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Show The Garfield County Insider January 14, 2010 mEverylCounts Toxic Behavior? Take WStand E.7 Well, I sent this struggling young woman, Stephanie*, a gift card for Christmas and her older sister, Tiffany*, who I don't know very well, a coat. But Tiffany didn't feel that Stephanie was deserving of the gift card so she stole it and then justified why she needed it more than her sister. I was dumbfounded. Someone actually stole a Christmas gift? I mean, I've heard media reports of people stealing not only Christmas gifts, but wedding ones' too. I, personally, though, had never experienced this before. Yet, this situation got me thinking about what sometimes can occur in an individual. What would push someone over the edge to steal a Christmas gift let alone steal all together? One of my goals is to someday be filthy rich. Filthy rich to help those without. And of course anonymously. And maybe with some I will teach them to fish instead of giving them a fish. Kind of how it's done in the movie "The Ultimate Gift" (if you haven't seen this movie yet, rent it. It's worth it and will give you a different take on how to provide monetarily to someone by teaching them how to fish). But, until then, I will give gifts that don't even cost. Frankly, to me, these are the best gifts and I pray that I will always be able to give them. In the meantime, if you are a toxic person, here are some questions to consider: Why do you stab people in the back? Or gang up on others? Why do you continue with behavior even though you know it's not right? What are your motives? Are you asking before you think, say or do, "Is this good or useful?" Would your mother or God be proud of your behavior? Does toxic behavior bring you happiness? I recently spoke with one young mother who is experiencing horrific toxic behavior from her immediate and extended family members. To the point where they've all actually ganged up on her. So, even though it hurts and is hard, she is learning to distance herself from these family members even if they say things like, "Are you better than us?" or "Is this your idea of family?" and other hurtful comments. She lays low, prays for and loves them anyway, and hopes for the best. She's decided that she will no longer allow their toxic behavior to influence her own new little family unit so she's taking a stand and breaking a cycle of abuse even if that means distancing herself by not answering abusive and threatening emails, texts and voice messages. After all, sometimes no response is the best response. I also spoke to Mary*, the mother of Tiffany, who stole the gift card. Mary's a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, but who was literally physically sick that Tiffany had done this to her other daughter Stephanie. Furthermore, Mary shared with me how Tiffany also manipulates her and uses her own children as leverage to see their grandmother. She also calls Mary a drunk and drug addict even though Mary's turning her life around. Tim Field of Bully Online of the UK National Bullying Advice Line said, "Nothing can prepare you for living or working with a sociopathic serial bully. It is the most devastating, draining, misunderstood, and ultimately futile experience imaginable." Look, if you live or work in a toxic environment here are a few things you can do. Know that no one deserves abuse, no matter what. Whether that's physical, emotional, verbal or mental. Know that you matter. You count. You are important. And you have purpose. There are also people that want to help you and peo- the lAuGhiNg pOiNt!! Last Day of Skiing ple who love you. You may have to search for them, but they are there. Gravitate to those whose presence you feel good in. Gravitate to those who are safe. Gravitate to those with good intentions. Gravitate to those with integrity. Toxic behavior isn't immune from workplaces and schools either. Sometimes it's displayed through bosses and or employees. Sometimes it's through teachers, coaches and or students. Often times, but not always, toxic behavior is learned in the home and then carried out into the world. Field also tells us, "... It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer," and, "The challenge of being a manager is to get the best out of everybody, not just the few who are clones of yourself." Field's words also apply to running a household, leading a school, classroom, and any kind of team or organization. If you display toxic behavior, please stop. It is never too late. And if you are exposed to toxic behavior in your family, the workplace, school, on a team or in an organization, again, tell someone safe. Doing so may save not only your life and sanity, but perhaps another or two who are experiencing the same thing, but were thinking, "It's my fault," or "I deserve this," or even, "I'm making this up." British Prime Minister and novelist, Benjamin Disraeli said, "Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke." Which one will you be? *Names have been changed. For information on coaching, consulting, speaking or training contact: Cynthia Kimball Humphreys, Vice President, Everyl Counts, LLC, P.O. Box 574, Hatch, UT 84735. Ph: 435.632.1489, Fax: 435.735.4222 or Email: kimball@everylcounts.net. Website: www. every 1 counts.net . Connect with EverylCounts on Face book, Twitter, Plaxo, Linkedln, and Echo Loops. © 2010 EverylCounts, LLC. All rights reserved Greens Keeper On the first day of cacation, the girl fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, "Why couldn't this have happened on I was golfing with a solmy last day of skiing?" dier who had just returned The doctor replied, "This IS your last day of from Afghanistan. His skiing." plans included becoming a greens keeper once he was discharged in a few months. I got stuck in a traffic jam while commuting into Los He applied to a local colAngeles one day. The woman in the SUV in front of me lege for its golf course sutook full advantage of the slowdown. She whipped out her perintendent program, but eyebrow pencil, lip gloss and a mirror, applying the finthe department chair worishing touches on her face in the ten minutes it took us to ried that he might not be up creep through the Cahuenga Pass. Finally, the traffic broke for the job. "It's stressful," up and as she zoomed away, I caught a glimpse of her vehe said. "You have to fight hicle's license plate: NTRL BTY. the weather, insects and demanding club members." "Will anyone be shootI am a reservations clerk Our co-worker kept tryfor a commercial airline. A ing to get her mother to fly ing at me while I mow the woman phoned one of my out for a visit. "No way am grass?" asked the soldier. "Of course not." co-workers to ask if a par- I getting on an airplane," "I'll take the job." ticular flight had departed. was the inevitable answer. While my friend was check"Look, Mom, when it's ing the information, the of- your time to go, it doesn't fice cleaning staff turned on matter if you're on the a vacuum cleaner behind ground or in the air." her. "I know," said her moth"Never mind," the worn- er. "I just don't want to be an said. "I just heard it take that far off the ground when off," and she hung up. it's the pilot's time to go." Natural Beauty Flight Info Complete Auto Service & Repair SAFETY INSPECTIONS 475 East Center St. • Panguitch, Utah 435-676-8994 It Makes Sense...By Veda Hale See this is what I mean. Who the heck do you believe. A few columns ago I was asking you to wonder with me about the dangers of cell phone use. I thought then that a moderate amount and a few precautions, like keeping the phone some inches from ear and not carrying it near body, would be enough. Now look here.... this is recent research: WEDNESDAY, Jan. 6 (HealthDay News) -- Cell phone addicts of the world, listen up: Electromagnetic waves emanating from these ubiquitous gadgets may prevent or even reverse Alzheimer's disease, researchers say. Normal mice who had long-term exposure to such DISCOVER THE JOYS OF GENEALOGY BY ATTENDING THE NATIONAL GENEALOGICAL SOCIETY FAMILY HISTORY CONFERENCE Erin Wood (registration@ ngsgenealogy.org) or call (800) 473-0060. pott 0 In 2 TO PLAY: COMPLETE THE GRID 50 THAT EVERY ROW. EVERY COLUMN AND EVERY 3X3 BOX CONTAINS TH E DIGITS 1 TO 9 1 6 N 8 7 9 3 6 2 Iro 7 1 7 2 4 6 8 7 4 9 7 1:\ of genealogy 28 April-1 May 2010 in Salt Lake City, Utah, at the 2010 National Genealogical Society Annual Family History Conference, "Follow Your Ancestral Trail." Whether your family helped settle the nation, migrated across the country, stayed in the same place, or recently arrived in America, this conference has much to offer you. The searchable conference program is available at members.www. ngsgenealogy.org/ conference s/201 OProgram. cfm. Highlights include International Workshops on researching the cultural records of other countries; an Evening Celebration of Family History, including a mini-concert by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir; and Ask an Expert, a twentyminute consultation sponsored by the Utah Genealogical Association. For more information contact ::."1 Are you interested in genealogy, yet have never attended a national conference? View a short video from the 2009 National Genealogical Society Family History Conference at http ://www.ng s genealogy. org under the Video and Publications tab. Hear from enthusiastic conference participants who explain why they attend: more than one hundred fifty lectures on a wide variety of topics, an exciting exhibit area, and sharing research challenges and success stories with new friends. If you are just beginning to research your family, an annual conference is a very effective way to build your research skills. If you are an experienced researcher, you will enjoy hearing the experts explain how they apply advanced methodology to solve tough research problems. Participate in the joys Time to Go 2 5 7 electromagnetic waves avoided developing Alzheimer's, while mice who were already sick started getting better, scientists report in the Jan. 6 issue of the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease. The findings were actually the opposite of what the researchers were expecting. So there you go. Truth is hard to come by. Time is often the deciding factor, like with smoking. It took a long time to have a "definite" word put by "harm". I sure don't want alzheimer's disease, so I will be watching this development. We have just upgraded TV reception and I am amazed at what is offered of quality. I could watch all day and feel educated and gainfully entertained. Then I think of how easy it is to stay in touch with people I care about. What a good time in which to live! I expect that evolution is in progress, that the next generation will be smarter than the last, and the world will be very different. Send suggestions to Veda Hale Box 956, Panguitch Ut. or email vedahale@yahoo.com SOLID GROWTH TODAY and TOMORROW Utah has weathered the economic storm better than most of the country and because of that we are poised to rebound quickly. Over the past decade, Utah has consistently been one of the top states for growth in business and proven to have tremendous economic vitality. The annual Governor's Utah Economic Summit will again set the foundation for the outlook and forecast for Utah in 2010 and beyond. Respected leaders from across the state will discuss the opportunities and threats to businesses across the state. The Utah economy is poised for renewed growth. Who should attend? The Governor's Economic Summit 2010 conference is a must for all professionals working in and supporting the Utah economy including: • Executives and leaders of Utah businesses • Investment Bankers • Legal Advisors • Commercial Bankers & Real Estate • City and State Government • Venture Capitalists • Professional Service Providers To register for the Summit, visit http://utahsummit.com/ register.php. |