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Show Monday Love sextion February 9, 2009 Embrace your inner killjoy How to Transition elationships are tricky. The ups and downs are expected and sometimes relationships move into different stages. Taking the plunge requires a transition period, as does the ending of a long-term relationship. Jennie Nicholls takes you through the process of change from being single to getting engaged and Dave Iba recounts the steps to reviving yourself in case your marriage turns sour... I How to make the holiday interesting ,. MEL SUNDQUIST Life editor I am getting married tant issues, such as making in May to my high-school sure that friend time is still a sweetheart, four years and priority for the both of you. running, but it hasn't always Balance your time to ensure been roses. It is normal to a smooth engagement. fight a lot once the ring is on Keep it light. Remember your finger; there are plenty the days of making out and of pressures on you to plan just having fun just enjoying that wedding and to prepare each other's company? You for your blessed marriage. know, the things that made Here are some things to help you fall in love in the first you adjust from the single place? Keep those things life to the world of being en- close so you don't forget gaged. why you chose to marry your Balance is the'first and fiance'. foremost factor of your sucGive single life a big wave cess as an engaged couple. "goodbye. Cut out the flirting, You must be able to tell your the Facebook stalking of that friends "no** whenthey want hot guy or girl and get real. to go dancing at Club Sound You are taken, for real. So that Friday night when it is keep your eyes on the prize yourfiance''s niece' s birthday and that is your fiance'. The party. But also be careful to road to a happy engagement stand your ground on impor- begins with monogamy. Unrequited or otherwise, we victims of love are much maligned. For malcontents and those who prefer doing more than sitting at home complaining about being single, here are some ideas to find contentment on a day when lovers remind us that we don't have it. With a bar of Dove or Lever soap, go to the parking lot of a typical date-night restaurant (such as Olive Garden) and draw dirty pictures on car windshields. Order a life-size doll, give it a name, and take it around to work, in the car, and out to dinner. Talk to it and kiss it every time you're both in public. People love getting flowers, but occasionally they get uncomfortable with all the attention instead of relishing it. If someone at work or in class gets some flowers, glare at them. Throw in some inaudible mumbling or pretend you're deathly allergic. See who blinks first. There are dozens of free anonymous texting services online, which allow you to send bulk text messages to as many people as you'd like; Copy your entire phone book, and send a sincere break-up message. Try this: "I think it's about time we ended this. The holiday has me thinking, and it's just not working. Sorry." Approach an arbitrarily chosen couple you see in the hall, march up to the one of the same sex as you, and say: "Hey honey, you never called me back. Who is this? Are...Why didn't you tell me? I gave you a great night! It was my first time! How could you!? I hope you make each other happy! You...you make me sick!!!" Walk away, face in palms and making loud, wailing noises. If you're near a couple while eating lunch, close your eyes and make loud orgasmic noises each time you bite into your food. Shoulder/groin movement optional. Call a randomly chosen household, and say this: "Is Mr., um, I'm sorry, I can't quite make this out. Who's the man of the household? That's right, Mr. (say name here). Well I have his results from the clinic. Can you tell him that the test came out positive? He needs to make an appointment for the antibiotic creme. Thank you!" DAVE IBA Photo editor JENNIE NICHOLLS Editor-at-large When the word divorce comes up, a big smile comes across my face. Here's why: Freedom- You get your life back! You can do whatever you want, come home whenever you want and spend your money on stupid stuff again. You don't have to worry about saving money for a house. Now you can buy back your Xbox from the pawn shop and trade that ring in for a Harley Davidson. Instant sympathy- If you tell someone that you got divorced, they automatically feel sorry for you. After a divorce, you don't get ques- Get pretty fast How to prepare for a last-minute date MATTHEW JONASSAINT Assistant Life editor tions like, "When are you going to get married?" If I do, I just politely say with a frown, "I did... but it was only for a little while." Nine times out of ten you will get a sympathy make-out for a comment like that. Not curious about sex anymore- Lets be honest, most of Provo/ Orem gets married because they can't wait to have sex. This is why getting married for a short time is so great! Plus, if you want to start rebelling just a little and get a tattoo or something. People will just say, "Oh, he'll get over it soon. He just went though a hard time." he MEL SUNDQUIST Life editor It's probably happened to you before, after a long day at school and/or work, you get home to realize that you only have ten minutes to prepare for that big date. Panic sets in, logic takes a back seat, and you're insecure for the rest of the night. Here's how to get pretty for a date without the hysteria. 1 2 Prioritize. Remember that not every date matters. There are those boys who you know you don't have a future with, but they're nice enough to spend a couple nights a week around. Don't put too much work into those fillerdates. Think of them as practice for the dates that really matter. Predict. Keep in mind your activities for the night. If you'll be spending most of your time in the dark - night-snowshoeing or in a movie theater, don't worry too much about the details, because they will go unnoticed. Consider all of the planned or possible activities, and primp accordingly. Also, take into consideration how far you're willing to go with this guy. It's not necessary to shave your entire legs for every date, and you can skip the floss if you're not planning on a kiss. is a mistake. Bar yourself from the computer and television, and only have music going on in the background that won't tempt you to sing and dance. Remember, you're on a deadline and you don't have time to check your Facebook. Multitask. Brush your teeth in the shower, practice being charming while putting on tights, or straighten your hair while considering accessories. However, try to keep your tasks down to two at a time. Most likely, if you try to accomplish more than two things at once, you'll do a shoddy job. Get comfortable. If your date is at the door and you're not as ready as you'd like to be, it's time to accept your current state and have fun despite that uneven eyeliner. He'll only notice if you're obviously insecure about it. 4 5 L. J She's not upset I'm not upset! I don't want you to think I'm upset. She wants a threesome. Do you think that girl is attractive? Do you think I'm more attractive than her? She wants me to do all of the dishes. Would you like to help I don't really want you to me with the dishes? help. I just want you to want to help. She's just curious. What were you up to last night? She finds me sexy in the blue shirt. : You should wear the , I'd be embarrassed to blue shirt instead. be seen with you in that. She needs to complain. We need to talk. I'm worried, angry and/or sad. She thinks I'm fat. Turn off the lights, baby. I don't want you t think I'm fat. I need to try harder. Sorry, I'm tired. Let's just cuddle. Do you like kids?' Do you want to have kids? That's fine - tell all your guy friends I say I hate your friends, -She wants my babies. Stay focused. After a few years, fixing your hair and makeup just gets boring. It's easy to get sidetracked, but this What's more important to you than I am? Does she want to get with my friends? hi. , . |