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Show 3 THE IMPERIAL A SEMLOCCASIONAL PAPER, Devoted to Cents, Scents, Sense and Nonsense. Deputy Asst. Eprror,... UBET HOO. URLIFE. One Copy for a certain period,...... $10.00 One Copy for an uncertain period... 5.00 eT ee as vn toma 9 se Double Number,..... Be gi 10 Se 5 For sale by all respectable Newsdealers everywhere. SALUTATORY. es We have got our type. so large that “a wayfaring man though a fool, need not err therein.’ You see there are a great many wayfaring men nowadays and some fools. Our City has grown; the New Move has groan, and hence the necessity. that our paper should grow. Standing as it were in the midst of time, and glancing retrospectively \ tf WHEREAS, upward JULY 1st. 1871, young shavers future generations, when many of our ep= hemeral, cotemporaneous productions shall 7ribwlation Office. -——). a grab at them few you get. Our ball players sometimes catch the ball ‘‘on a fly;” this.gives us some idea of their speed. Some flies are very intelligent, when you the mosquito acts as pick it guard, the bedday and the other by night. —S MELANCHOLLY DISAPPOINTMENT. We did anticipate having quite a time on the 4th, from the magnitude of the preparations, but one of the brethren of the New Move notifies the ‘public through the columns of the Tycoon that ¢f the celebration ts held én the New Taber- virtuous couch, and the bed-bug takes hold where he left off. Herein we see the beauty and harmony of nature, (for the mosquito is quite musical.) Some flies are like our honest miners, very busy and industrious —others, again, are continually loafing around, and trying to make a spec. Al- yaost any one with a little instruction make the butler fly. We suppose can the horse-fly is so named because of his fondness for short-tailed horses. ‘“Shoe-fly, don’t bodder me.” Stay S50 5E For myriads of horses and riders ! the only building large enough to hold all the celebrators on that day, of course it falls As this is And acres of music and fain !! Go visit the Mammoth Pavillion!!! And see how the tournament’s won! through. Rae With a sound like the rushing of wa nacle he shall. stay at home, In in the Tabernacle, the fiy is on the alert, and when night comes the fly retires to his be ‘free,’ gratis, for nothing without charging ascent. . We all feel relieved as many of us feared, they would spread a large cloth over the City and prevent us looking at it. | ‘““T’ was ever thus, since childhood’s hour, This chilling fate has on me fell; There always comes a soaking shower, When I haint got no umberel.”” hs the tithing’? and what has Jones done with FLIZE. ates by The Circus bills inform us, in large letters, that the sight of the Balloon will we have done before; We want you all-to join with us, _ Lestwe should run ashore, cathy ~——— order to keep bald-headed:’ sinners awake FREE. We’ll change our platformif you wish, As Come ‘‘Riff-Raff,” from Nevada, come, | ing any or all of said boys or shavers from And help us hate the Church; firing off, or causing to be fired off, any or this is all we yet can do, all of said squibs, fire-crackers, sky-rock- | AsDon’t leave us in the lurch ! ets, et al., whether instigated by said devil or any other man; or from celebrating or “WHO PAYS THE FIFER?” attempting to celebrate ,in any manner whatsoever, the said 4th of July. Thats whats ‘the matter the *‘Ziberal’’ Witnessmy hand and the Great organ wants to know who is to pay the Seal of the Menagerie. party for its patriotism on the coming ourth, ‘*We want more capitalists—more GOMERIL SIR CHARLES MOORE. money—what is done with, the taxes and bug and the fly spell each other, one oper- Sa Of concentrated lye. : each perusing a damp..copy of the Aeepa— — Nothing to which to tie; — Except our most unbounded stock Now, therefore, I, Gomeril Sir Charles | Moore, do hereby issue this my proclama- | ‘tion, forbidding; interdicting and prohibit- | stick a pin into one he immediately struggels to get off—we suppose because he cannot ‘‘see the point.’’ They also co-operate with the bed-bug and mosquito. While ‘Yah, dat iz zo,” MOVE. We’ve nothing good to offer you, ensions, to the imminent disarrangement of the intellectual equilibrium of the editorial have been consigned to a merited oblivion, we behold the teeming millions of earth’s unborn children, and their posterity after them, in numbers like the stars of the firmament, and faces radiant with joy, pitchinin. NEW _With voice so thin and hollow, Tis said has sunk ten thousand now, It may expire to-morrow. crackers, sky-rockets et al, of divers dim- which has for unnumbered ages pervaded There are various kinds of flies in the the minds of the benighted denizens of world, for instance, there is the horse-fly, this terraqueous globe—what wonder that, gad-fly, shoe-fly and the ordinary domesin their incipient stages, our herculean ef- ticated’ fly; of the latter we have a few forts to illuminate the intellectual horizon specimens in this country. Most of these of frail, erring humanity, should attain stand over stz feet in their stockings, and but partial success ! might grow much larger if people would W hat was our position when we assumed only take pains to give them regular meals the editorial conduct of this paper? What of nutricious food, instead of knocking is our position to-day? Judging the future them about so much. The ancients also by the past, what may we not anticipate speak of ‘time flies,”? they used) to call for ourselves and a discriminating world. them tempus fugit. We suppose the name. Standing on the verge of the mighty fugit originate® in the fact that if you abyss of futurity,and,glancing our minds TO THE Our Tribulation, weakly still, pense and aforethought, fired and caused to be fired, various squibs and sundry fire- through the gloomy centuries of the sombre past, beholding the cimmerian obscurity eye down through the interminable vista of = Our Magazine got stuck, Our ‘Close O’? Day”. Diagonies Has also “run a muck.” being instigated by the devil, and not having the fear of the late Governor’s proclamation before their eyes, have, villain- corpse of the ee OWED EDICT OFFICE, certain ef Our ‘Peep O'Day’ it petered out, ously and maliciously, with malice, pre- Dep’y ASst’s. CLERK»... B. I. Z. NESS. Biel N PROCLAMATION !! KERPAPITCHINEN : PRINCIPAL EDITOR, : . 0000555: UNO ey The steed of Mazeppa will fly; =3* © While the monster Balloon of the @ircus, Floats grandly aloft to the sky !!!! his money? We want it and wont rest until something is done about it? =” . What. does General Grant do with $25.000 a-year of the peoples money? A man could be hired to fill that position for a tenth of that sum. Why not hire a chinaman or a digger Indian. We want this matter investigated immediately. a eee Since the ‘premature demise of the **Peep,’’ the ‘‘Magazine”’ and the ‘*Dieagonies,’ the man in the Sixth Ward who takes the ‘‘Tribune’’ feels discouraged, he wishes us to tell him how he is to recover damages for the losses he has sustained in subscribing for those three litterairy productions which have so co-incidently gone up. We would say to him, don’t abandon the ‘“Tribune,’”? for we have hopes of it surviving a little longer, since it has taken to copying from the ‘‘News’’ and the ‘*Herald.” es _— SS ee ie Dwyer says he ‘‘has been bothered and plagued and exercised and irritated and annoyed and disquieted by persons inguir- ing for the ‘‘Keepapitchinin,’”’? Some think yourdiscontinuance has killed ‘‘Diogenes,”’ they say, ‘‘as long as you published something original for them to copy they survived, but when you stopped they fiz- Zled out. Why is it you don’t continue the ’Pitchinin? 4 If you remember the last cut you. had, (the bat\they continued to copy oyer and over again, until the people got tired of it when ‘‘Diogenes”’ gradually petered out. Br. Dwyer, we might answer you by quoting one of our Methodist friends, at the Camp Meeting. ‘‘It’s a free country, —you have no right to think,’ but we shall not. do so. We began our paper, because we wanted to, and we published a full volume because we agreed to. We pocketed the surplus dollars of the only successful religious paper, west of Chicago, because we had a right to, and we stopped at the end of the volume because we had other matters to attend to. We hope that this paper will enable the editors of ‘‘Diogenes”? to get out another number of that delectable sheet, so that the subscribers who have paid two or three years in ad vance will not lose quite all of their investmens. |
