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Show MRS. MURPHY'S TROUBLE. I Ji J H " 'Mornin', Mrs. O'Brien." HRJifl " 'Mornin', Mrs. Murphy. Yees are lookin' sor- filrlfjfl rowful, Mrs. Murphy, this mornin'. What's the - ffiffB matter?" BIJ'm 'It's troubled I am, Mrs. O'Brien." HJ $ "An' what's the trouble?" ifij 'W "It's appointin' a heretic for chaplain in the t' B army; appointin' a mon to steady the poor boys, fr 1 H who is on the high road to h 1 hisself." ilildlB "Who did that?" KtrJffl "That is the worst of it. It was our own fill ill Sinator Kearns, the same as built the St. Kearns fill JlnM orphanage." - fflfflW "Oh, well, is it not the rule to have heretics wlllH for chaplains in the American army?" Ifiif 19 "Maybe, but that does not change the mat- ffifl !fl ther. The Sinator sphoke for him, gave him a jfil lifl karacter as a good mon worthy the place. Sup- HtLliH pose he gits hit by a stray bullet, or by a snake IBliljIM bite, or by the cholera, and his soul goes aloft, Bil'HM and he says to St. Peter, says he: 'Let me in; I BwlJIM have the endorsement of Sinator Kearns; my kar- afPM acter is foine,' think what a fix it will put the fiff ? 9 Sinator in up beyant" ffilwl "O, niver ye mind! He'll fix St. Peter as astly v fill IP fl as he did Prisidint Snow. Before three days he'll mWfl have a bond from St. Peter for a right-of-way for BM a suburban road, out through the garden, down Hifirfl the finest avenues and depot facilities on the river HPnfl bank." flffiJI "0, well, it's little I care for him oney way, Kj(9 but think of the poor boys in the army. All AtfwiS armies yees know is mostly made of Irish lads; Miff lllfi they get sick at times; they git hit in the battles, IfiiliPlB and they fight sometimes among theirselves, iitf'H when there's no outside war. Suppose one of jfiHf 9 thim nades absolution and this spalpeen of a Hftjylfl heretic chaplain is sint for, and he says: 'I'll fix, hHHI yees all 1 ight I have the authority from Sinator flSH Kearns,' and the poor boy dies thinkln' it's all IflilHH right, what kind of a wakin up will he have? HBB It was all right to give Joe Lippman the District 9HhH Attorneyship, for Joe would have been born; an , HhI Irishman if he could; it was all right to give Va;r HBH Home the Judgeship in Agypt, for they is mostly l HfiBH nagers and English down there bad cess to 'em! HfiHH it was all right to fix a soft chair for Hilton, for HHI he would niver have resigned 'cept ho got another Hlfl place, but this securing for a heretic the place of HBH father and comforter for the poor Irish boys ia HHI the army, that's as much out of place as the Sinator hisself would be at the Slven Edward's coronation. Nixt the Sinator will be buyin a fiddle and going over to play Boyne water to that Irish lad Teddie, who for his last name has one of those unpronounceable appellations which his father had stuck on to catch the Dutch vote. "I tell yees, if this country is not goin' to the divil fast there's nothing in the signs." |