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Show LIFE REBOOTS FROM B6 NICOLA PRITCHETT/UVU REVIEW Failure is an option if you follow these convenient steps. The sure-fire guide to failure at UVU By NICOLA PRITCHETT Life Writer Hollywood has always shown us that succeeding in school is for taped-glasses nerds and overzealous freshman. It's simple, being smart and successful just isn't cool anymore. To truly succeed, you'll first have to fail. After taking the time to interview the teachers, counselors and students of UVU, collecting the top ten tips and tricks for achieving poor grades. If you have any respect for your colligate social career, you'll put down those musty old textbooks right now and read up. What you may not know about failing a course is that it begins before you ever enter a classroom, during registration. 1 Register for classes that compete with your sleep schedule Are you a night owl? Easy, schedule your classes super early. Sure you'll be exhausted, but that makes it all the easier to sleep through class. UVU offers a wide variety of class times so it should be easy to find a class schedule that forces you to abandon your best hours of R.E.M., allowing you to sit through your classes half-dazed. Take more classes than you can possibly handle The more the merrier, right? UVU allows students to take a maximum of 18 credits per term. We suggest you match this, especially if you've got a part-time job or lots of time-consuming activities outside of school. The idea is that you're setting yourself up to fail by overwhelming yourself with an impossible workload. Now that you're registered, let's skip forward to the day before class... 3 School shopping? Don't bother Many teachers at UVU require a textbook and specific tools for their classes. They use these to expound on topics that cannot be covered during class and to help students better understand subject matter. I think you know where we're going with this... don't buy the books. Textbooks are expensive, save the money! Buy some French fries or go see the latest Transformers or something. If you really want to fail, we suggest going to class sans school supplies. 4 Have you heard the expression, "I'll sleep when I'm dead?" Well we have, and we like it, but we offer a slightly different mantra for UVU students: "I'll sleep while I'm in class." We all know college was made for partying, so carpe diem and stay up all night, every night. There is no better way to tune out a boring lecture than by being unconscious through it. Okay, you've arrived in class drowsy and already staggering under the load of homework you've received from your over-stretched school schedule, now what? 5 Distract yourself at all costs Like it or not, the longer you listen to your teacher the more information your brain stores from their lecture. Use your laptop to check Facebook, play Tiny Wings, or engage in a classic "daydream and doodle" combo. 6 • Do not, for any reason, ask questions Confused about something? Good, you've been taking the right steps. Raising your hand for the opportunity to shout, "That's what she said" in an attempt to impress the pretty brunette two rows from you is, however, encouraged. It's totally weird, but some teachers will actually give you a grade for participation, so be sure that you shirk any opportunities to chime in on discussion topics or to be helpful to the hard-working kids you got stuck with for a group project. We encourage you to slouch, sit near the back of the room, and send a good eye-roll at anyone who offers you help. 7 Don't write down anything If you have to flip open your notebook, please don't write down anything the teacher is saying, especially if it involves due-dates or testing tips. Avoid nicely structured note taking that outlines lectures by subject and involves titles like "important topics" and "things to remember." Forget about homework planners too. Stick to creating a flipbook in the corner of your sticky-notes or writing your boyfriend's name hundreds of times in cursive. 8 Don't go This is probably our most valuable piece of advice. UVU staff and students agree that the all-time number one way to fail a class is to skip it entirely. As our own Dr. Nichols explains, it's as simple as, "Just don't come to class." Poor attendance guarantees that you'll completely miss out on any learning that could possibly take place. In fact, you don't even have to miss every class. Many teachers factor attendance into your grade, so besides missing the lectures you'll also loose points by missing role-call. If done properly, these tips have allowed you to catch up on some sleep during class and ensured that you remember nothing from your lectures. But what do you do with your large stack of assignments? 9 Procrastinate, then cram Hail back to every student's favorite past-time, procrastination. If there's one college tradition that we endorse, it's cramming. Your parents did it, you grandparents probably even did it, and now it's your turn to plan poorly and stay up until four a.m., studying for a test last minute or writing that paper that you've known about for months. 10 Do nothing It may be a no-brainer, but the best way to fail a class, after lack of attendance is to do no work at all! Paper airplane those papers and go have fun! All in all, your task won't be an easy one. Between UVU's highly qualified teaching staff and wide range of student success services, it's no easy task to fail completely. But we can assure you that if you follow these guidelines completely you'll be a failure in no time at all. cheesy about this Batman. He was once again dark, tortured. He was the hero with a haunted past. Then kick it up a notch with The Dark Knight in 2008. That was the Batman movie we all deserved. It got at the heart of what Batman means: a lonely vigilante who must face off against truly evil, chaotic villains. Get rid of the cheese and give us something real. Next, redefine the main character to make it new. Remember the James Bonds of yesteryear? I'm not talking about Sean Connery, who is, in my humble opinion, the god of James Bond. I'm talking about Pierce Brosnan, or, as I like to call him, Pretty-Boy Bond. The guy was so country club that in a fight, it was amazing he didn't get his trash kicked. Then, in 2006, we got a new Bond in the form of Daniel Craig in "Casino Royale". There was a lot of hype about the decision to choose Craig. A blonde Bond? It's almost sacrilege. But Craig redefined Bond. He was still a lady's man, no doubt, but he was a more rugged, tough Bond, a more "real" Bond. When asked if he'd like his vodka martini shaken or stirred, he replied with, "Do I look like I give a damn?" This Bond wasn't raised in the country club. He was there with a license to kill and he was going to use it. The last example, and what I believe is the most important, comes from 2009's "Star Trek." Before this film, Star Trek had been done to death. There were 10 films, six with the original cast and four with the Next Generation cast. Needless to say, there was a dedicated fan base to please. But not only did Star Trek delight die-hard fans with clever, subtle references to the previous franchise, such as finding out how "Bones" got his nickname or Scotty losing Admiral Archer's beagle, but also packed in enough action and story to draw in a new crowd. When I went to see Star Trek, I saw it with my mother who, like me, is a true Trekker, and my brother, who couldn't care less about the franchise. We all walked out of the movie theater delighted. "Star Trek" paid enough tribute to the old to please old fans while still drawing in a new audience. Whether we like it or not, reboots are here to stay. Like most sequels, not all of them are going to be worth our time. But if Hollywood would remember these three examples and follow their standards, we will have many more fun films to look forward to. UVU Review Life Section is on Twitter! Follow all the latest updates from the life section.i i 01 @UVULife t ,....„ A |