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Show f™ Page 5 kVEDiversions Friday, April 11,2008 If goes as scripted, you might get to see me naked tonight I I I t's been so long since I I went on a date, I think the I girl curtsied at me when I showed up at her front door. We spent the date in her parents' drawing room discussing the possibility of finding the Northwest Passage and how to effectively deal with several current peasant uprisings. I dumped her after the fourth date because she still wouldn't even let me see her ankles. When it comes to dating, I'm like an American colonial trying to figure out what the hell a pix message is - basically, I'm John McCain. Since it's been so long, I've had to bring myself up to speed on the customs of today's dating world. But going up to the counter at a bookstore with self-help books about dating just isn't an option j- way too embarrassing, people can't know that I read. So I went with the next best thing - reruns of "Saved By The Bell." With Zack Morris as my role model, ! slicked back my hair and started talking to an imaginary camera. I asked a girl out and tried to take her to The Max, but apparently that doesn't exist. I was sunk, so I just took the girl home. Watching six hours of "Saved By The Bell" every day for a week didn't get me any action, but I did learn important lessons about diet pill use and gambling. But one thing I still can't figure out is why Zack and Slater hung out with Screech, because that guy was a huge tool. Either way, I've came to the conclusion that maybe Zack Morris is just more attractive than I am. Maybe that's my problem. But, I've always thought that if I wasn't so average looking, 1 would make a great hot guy. I'm shallow enough that even a brief period of sun would make me evaporate. Looks don't matter that much - Gary Busey probably even gets laid, occasionally - so that can't explain all of my dating woes. Really, it's probably for the best, my idea of a date would make most girls nauseous. My perfect date: Fade in with Van Halen's "Panama" playing. Camera pans over a small house party. Cut to shot'of a keg stand. Cut to shot of college kids jumping and dancing. Cut to shot of a couple making out on an ugly orange couch. Cut to shot of Baker playing elegant, yet inspired air guitar. He pauses to take a long drink out of the can of Olympia that's sitting on the kitchen table. Enter hot rocker chick with shorter black hair. She's only wearing a small white bikini. (Zoom to her face) Rocker Chick: "Hey, I saw you from across the room and - " (Cut to his face) Baker: "Yeah, I am looking pretty good tonight." (Tugs on Pantera shirt.) "Thanks for noticing." (Pull out to wider shot) Rocker Chick: (Touching his arm) "I just thought - " (Zoom on his face) Baker: "Listen, I don't have a lot of time, got to get back to the rockin'." (Takes another pull off his beer.) "So, I'm going to be pretty drunk later, you want to take advantage of me?" (Shot of her licking her lips and her hand playing with her bikini top) Rocker Chick: (Sultry tone is essential here, not a hint of sarcasm) "Oh, I would love nothing more than to have drunken sex with you." (Wider shot of both of them) An understanding nod. Cut to rocking out montage. Shot of air guitar. Shot of Baker smashing beer can. Shot of head banging. Shot of shotgunning a beer. Shot of Baker, seated, playing air drums. Cut to sex montage with Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" playing. Cut to shot of making out while entering the door. Cut to shot of her back as the bikini top falls to the floor. Cut to shot - from the top bunk of a bunk bed - Baker is on top. (Zoom to her face, sweat needs to make her glisten) Rocker Chick: "OH ... MY ... GOD!" Baker: "Don't flatter me, babe." Pan out, showing pile of clothing on the floor and the comedy movie and beer posters on the walls. Fade to black. Guys understand how that's a date. Girls ... not so much. The perfect date for girls has to be something magical, unrealistic and ultra expensive. A girl's perfect date: Close up on a red door. Hand enters shot and knocks. Hidden Niches 4 ; ; K i . ;• .••? Camp OLD MAIN In the basement of Old Main, a left turn off the front stairs or a U-turn from the elevator will take students to a cafeteria-style lounge. One corner is lined with assorted vending machines, even one that dispenses ice cream bars and frozen burgers. A turn into the alcove reveals salmon couches. But almost all the half dozen or so tables are empty. Amber Bown, senior in social work, said she has known about the lounge for about a year. "I have classes in here," Bown said. "1 never come down here to study, just to use the vending • FOURTH FLOOR LOFT OF THE LIBRARY Chairs are clustered on a glassed-in bridge, which is suspended four stories over the entrance. Windows behind the bridge show the Logan Mountain Range. Sprawled in assorted arm chairs, students read and study on this bridge. H See DATE, page 7 Information compiled by Shannon Johnson Shakespeare's 'King Lear' to grace the Utah State stage COURTESY OF USU MEDIA RELATIONS "King Lear" is one of Shakespeare's most accessible plays, director and professor in the department of theatre arts at USU Adrianne Moore said. "The stakes are high - sons and daughters betray their fathers, an old man's eyes are gorged out, another old man is turned out of doors in a hurricane, a man kills his brother to avenge a wrong, a jealous woman murders her sister and a man abandons his child," Moore said. USU's "King Lear" takes the Morgan Stage in the Fine Arts Center on April 10-12 and 1619. Performances begin at 7:30 p.m. "Lear" is the story of a world torn apart by the egotism and fallibility of a man, Lear. His desire to keep the ceremony, the grandeur and the trappings of his office but not the responsibility Wad him to divide his kingdom amongst his children with disastrous consequences for his family and his kingdom. The divide between the office itself- king, governor or president and the individual who holds that office is especially relevant in a time of war and a time when national elections loom. The plays deals with the potential and actually abuse of power by those in control but also with the self denial and blindness to ones own faults that accompanies the flattery and obsequiousness of others. Utah State Theatre welcomes New York actor Chris McHale, who dons the crown of Lear. Some viewers might recognize McHale from appearances on "Law & Order," "Rescue Me," "One Life to Live," or "Criminal Intent." McHale has also played Julius Caesar, with Denzel Washington, and was in Eugene CNeil's "The Iceman Cometh" on Broadway, Moore said. McHale has also appeared in "King Lear" at various times throughout his career and said he looks forward to this unique setting to play "such a great part." McHale said what attracted him to Utah is the chance to participate in an atypical professional experience. "I am looking at this through several lenses, as an actor, sure, but also as a learning and teaching experience," McHale said. "I've always felt the need to pass on some of my experiences that might help aspiring young actors. I'm approaching this process as more of a learning experience for both students and myself." Moore said it takes an accomplished performer for the primary role in Shakespeare's play. "'Lear' is the monster (or the mother) of all Shakespeare roles - vast in thematic scope and extraordinarily demanding for any actor," he said. "He is a king and if not a very old man at lest firmly middle aged. An autocratic king with more McHale's visit is made possible by a grant from the Marie Eccles Caine Foundation. The director also emphasizes the importance of Utah State's actors in the production. "Lear is in many ways very suitable for a student cast," Moore said. "Learss daughters Goneril, Reagan and Cordelia are wonderful roles for young women as are the brothers Edgar and Edmund. The clarity of the language is absolutely imperative, not only should the audience hear every word but also the sense (of every moment) must be absolutely clear. This production is fairly spare - a bold set and lush costumes but the emphasis is firmly on the performances and the illustration of a gripping story through the spoken word." Tickets for "King Lear" range from $6 to $10, but they are free for USU students with valid USU IDs. Educational group rates are available. Please no children under 6. Tickets can be purchased by calling 797-8022. For general inquires, call 797-1500. Photos Cameron Peterson ENGINEERING LOUNGE Up three flights of stairs in the Engineering building is a small lounge past the computer lab. Half of the lounge is filled with soft arm chairs and low tables while the other half has assorted desks divided in honeycomb-like cubicles. Students can take a quick nap or open books to study. SMALL ART GALLERY IN FINE ARTS BUILDING Just to the left of the Kent Concert Hall, in the Fine Arts building, is the Tippets Art Gallery. This room is used for two purposes. The first is to display students' art pieces, interior design works and architecture projects. The second purpose of the gallery is to host masters music classes. These take place in a balcony room at the back, said Melisa Stowe, senior in performance theatre. We Fit Your Needs MATERNITY INSURANCE • Costs as little as $75 • $175 / MONTH Pays out as much as $5000 - $7000 Must be in effect 10 months BEFORE you deliver Works great with other health insurance policies Great prices on all Life, Health, Auto & Renters Cache Valley Insurance, Inc. 94 South Main, Logan (435)7524560 Ask for Amanda or Curtis Turning Memories into keepsakes Wedding Photography Copyright Release with Every Session Packages starting at $499.00 435-512-0131 www.bebeautifulphotography.com FIELDHOUSE POOL TABLES Enter the Fieldhouse and turn right. Walk a bit across the track, and a small room filled with billiard room tables comes into view. The room is filled with six pool tables in two rows. During school hours, billiards classes are held in the room, but during off hours any student can borrow billiard sets from the Fieldhouse desk that scans your ID card when one first walks in and play as long as they want for free. |