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Show 16t Diversions Page 8 Friday, April 25, 2008 'if--. "Deal" ^Baby Mania" Pre-Emptive Critics "Harold and Kumar 2" This movie relies completely on shallow racial stereotypes. This movie is political, but not the kind of BillO'-Reilly-or-Tim-Russert political that has been t proven to sprout open, festering sores and cause pancreatic cancer in males and females ages 1632. It coyly mocks the Bush administration's policies - that sounded really smart, damn, that'll kill my reputation - and it looks like a fake George Bush even smokes pot in this movie. I'm not sure I even have to say any more. Those' two things should be enough to provide me with enough evidence to pre Oh my God. NPH - or Neil Patrick Harris for the lame asses out there - is in this, too. When Doogie Howser M.D. touches something, it can't help but turn to celluloid gold. The man is simply legen - wait for it, fans of "How I Met Your Mother" know it's coming, but when - dary. Even though there's not the promise of delicious White Castle at the end of this movie, I still have absolutely no qualms about preemptively wanting to impregnate this movie - that's as close to the emotion of love as I'm capable of. . ,. . 1 just what we need, another comedy laden with Saturday Night Live aJumni. I actually don't have that much of a problem with Tina Fey, she's pretty good in "30 Rock." But, Amy Poehier .drives me crazy. She's like the female Chris Katan. Her comedy is all physical, and so slapstick that it hits you in the face like a brick. Chris Katan has never been funny in his entire Iffe. At least Poehier is somewhat bearable on SNL "The Weekend Update," but other than that she makes me cringe. From what I've gathered by the trailer, "Baby Mama" is about a woman who wants to have a baby, but can't. So she hires a surrogate mother, played by Amy Poehier, to get pregnant for her and then give her the baby. You must be pretty desperate to hire Amy Poehier to incubate your child. You're just asking for your kid to come out as some kind of asexual being or some type of lizard. Seriously, that kid is going to be messed up. I just had a horrible thought, what if Amy Poehier and Chris Katan mated? What sort of offspring would that produce? Some sort of unfunny, spastic, doofus who laughs hysterically at fart and poop jokes. Or even worse, something resembling a Klingon, but with an annoying laugh and unbearable sense of humor. This is actually giving me nightmares to think about, so I'll stop. I'll end by saying I preemptively hate this movie, because Hollywood shouldn't even be allowed to. give us a glimpse of what it would be like if Amy Poehier was allowed to reproduce. > • This movie stars Burt Reynolds, whose moustache and eyebrows are dyed black, and whose presence indicates that Michael Douglas, Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Jamie Kennedy, Robin Williams, Wood Harris, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau, Robert Duvall, Jerry Stiller, Hugh Grant, Malcolm McDowell, Jonathon Rhys Meyers, Kurt Russell, Dan Akroyd, Ted Danson, Michael Richards, Harvey Keitel, Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Richard Dean Anderson, Alan Alda, Phillip Seymour Hoffman (All his friends call him Phil Hoffman), Kevin Bacon, Richard Burton, Ed Asner, James Gamer, Martin Landau, Steven Dorff, George Clooney, Harry Dean Stanton, Kevin Costner, Harry Connick Jr., Daniel Craig, Clint Eastwood, Henry Fonda, Harrison Ford, Tom Cruise, Al Pacino/ Paul Giamatti, Paul Newman, Donald & Keifer Sutherland, Burt Lancaster, George Lazenby, Robert Mitchum, Brent Spiner, Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro, Henrik Zetterberg, Pavel Datsyuk, Chris Osgood, Tomas Holmstrom, Brad Stuart, Nicklas Lidstrom and all the other real actors were too busy. OK, I cheated. The last six names aren't actors at all, they're Detroit Red Wings. Go Wings. I preemptively would never watch "Deal" or any other similar movie. •?;•:-;v,vrsv/;-}•-• , ; w, ^ ^ ; -by G. Christopher Terry/graham.terry^aggiemaiiusu. edu •-S'- i.,' -by Aaron Peck/aaron.peck@aggiemail..usu.edu -by David Baker/da.bake@aggiemail.usu.edu The pre-emptive critics write knee-jerk analyses of upcoming films based solely on hearsay, advance publicity and — most importantly— movie trailers. They have not seen the movies. to all those who supported the 2008 SENIOR GIFT We raised a totafeof ; ?*: from our senior class! The 2008 Senior Gift money will be used to construct a Utah State University sign located on 400 North, over the pedestrian tunnel. You can still be part of the 2008 Senior Gift. For more information, visit www.usu.edu/seniorgift. UtahState UNIVERSITY ANNUAL FUND Seniors & Graduate Students From all Disciplines Do you need an upper division elective and some extra cash? • • • • Special Ed 6500 Seminars (Friday Afternoons) Service Learning Research Experience Stipend Option This course is an excellent addition to resumes, graduate school applications, and a well lived life. Need help with your grades? Here's some advice about study mistakes from the book "How to Get A's in College" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $14.95), straight from people who've done it: "The biggest mistake I made during my freshman year was reading everything that was assigned. In my biology class I read every word from the book. When it came time for finals I was overwhelmed by how much information was not on the exam, and i was confused by all the information I had in my head. After that I only used my books as supplemental to what the professor taught in class. Don't over-read for your classes;.it will only mess you up." -Noel, Vancouver, Canada; University of Southern California "The worst thing you can do is to look at the first few problems of your homework and assume because you know the first few sets that you'll know everything and ace the test. You won't. Put yourself in a testing environment and attempt to do a problem. Do it without your notes and without external help. It's really easy to convince yourself that you know something when you really don't. When you are in a test environment and you are crunched for time, everything is completely different." -Nathaniel, Philadelphia, Pa.; Stanford University "On the first day of class, the professor told everyone that there were going to be three tests, and she would drop the test with the lowest score to calculate our final grade. I just assumed that I could skip one of the tests entirely, so I just didn't show up to take the second test. This was probably the worst mistake I made in my four years in school. The professor ended up giving me a zero and explained that she meant us to take all three tests. Even if! failed one, I was still supposed to show up. It was awful because I got A's on the other two tests, but only ended up with a C in the class." -Brett, Ft. Lee, N.J.; Pennsylvania State University For more information: www.cpd.usu.edu and look under "training opportunities" for the Interdisciplinary Disability Awareness Course or call Connie at 797-1993 3C Center for Persons with Disabilities Partners A eras t the Lifeiji,m Interdisciplinary Disability Awareness and Service Learning Program (IDASL) "The worst presentation I ever gave was in an international relations class. I lost my voice the night before and couldn't say a word when I got up in front of the class to present. I was so upset since I'd spent weeks preparing and knew I would get an A. Fortunately the professor excused me and offered me extra credit to do, instead of the presentation." - •• -Anonymous, Seattle, Wash.; New York University Credit: Hundreds ofHeads (MCT) |
