Show JOKES I A ANDJOKEBS GOME OF THE FUN AND FUNMAKER5 OF BYGONE DAYS Treat Slosreces to Store Faders Jr nThb English Furnish Rather n Heivy Class ot Humor Inexhaustible Supply of Irish Bulls There is more real humor in a modern mod-ern clodhopper than in an ancient philosopher phi-losopher The joss that have comedown come-down tons from Greece are mostly poor stuff but college boys aro glad to get any comfort at all from root grubbing and therefore they laugh at Diogenes and Aristophanes It is said that the old cynic begged a tub to lire in and toted this about where ho liked and squatted under it when he pleased When Alexander called on him in this palatial residence he asked what he could do for him Get out of my Run light I said Diogenes That was tolerably tolera-bly good but uncivil Tho nasty old cnb with his tub could be duplicated by a thousand tramps in America any day and many of them are doubtless nastier and smarter Plato is said to have preached fatality When a rogue ran i against him with a beam and excused himsolf as fated to do it I Yes II said Plato HI see but I also am fated to beat yon for it and gavo tho fellow a good caning For sportiveness Horace was the most pleasing of the ancients but his verses are very amatory and some of them more suggestive than a French play Charles Lamb is worth 20 of him only that Horaco could bo a poet when he chose of a different sort Homers picture of Thersites is the oldest old-est burlesque that I remember A joke coming down from 1000 B C ought to be pretty good Will M Quad last us longEnglish English joking is generally heavy Here is one told by James Paya A witness wit-ness in a slander case swore that MissIles Miss-Iles was thrown over tho wall a dozen times What I said the judge Who was Miss Iles and why did they throw her over It was missiles cannot sec anything so very funny in Sydney Smiths wishing ho could on a certain i I hot day tako off his flesh and sit in his f bones But Hood and Charley Lamb area are-a brace that no one ought ever to be without I havo given np trying to keep a complete set of either They are borrowed bor-rowed and relished and I suppose read to pieces Hood was capital in every direction he turned whether pathos satire pun or pure joking His taking off of celebrated > cele-brated characters was as good as anything any-thing You should first read BoswellL John on and then read Hoods Johnsoniana Bnt does anybody read 3oswell nowadays Alas for onre famous fa-mous books I Hood says Jolinson wai once consulted by a lady as to the den de-n ee of turpitude and spanking due her boy for robbing au orchard Madam said the ponderous doctor It all hangs on tho weight of the boy 1 remember nay school fellow Davy Garrick who was a little fellow robbing a dozen orchards or-chards with impunity but the very first time I climbed an apple tree for I was always solid tho bough broke and it was called a judgment nn me I suppose sup-pose that is why justice is represented with a pair of tales Sheridan wak the best of jokers but half that is attributed to him is floating wit that needed a father It is probably true that ho asked his roistering but highborn crew ono night whether they should drink like beasts or like men Some ouosaid Men of course IInh > then cried Sheridan well get uw Eul drunk for beasts only drink what they need Irish wit is famous the world over Part of it consists in the brogue but it is rare that an Irishman has not surprises sur-prises of speech in which consists the wit of tho highest order Le Fanu in his bovuity Y ars of Irish Life has collected a great deal that is delicious A witness that was badgered by a lawyer law-yer was asked Youre a nico fellow now aint you Witness answered III am sir and if I wero not on oath sir Id say the some of yon Another witness was asked by a bullying counsel coun-sel > you had a pistol Ill had sir Who did yon intend to shoot I want inteudin to shoot no one So you got it for nothing No I didnt II Come come On your oath what did you get that pistol for For three and ninepence sin in Mr Rich ardsons shop Tho Irish bull is often better than any deliberate wit Sir Richard Steele illsi ted these bull were owing to the air of the country and sir he added add-ed Uif an Englishman was born here I dont doubt hed do the same In a debate on taxation an hish member of parliament insisted that Ia tax on leath cr would press heavily on the barefooted barefoot-ed peasantry II Sir Boyle Roche replied they could make the under leathers of wood The same Sir Boyle urged the union of England and Ireland so that the barren hills would become fertile valleys In another debate ho answered answer-ed Oil boldly answer in tho affirmative No Bo was author of Yon should refrain from throwing open the floodgates flood-gates of democracy lest you should pave the way for a general conflagration II Irishman delighted tion At a race an was lighted because ho was I first at last When they laughed he added Sure wasnt I behind before One day a friend of Bishop Brainstono approached him with the remark that he wanted a wife young rich and pretty and he wanted the bishop to pick her out for limo Tut tut said the bishop My nauio is Bramstone not Brimstone I I do not make matcheslE P Powell in St Louis Glo Democrat |