Show j self examination FOR MODERN AMERICANS I 1 havo you been self indulgent c cynical and plea sure lovin loving g tor for sa so many years that you arc not sure whether the national anthem Is the star spangled banner or roll out the barrel Darr cl chave you yet reached the point where you can scrap crap the idea that your country Is a grab bag a radio or a 3 con can you examine your con science critically and deny that you have regarded life as a merry gamble for so BO long that when anybody mentions 1770 you instinctively yell bingol bingo I 1 7 4 have you permitted yourself to grow into a mood which made it easy to define a minute man as somebody who was too slow to put vr over a fast one in 45 seconds 5 ado do you ever think of lexing ton lincoln and liberty as merely the names of automobiles 11 II I 1 does it shame you to discover that while you dont know the words of the star spangled banner you can repeat the chorus of the latest suggestive comedy song hit 2 have you subscribed to the idea that a man who works hard Is a sucker and that anybody who is so interested in his job that he comes in at 7 and sometimes works after 0 p m should be reported to the NLRB 3 chave have you ever stopped to question whether molly pitcher or betsy ross would have gotten much fame today it if they had never been known around the night clubs 4 chave have you ever m made ado a any ny serious protest at the polls against larcenous political machines crooked politicians fence mud dle headed congressmen cockeyed demagogues and professional gravy hunters III I 1 ahas ilas your general a attitude toward corrupt politicians been well they all do it dont they hes a swell fellow personally 2 are arc you as well informed about tho the lives of john davenport nathan hate hale captain prescott and the green mountain boys as you are about the lives of at al capone dutch schultz tommy manville and the reno girls 3 can you love thy rocks and rills thy woods and hills unless youre in a pleasure car with somebody footing the bills 4 Is it your idea that you are doing your bit tor for your country when you pay the cigarette taxes take off your hat to the flag and pay 60 cents to havo have the radio fixed so BO you can hear one third of a patriotic appeal and two thirds of fibber mcgee IV ican I can you read the careers of washington jeff jefferson erson jackson john paul jones farragut perry and ethan allen alien without ever thinking who took cure care of the business when they were away 2 shavo havo you ever read the constitution with one us as much interest as you always read a list of sweepstakes results 3 do you still thrill to a sousa m march arch or does it take something by cole porter to give you a real lift 4 could you ever be a minute man without first wanting to know what the pay was per hour 0 0 rille FIRE HATING MAYOR 1 I hate fires in spite of what you have heard I 1 really hate to go to them mayor florello laguardia of new york in the magazine look oh keep my helmet delmet near my desk and keep one near my bed A fire may break out and its the sort of tiling thing I 1 dread my boots oh ob see that they avenear wherever I 1 may be I 1 hate to go to every blaze binze how it depresses met mcl that siren on my private car please see that its in shape for I 1 must speed to fires alres though I 1 wish I 1 could escape whenever some things burning let me know without delay for I 1 must rush straight to it though id rather stay away 0 0 NOT A LE LEG G the duponts have abandoned the claim to exclusive rights to nylon hosiery recent antitrust anti trust decisions convinced them that they a leg to stand on 0 0 three drinks make a man a dangerous auto driver on an instrument has de demonstrated an understatement staten statement tent nine out of ten auto drivers are dangerous wet dry or 0 0 RECIPE FOR FOI POETIC GREATNESS work hard and study and get writers cramp some day in whiskers be on a stamp slump grace S stevens 0 AW ADD LIES As neutral as a waiter delivering the dinner check As neutral as someone eases face PO powder ader on your husbands lapel As neutral as a newsreel As ii cu eutril fral as political caucus gene cene king |