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Show & i"% s5tatesman@aggiemaiLusu;eduL ditdr@statesmaji.usu.edu ill I, 2009 Page-1 r; AboutVs OurView Editor in Chief Arie Kirk vr* Early retirement may Softer a rougher ride News Editor Rachel A. Christensen Assistant News Editor Greg Boyles Features Editor Courtnie Packer r ell, according to the numbers, the Voluntary Separation Incentive Program was a roaring success. ' The program, which gave faculty nearing retirement the opportunity to be bought out of their last few years, received so many applications that 13-percent had to be declined. ' At the surface, this seems like a great program, and a win-win situation for everyone. The university saves money, students might be able to enjoy a class without that notoriously cranky teacher who qualified and is now basking in the Alaskan sunset on a fishing boat, able to spend time doing what he or she wants a few years ahead of schedule. With the budget crisis at the center of seemingly every issue on campus today, this is a great way to streamline things and have the full cooperation of those who are leaving. Their salaries are higher than new professors and faculty because they've been around long enough to see raises and bonuses. They've all had a good run. And because of this program, fewer people have had to be fired which, obviously, is a good thing. However, around that silver cloud is a very gray lining indeed. 'Yes, newer, younger faculty are cheaper, and tend to have more enthusiasm because tne bureaucracy of academia has not yet worn them down. But what they lack is the wisdom and experience of their older counterparts. ; This is a problem sweeping the nation a^ the economic ^pe5;,contjnue and.pl^r members of companies and schools are asked to step down. The people replacing them might be equally or perhaps even better educated, but they are generally fresh into their respective businesses and have a limited perspective due to their limited time in the field. In the past, entry-level professionals in every discipline have had the opportunity to draw upon the expertise of their older fellows. < But now, with the wide-spread loss of the experienced generation to an early Florida home, this mentoring process has been virtually lost. Sure, there might be one old-timer or two who did not opt to trade in the board room for Bingo, but he or she can't teach every newcomer the ins and outs of the business. Ultimately, this loss of experience, this "brain drain," will come back to hurt the companies and, in this case, students the most. A ship without experienced crew can still sail, but it might be a rougher ride than it should be. Assistant Features Editor Amanda Mears Sports Editor Tim Olsen Assistant Sports Editor Paul Kelley Copy Editor Lisa Christensen Founding a frazzled city ne eerily quiet morning as I poured my Lucky Charms into a bowl, I found that instead of scrumptious, frosted shapes and crispy, colored marshmallows, a waterfall of brown, crunchy spheres (aka Cocoa Puffs) fell with a flourishing heap into my bright blue bowl. I did a double take at the leprechaun decorating my breakfast box and the resulting dog food-ish cereal in my dish. Something was not right with this picture. I furrowed my eyebrows with strain as I tried to comprehend my seemingly, incomprehensible situation. In this whimsical existence we call life, a person ought to be able to rely on certain unimpeachable facts, such as the tried and true notion that Lucky Charms boxes contain Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs boxes contain Cocoa Puffs and never the twain shall meet. Yes, my dear hooligans, April Fools' pranks are best performed in the morning, right when a person has freshly woken up from a night of soggy March 31 slumber. It is a bizarre feeling to be tricked. A definite pride crusher. An annoyance of the highest caliber. Unless you are the one doing the tricking - then it is marvelous. I have never been one that is too successful at bearing false witness, so I live vicariously, and appreciatively, through the misleadings of others. I will share the best. 1. I had a friend in high school who removed his prosthetic legs and put them in our science teacher's closet. It produced one of the best screams I have ever heard in my life as she opened the door and ou might call it the Obama-Duncan-Gates-Rhee was attacked by a pair of plastic lower appendages. philosophy of education reform. 2. Last year my roomBill Gates, the Microsoft founder turned fullmate called up the mem-, time philanthropist, visited The Post last week to talk, bers of her string quartet among other things, about how to improve schools for and informed them that the nation's poorest children. That so many children in this country cannot live up to their potential because they are born in poverty and attend terrible schools is one of the nation's greatest scandals, as Gates pointed out in his recent Tetter from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. (Disclosure: Melinda Gates is on The Washington Post Co. board of directors.) "Only 71 percent of kids graduate from high school within four years, and for minorities the numbers are even worse — 58 percent for Hispanics and 55 percent for African Americans," he wrote. ''If the decline in childhood deaths (in developing countries) is one of the most positive statistics ever, these are some of the most negative." The foundation has spent about $4 billion seeking to improve high schools and promote college access since 2000, along the way gaining valuable experience on what does and doesn't work. Based on those lessons, Gates names two priorities: helping successful charter school organizations, such as KIPP, replicate as quickly as possible; and improving teacher effectiveness at every other school. , In both cases, institutions stand in the way. School boards resist the expansion of charter schools. Teachers unions resist measuring and rewarding effectiveness. In How Bill Gates would repair schools Y • I See GATES, page 13 O "Suuuuuure," the pershe had fractured her wrist and would not be able son on the other end of to perform with them at the line would snarl cockour larger than life cham- ily. ber concert. Imagine the "No, really! She was frazzle this caused, espe- born and she has such a cially since they had been darling mass of black hair working on their piece all semester long, several "Bah! How gullible do hours a week. Frazzle city, you think I am?" the stubmy dear hooligans, frazzle born person would speak city. into the receiver as the 3. A rather bizarre fellow phone is hung up. The most plausible tricks shared with me the bizarre story of how he picked a are the ones that you can fake fist fight with a friend. get your cohorts to back Punches and mouths were you up on. My sister pulled flying out of control. And off the whole false engageeven though it was only ment trickery (this is prean April Fools' joke, it was Facebook, mind you) with only in jest, they still got the help of her co-workers. in trouble with the high This seems to be a popular school authorities. I guess .prank in recent trends of a fight is fa fight, regardless fraudulence. Fake zircoof the harmless intentions nium rings. Fake proposal stories and fake engagethat initiate it. 4. I heard a delightful ment photos. The jostling tale that involved two fami- of tender hearts. Promise lies that traditionally duke me, my dear hooligans, that it out on April 1. One fam- you'll never perform or fall ily set up a bunch of those for an April 1 engagement, tacky, inflatable Christmas as it can only last superfidecorations into the other cially and will always end opposing family's front in heartache and intermiyard. What an incredible nable sorrow. prank. First of all, it would What a treacherous holmake people stop and iday this is, full of deceit, wonder what month it was chicanery and white lies. supposed to be, and sec- Cocoa Puffs instead of ond of all, it would look so Lucky Charms. Salt instead gaudily hideous that every of sugar. Butter instead of time a person passed the soap. Saran wrap instead winter wonderland, she or of toilet. Black instead of he would not be able to white. Evil instead of good. contain a ridiculous, goofy The whole world goes smile from spreading wide- topsy turvy. (Well, topsier ly on her or his face. I am turvier than normal.) I find a strong advocate for the it questionable that we find addition of more goofy it necessary to dedicate an smiles into the world. entire day of the year to I know a dizzying scurvy underhanaedness amount of people that and hoaxing, but I am still have birthdays on April 1. willing to laugh at the sus(Well, at least three.) What ceptible suckers of April a disadvantaged way to be foolery. Bwa haha. brought into the world. I mean, think about it. No Melissa Condie is a one would believe your junior majoring in music birth. How rude. People education. would horrendously Comments assume that you were still can be cozying it up in the womb. sent to • I can see the mother of a m.condie@ Fools baby trying to spread aggiemail. the news. "Six pounds and usu.edu, Photo Editor Cameron Peterson Assistant Photo Editor Tyler Larson Editorial Board Arie Kirk Rachel A. Christensen Courtnie Packer Tim Olsen Amanda Mears Lisa Christensen About letters • Letters should be limited to 350 words. • All letters may be shortened, edited or rejected for reasons of good taste, redundancy or volume of similar letters. • Letters must be topic oriented. They may not be directed toward individuals. Any letter directed to a specific individual may be edited or not printed. • No anonymous letters will be published. Writers must sign all letters and include a phone number or e-mail address as well as a student identification number (none of which is published). 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