invented. i ! DR. BROADBENT'S j Dental Office, 500 Scott Bldg., 168 Main St. Science has oristoned the green bug which is so dostructivo to wheat "toxoptera granlnum." The name sounds like an echo from, the Thaw trial. Ethel Why did you broak with Jack? Dolly Just to give him a chance to save up enough to got married. Town Tbpics. Tho court has ordorod a Pittsburg rich woman to support her husband. No complaint has ever been hoard of a Pittsburg rich man failing to support his women. Tho govornor of, Kentucky declares himself a lover of tho old-fashioned nightcap. And ho no doubt also lavishes considerable affection upon tho old-fashlonod morning eye-opener. Fire escapes have been placed on the White House, but it is not probable that Theodore will make a dive for one of them every timo Forakor strikes the alarm gong. London boasts of a young woman who is oight foot tall and weighs 845 pounds. Tho young man who wins hor will get tho worth of his wooing, and then some. Ella Is he a weak-kneed follow. Stella I don't know. I never sat on him. Town Topics. A reformer wants a tax placed upon false hair worn by women. But under suoh a law how could an assessor by simply looking at a woman's head adornment tell which was switch. Any Mahatma who says that American women cannot love is a fake. Town Topics. They have sought for perpetual motion Since the oarth we inhabit was young, But no one lias hit any closer to it Than the wag of the gossipor's tongue. Golfer who rather fancies himself) I suppose you've been round the links with worse players than me, oh? (The caddie takes no notice.) Golfer (In his loudest voice) I say, I suppose you've been round tho links with worse players than me, oh?" Caddie I hoard verra wool what yo said the ilrst tlmo. I'm just thinkin' aboot it. Tho Sketch. The debate in tho United States Senate got so warmly personal the other day that tho gal-eries gal-eries were cleared and tho doors looked. Whon tho spectators wore readmitted they were no doubt surprised to note that thoro was no display ' of bloody noses and no eyos in oxooutivo session with closed doors. "Doctor, I want to thank you for your valuable mediolne." "It helped you, did It?" asked the doctor, very much pleased. "It helped me wonderfully." won-derfully." "How many bottles did" you find it necessary to take?", "Oh; I didn't take any. of it. My undo took one bottle, and I am bis sole heir." . . 'Philadelphia Inquirer. |