Show the rogues 9 gallery JOHN LARDNER why go to colic college fag NJ i gy A 4 why sonio some of you guys must still be in the ilia liole hole said elite 30 in frank astonishment by JOHN LARDNE it T phere is a book on the JL market now nov c called was college worth while in which you are told that the average follow fellow who graduated from yale harvard and the university of nebraska 25 years ago is making less than a year for himself and dependents as we go to press yalo yale Il harvard arvard and nebraska are taken merely as examples across cross sections as we say in the statts statistical tl racket surely it must be obvious to the verlest dolt that the author tho of the book could not cover all the american colleges in one survey the average graduate of fresno state teachers college tor for instance may be making a year it if so ho he has only to speak up and we WB will the iho fugua angly also the government will be on his neck for back taxes it will be news to the government it any graduate of fresno state over ever made more than 10 gs per annum dut but the the Harv ards and the Ne braskas have been pretty well lined up by our author mr john R tunis in private ufa life a tennis player mr tunis has some inter esting data tp to show tor for the work lie he has done clone ile he reports for example that in 1933 1033 the year the giants knocked crowder out of the box the members of the class of 1911 at harvard were earning an average of apiece which according to figures of my own compilation pi pil lation atlon is exactly less than they would have made it they had gone to the bisbee institute of taxidermy and weasel stuffing instead of to harvard ten bicksl yet harvard Is a rich mans college entering catering to tho the sons of rich men I 1 will give you an idea ot of how rich it is tile the other day I 1 ran into a member ot of my own class at harvard mcgow and said to him by way of courteous greeting Alc mcgow Gow old sport sporting ing life can you spare ten bucks mcgow laughed scornfully ten backst he exclaimed 1 I dont happen to have ten bucks in my pocket at the moment but if you would only take a check I 1 would write you one tor for how much I 1 think ot of you old pal it if you would only take a 1 I will take a check I 1 told him generously teti ten backst continued mcdew who did not seem to catch my last remark chicken feed to me these days old pal I 1 would do much much more than that tor for you it you would only take a check im sorry you wont but theres a catch and mcgow strolled away fairly dripping prosperity ills his watch and chain alone must have cost the original owner something like seven hundred and thirty five smackers sm ackers but there Is a catch in the situation somewhere because mr tunis who knows the facts says that the average grad of 25 years ago is lucky if he can keep his wife in clothes and ills his babies in bourbon during the long hard winter something Is wrong either the class of 1011 1911 was not very bright as a class or else some vicious mean spirited dog Is holding down the average by not making any money at oil all this Is a dirty trick on alma mater and I 1 hope the culprit it there Is one will come some day to realize that he owes it its as a duty duly to old 11 to got get out there and make as quickly as possible there is still such a thing as college spirit I 1 trust or Is it dead what would the tha old coach say bayt it takes a school like princeton where patriot patriotism isid is a byword to inspire real loyalty in her sons while Harv ards ingrate class of 0 1911 1011 was amassing a paltry per capita in 1933 a group ot of clean cut starry eyed exalted young blades from princeton class of 21 to be specific mado made the ilia harvard men look like utter bo and rank quitters by piling up apiece more a certain Princeton fan told me he could have lifted the average even higher by selling another stock short dental schools neglected but I 1 thought our lead was big enough already he explained so I 1 let it go besides the man he was swindling was not a college man inspired by mr tunis survey I 1 decided to make a similar survey of rny my do loi lAist tiva a only anly denial dantal collego college graduate I 1 know skowhegan Skow hegan bicuspid 18 it struck me that dental schools had been sadly neglected and so had my teeth doctor I 1 said to him as man to man how much dough did you make in ili say 1932 1032 that was a big year said dr gurbel his face lighting up 1 I made that year I 1 remember b a r the amount very well because I 1 have three agents trying to collect it now and 1929 1920 fling at high finance A sweetheart yelped the loyal alumnus enthusiastically 1 I must have pulled down close to in 1929 and I 1 got some of it in cash too at least three or tour four and the rest of 0 it still owing beamed dr gurbel that was quite a year and who were your customers that year the tha very best people all col lega go men and their wives replied the good doctor six distinguished princeton families four fine yale families and a couple of 0 import important harvard families believe me their teeth were in terrible shape dr gubbels Gur bels testimony shows that it if the yale and harvard graduates I 1 played ball with their dentists in the matter ot of cash payment I 1 tor for services rendered an iconoclastic hypothesis I 1 admit their overage average incomes would be even lower than at present the samo same thing goes for princeton I 1 guess and maybe nebraska I 1 dont positively know how nebraska alumni feel about paying their dentists d c otist s but I 1 have heard some tales that would make your blood run cold harvard falls short right now I 1 am engaged in a preliminary ary survey ot of the graduates of american barber colleges one I 1 alumnus elite tonsorial lal 30 estimated that he earned a net of 1100 last year the harvard average is higher but as the old elite grad pointed out they dont show you a I 1 thing about facial massages at harvard they dont even teach you how to cut hair in fact said the old elite grad what the heu hell do they fench you up there your correspondent confused muttered something about professor kittredge edges edg c s english course and what does the schooling cost you persisted elite 30 your correspondent allowed it must come to something like five grand NI why VIly some of you guys must still be in the hole I 1 said elite 30 in frank astonishment a ston ishm C nt my education cost me thirty bucks in six instalments installments you picked a sucker racket pal 1 there is something in ili what elite 30 says I 1 will have to take it up in my next survey 0 bell syndicate lc |