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Show WeekendDiversions Friday, Jan. 23, 2009 Up side of a down economy think we can all agree that the proposed budget cut of $30 million at USU is evidence of the overall crap hole our economy is in. However, through many anxiety attacks and sleepless nights, I've come to the conclusion that I won't make it through college alive if 1 don't start looking at the up side of our down economy. First positive note - I'll have plenty of opportunities to do what I really love: read and drink coffee. With little hope of acquiring a job after graduation, it's becoming increasingly clear that my love for the written word and highly caffeinated beverages will be the only way to pass the time. Of course, if all the other journalism and English students follow my lead we may purchase a combined amount of coffee that we alone give the economy the energy boost it needs. So really, it'd be against our economy's best interest to not drink coffee. On that note, I like peanut butter and jelly. I also like mac and cheese. I can afford both of these with the $6 an hour I'll make working at McDonald's the rest of my life. Who knows, maybe once the economy picks up through my coffee-drinking plan I'll be able to step it up and apply at Subway. However, this is highly unlikely, as I've heard through the grape vine that Subway will only be hiring engineering majors. It is also my belief that as the economy gets worse, people will not be able to eat as often; while this seems like a bad thing, it may actually be the dieting plan Americans have been looking for. No more Atkins diet (can't afford the meat). Even vegetarians will have to kill to find a fresh peace of lettuce. Goodbye Hamilton's, hello the garden behind my neighbor's house. Of course there is a certain group of people who have been training for starvation their entire lives. I'll sum them up with the narru and Nicole Richie. - Speaking of two-bit celebrities with no talent, I am also I foreseeing a drastic increase in reality TV shows in response to the rapidly declining economy. New shows will start to pop up like, "How to Keep Your Hoe in Line, Part 1," and "Remodeling Your Bathroom, Toilet First." Other shows with substance, such as "The Office" and "Law and Order," will slowly start to fade without the funds to keep them l afloat. . .- ;,, A And while the rise of reality TV may seem like a bad thing to those with brains, I've decided to accept it as a better - and more affordable - distraction than most other dopamines. "Flavor of Love" is trie new marijuana and "My New BFF" is the new acid. This leads me to another advantage of our slumping economy: low gas prices. With gas as low as $1.40 a gallon most places, the answer to the question, "When was the last time you cried," will no longer be, "Last night, at the pump." I've been able to fill up my car four times since school started for the same amount I paid in one visit to the pump last summer. That's something incredible. However, at the end of the day 1 think the best thing this economy will do to students is nothing. Being poor and still having to pay gruesome bills is what being a college student is ail about, This being said, it would be nice to be able to eat meat every once in a while, and although reality TV is cheaper than most drugs,, it's still torture to watch. It would also be really nice to be able to apply all those things I paid to learn over the past few years. So, new plan. If the economy doesn't gel better - despite our coffee drinking efforts - we all move to Canada for the free health care. Page 5 Are you a nerd? Find out now "I am a nerd." Many people claim to be a nerd, but where's the proof? Thus, I've created a quiz that will settle once and for all who is and isn't a nerd. Warning - the results may be shocking. But before we get to the quiz, we need to define what it means to be a nerd. Over the years this simple term has developed a not so simple definition. Some people associate nerds with intelligence, where as other people associate it with playing video games and watching sci-fi movies. So what's my definition? I believe a nerd is anyone who would genuinely enjoy going to Comic-Con, or in other words, anyone who really enjoys techno-pop culture. Being a nerd has nothing to do with an IQ, but it has everything to do with learning things that can't be taught in a class room. Ever since I started writing for The Statesman I've had one objective, to make this newspaper as nerdy as possible. With the following quiz I believe I've done just that. So on that note, I'd like to disclose the following warning: This quiz will cause some people to roll their eyes, some will cringe and some will not understand the questions at all. Regardless of how you perceive this quiz, I believe the following questions will accurately determine the level of one's nerdyness. The quiz is composed of 15 ques- — > — • — ^ — tions and is broken down into four categories. After you've answered every question, be sure to check your results at the bottom. Good luck, and may the force be with you. v*™*^ Everyday life - Ask yourself the following questions and answer them with either true or false. •are located in the h u m a n body. * Jeopardy by Tim Russell Answer these questions as if you were playing Jeopardy. belong to us." 14. The act of tricking someone into watching Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" is called Rick . 15. In World of Warcraft, Leeroy is the name of a loveable yet annoying character wno charges into battle. 7. This former U.S. president has the Answers: 1 .True. 2,True. same last name as a popu- 3True. 4.True. 5True. $6. lar Resident Evil character. True. 7. Who is John F. Kennedy? 8. What is 42? 8. The author Douglas 9. What is Halo 2? 10. Adams wrote that this Star Wars: A New Hope. number is the answer to 11. The Matrix. 12. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. life. 13. Base. 14. Rolling. 15. 9. "I Love Bees" was the Jenkins. title of a viral marketing campaign for this Xbox How to determine the game. results: 1. I read online comics. 2. I watch anime. 3. I play video games regularly. 4. I often lose sleep at night thinking about the innocent casualties who died on the uncompleted Death Star. 5. In order to justify going on a date, I remind myself of the thought experiment, "Schrodinger's Cat." 6. I have raised my hand in a biology class to ask where the midichlorians Movie quotes - Answer these questions by naming the movie associated with the quote. 0-4 correct: Embarrassing nOOb. People in this category are deserving of a "facepalm." 10. "Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way?" • 5-8 correct: Sidekick in training. Don't worry, we all know Robin is just as cool as Batman. 11. "There is no spoon." 12. "What is the airspeed velocity of an. unladen swallow?" Internet Memes - Answer these questions by filling in the blank. 13. "All your 9-12 correct: Achievement unlocked. Congratulations. Don't spend all of those imaginary points in one place. 13-15 correct: true nerd. John Connor would be proud. are Greg Boyfes is a junior majoring in print journalism. ••••, Questions can \if,be sent to him :at greg.boyles® aggiemail.usu. edu. Necklace NOWPLftyiNG LUfuLtt on. ifout Tara Paxman sophomore accounting forever 21} $18 'Bedroom Talk"- The Starting XL "The Futile" - Say Anything -•' I. "Shake it Like a Salt Shaker"> \ Ying Yang Twins i, 4. "Hands Down" - Dashboard Confessional 5. "Smother Me" - The Used len Gasser • 6. "Liar Liar" - The Used |7, "Dreamstreet" - Dreamstreel 8. "I Wanna Dance with Navy $40 Bmfkfrmi Nordfrtr&m ^Somebody" - Whitney Houston* 9. "I'm Yours" - Jason Mraz Each week The Statesman loill find one student listening to his or her iPod and see what is playing on their pi ay list. * Information compiled by Knrlie Brand j Information compiled by Courhiie Packer Sports Academy Night Come to the Sports Academyfrom9-121 Be preparedforvarious sports activities and tournaments such as basketball, volleyball, raquetball, weight-lifting etc Pick up your tickets at the Institute bookstore. V: You can still Register for Spring 2009 at wiseJdsces.org Religion in Life Friday at 11:30 Jared and Amy Nelson in the Cultural Hall? |