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Show A&EDiversions Page 6 SUMMER JOBS MAY - AUGUST CONTACT TEAM LEADER PARKER FOLKMAN 208-221-7578 PARKERFOLKMAN@GMAIL.COM I : . CLARK vm.PEST CONTROL Err WARM ALOE L I AM GULPS AK I RA MESON ES P A P P ELO I TORN Elo a_Clcccc Do CiE1121121 El 0 1z 1 — 101= 1 , 10 1 10 10 10 Mlw I —. 10 1-c 1 2 1 1 0 10 1z . Elo l3o I 0-1= 1— I co ■ co l olz1 0I ILol cc• a-ILL.Iz I I —. 10 10- M0 I >- I —. • I co I1— Icc Ico Mco I —. I— lw I 13121021 Vo I co 1 0 1 10 1 -1 01-c I—Mco I—10-I 1- 1.-Icc1- 1° 1 . M coILoI E11211312 Ico ILo l co 12E1E1 l< lc° I Answers To Today's Crossword Puzzle! 0 red sweater boy, why are you so elusive? So mysterious? Why do you always wear a red sweater? Readers, have you ever decided to ensnare someone on sight? For example, you are at church and a gentleman wearing a red sweater catches your eye, and you decide then and there, with the determination of a Grand Canyon pack mule, that you both will become the greatest of acquaintances? You do not know how this will happen, you do not know why this will happen, but you do know that it will certainly happen, so long as your AM -< I co I < I-< 10 1 *BAKERSFIELD, CA *LANCASTER, CA *VISALIA, CA *FRESNO, CA *SANTA CLARITA, CA An ode to the red sweater boy •• CLARK PEST CONTROL NOW HIRING FOR OUTSIDE SALES POSITIONS IN: Friday, April 16, 2010 A IDE SKED HORS T I TARN ER I E ROSY AN R I LEY I NURN POBOY Concealed Weapon Class When: Saturday, April 17th Time : 8:00 a.m. to noon Place: Ag. Science Building Room 202 Cost: $35 Instructor: Bill Hendrickson RSVP by e-mail: jedediah.bigelow@aggiemaiLusu.edu Feel free to ask any questions! name is Melissa K. Condie. 0 red sweater boy, why are you so enigmatic? So puzzling? So appealing? Readers, at the beginning of the semester I decided that I would get him. Get red sweater boy so fast he would not know what had gotten him. But this task, easy as it sounds, has not been so easy. Not one eensy-weensy bit. First of all, every time I have tried to talk to him after church, it has not happened. Reason? During the middle of each sacrament meeting he attends, he ups and leaves. 0 red sweater boy, why are you always on the run? Do you have a urinary tract infection? Restless leg syndrome? Do you have a job with exquisitely bizarre hours? Readers, one Sunday I was able to seize an opportunity. Truly. Before our church meeting started, I walked straightway into his presence. I knew it might be my only chance. We glided through a conversation initiated by a successful teaser creatively contrived on my part due to desperate demand. I learned his first name. I learned his hometown. Best of all, he remembered that I had given a talk and was from Texas. My talk had occurred weeks ear- lier, but, readers, he actually remembered who I was, giving me gallons of grand glee. Sadly, church started, we parted ways, and, as tradition would have it, he booked it right in the middle of the service. 0 red sweater boy, what is your surname, so that I may Facebook stalk you? Why have I not seen you since our brief meeting? Why are you not in the ward directory? Do you remember who I am? Readers, he has not been seen by my eyes since that fateful day. He has been missing in action for the past monthful of Sundays. But get this: Last Sunday, when I took a turn at missing one, he appeared. At least four people told me about it. Rubbed it in. Red sweater and all. (My pursuit has in no way been covert.) 0 red sweater boy, are my inclinations fleeting? Are they but false infatuations? Are they only houses built upon sand? Are they crashing forms of foamy waves? Readers, he pulled a sly, fly move on my friend last Sunday; the Sunday I was removed elsewhere. He tapped her on the shoulder, complimented her eyes, and, characteristically, withdrew from the premise. A classic hit and run. O red sweater boy, how dare you leave without further explanation, clarification and elaboration. Readers, I do not even know what red sweater boy looks like anymore. His appearance is a willowed wisp in my memory. All I can see in my periphery is a looming, red sweater being worn by an invisibly attractive man. What is inside the red sweater is what I do not know. It is what I seek. O red sweater boy, all semester long I have been trying to reach you, but you are unreachable. You are an ideal of impossibility. You are a culminating representation of unattainable possession, unsolvable mystery and unquenchable curiosity. Readers, the only way I can seem to cope with this situation is to vent my feelings through free verse in an embarrassingly public medium such as The Statesman, which, if you stop to think about it, is awfully and mortifyingly embarrassing. O red sweater boy, are you a student? Do you read my column? Are you a bandit like the Logan Lurker? Do you wander aimlessly in this world of woe or do you flail with purpose? Are you human or are you a dancer? Do you want me to destroy your red sweater by pulling a thread as I walk away? Readers, what am I to do? Well, here is what you are to do: incorporate the phrase "red sweater" into daily conversation. Starting today. Red sweater may define anything (or anybody) that is mercilessly and platonically aloof. Examples: That man is my red sweater. This is a red sweater predicament. My grad school application has gone red sweater. My future is red sweater. My life obsesses with red sweaters. Your situation sounds entirely red sweater to me. 0 red sweater boy, accept this ode as a token of my vague aspirations toward our nonexistent connection. May what you stand for live on in obscure USU student discourse as a result of this column, forever and ever. Amen. Melissa Condie is a senior majoring in music education. Comments can be left at aggietownsquare.com . Come Get your Concealed Weapon Permit!!! ASP Brought to you by USU College Republicans! Must be 21 or older and have no convicted felonies. r Hey Aggie s 1 I bring this coupon in and recieve: I I I $15 OFF any color or perm service! or $5 OFF TINA FEY AND STEVE CARELL STAR any mens, womens, or children's haircut with q0litotOe, I at K Salon & Spa 640 S 80 E Ste #130 1 Logan, Utah I 3ralL ON Call & make your I appointment today! I 435-753-8880: as a married couple running from trouble in "Date Night." Laughs fall short under weak script "Date Night," it would seem that this movie was given such a title in order to present itself as the answer to the awkward first-date movie conundrum for the typical college student. Can't decide what to watch? Hollywood solves that problem and presents a movie that will provide an enjoyable Friday night date and hopefully produce a kiss at the door. Sadly, the promise They have ARRIVAD! Over 50 Brand New Designs. , Come into 4nicie 4 to view the Newest Styles and fall in love! eMsrA --77Xe (5;10e6y - 930 North Main Street (435) 753-9755 of a good date perhaps this Jenny case movie snares of misGoodsell taken identity the eager innocent and, after is not worth seeing this parthe price they ticular flick, the are being kiss at the door asked to pay. is downgraded The most to a side hug. common eleGrade D+ "Date Night" ment medio"Date Night" starts off rather cre films have ordinarily with in common is the introduction of Claire and a bad script, and "Date Night" Phil Foster (Tina Fey and Steve keeps the trend going. While Carell), a typical married cou- it did have a few lines that ple who find themselves in a caused a wave of laughter in mid-life slump. The romance the theater, they are few and and excitement of newly mar- far between. The majority of ried life has long worn off the dialogue is predictable, and been replaced by the cheap and misplaced, comroutine of full-time jobs and ing from two comedians that taking care of their two kids. are much funnier than the Desperate to breathe new life script gives them credit for. In into the once-passionate rela- fact, there's a suspicion that tionship, Phil decides to take the one-liners that cause the Claire into the city for a date audience to laugh were, in night she won't forget. Once fact, created on the spot by there, they head to a new, hip the actors themselves. It's no restaurant but are unable to secret that Fey and Carell are procure a table due to their gifted comedians, but they lack of a reservation. Refusing shouldn't be expected to to admit defeat, Phil notices constantly recreate the jokes there is a reservation for a Mr. within the script to make Triplehorn not being claimed them more entertaining; that and boldly decides to take it is what the screenwriter is for him and his wife. But as for. In this case, it wasn't the the situation takes a danger- actors who were lazy and ous turn involving some dan- making everyone do the work gerous men looking for Mr. for them; it was the script. Talk and Mrs. Triplehorn, Phil and about a prima donna. Claire quickly discover that The biggest problem with Reel Reviews AireWitg "Date Night" is the story as a whole. Movies are never going to be 100 percent realistic, but the audience doesn't want to feel as though their intelligence is being insulted. The twists in the story are incredibly far-fetched, which contributes to it winning the "Trying So Hard It's Almost Uncomfortable" award. "Date Night" is forgettable. It doesn't leave a lasting impression and will probably wind up collecting dust in the entertainment center after it's fished out of the discount bin at the grocery store. And this is disappointing because the audience wanted this movie and the actors within it to succeed, not fail. "Date Night" had the potential to be a very funny movie but, unfortunately, it didn't feel up to the task. The length of the film is only one hour and 28 minutes, but, like a bad date, it has a tendency to make time drag. While there is no accurate way of predicting whether a Friday night date is going to be worth your time, there is luckily such a tool for a movie. That being said, the outlook for "Date Night" is looking worrisome, and it is recommended to the reader that on this upcoming Friday, keep it a night in. - jen.goods@gmail.com |