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Show Page 7 WeekendDiversions Friday, Dec. 7, 2007 "Awake" is definitely not a snore GRADUATION There's nothing better than going into a movie knowing nothing about it (Warning: Do not even look at the movie poster. It gives away such an important plot device that the person who made the poster should be out of work). That's right, I'm talking about "Awake." Yes it's that movie that has a dismal 17 percent rating on RottenTomatoes. com. But don't believe that percentage. Just go and see this movie. "Awake" stars Hayden Christensen ("Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith") as Clay, a rich Kid who has taken over his father's company after his somewhat controversial demise. Clay has a heart problem and needs a transplant. He has a best friend, Dr. Harper (Terrence Howard, "Crash") Aaron Peck Movie Critic Reel Reviews Grade B+ "Awake" who is the only person he trusts to perform the transplant surgery. Clay is also head-overheels in love with a person he shouldn't be, named Sam (Jessica Alba, "Fantastic Four"). Sam isn't in Clay's tax bracket, and his mother (Lena Olin, "Alias") would never approve of them getting married. Clay is stuck in the world of 'old money' and high society. He would desperately give up everything just to be with his girlfriend Sam, who he's been hiding from his mother. When the time comes for Clay to get his transplant surgery, he insists that Harper does it, which is against the wishes of his mother. She has picked out a surgeon of her own, a man who has actually "had his hands inside of presidents." His mother is overprotective, and Clay, even though he loves his mother, goes against her wishes and has his friend perform the surgery. After the surgery starts, a series of events unfold at break-neck pace which I will not begin to describe here because it would spoil the fun. The only thing anyone who goes to see this movie needs to know is Clay experiences a phenomenon known as anesthesia awareness in which a person is paralyzed by the anesthesia but can hear and feel everything going on. Imagine being able to feel a bone saw cut open your rib cage. Christensen is fantastic as Clay, Alba is surprisingly not awful, and Howard brings another great performance to the screen, which he does in every movie he's in. "Awake" is the most suspenseful show I've seen in a long time. It's only 78 minutes long, and every single one of those minutes is filled with suspense. "Awake" is a wellcrafted thriller which will miss the masses of America. But a few will go and see it, and hopefully, like me, they'll love it. -aaron.peck@aggiemail.usu.edu A guide to holiday do's and don'ts V- . '$'•••• "or the most part, in the front yard, IB mutts 1 Christmas sucks. So here tied to the same tree in the are some ways to survive backyard and one set of false this wretched season. .•.. teeth for 13 people to share, * Santa probably isn't coming to town. Santa is an elitist MUSIC Do: Spend at least one bastard who hates white day listening to the most trash, rednecks and those ridiculous Christmas albums who don't understand Dennis you can find. Miller's stand-up routine. Any more than one day, and you will develop SHOPPING an ostrich-egg-sized brain Do: Buy gifts for special tumor, an inner ear defect people in your life, or those and temporary paralysis, you'd like to see naked. which will relegate you to the But since shopping is such floor where you'll be puk- a terrible experience, ensure ing rivers of blood and fruit that you will get some satiscake. ;"ri:;_ faction out of the deal. Don't Any less than one dayTand buy anyone anything you you miss out on a host of can't get something out of. ridiculous Christmas albums. Say I want a Nintendo Wii. A favorite: Twisted Sister's^ To make sure that I get one, Twisted Christmas. ''-}--'" I'll buy one for my girlfriend Last year, I saw their video - who exists in this hypothetifor "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" cal scenario, but is imaginary sung to the tune of "We're in real1 life. She won't really Not Gonna Take It." It's ridic- want it, so I can play it to my ulous on several levels. The heart's content. ^ video consists of old, fat men "This philosopfiy works par. \t[CQ^Hyw£ll with alcohol and;, tromvO years ago trying to.be' '. CDs.Twaht a'certain* Strung androgynous. These creepers Out CD, so I go ahead and are playing a weird mixture buy it for my brother, knowof a tune that was popular ing full well'I'm going to take the last time someone scored the real disc out, burn him a because they had a mullet copy, seal the thing up and and a Christmas carol. All in wrap it. Then, we both get a Christmas-tree-and-stock- a CD we want, and the posing-rich environment. session of the original disc The video ruined my life. It isn't important because he'll haunts my eternity. We were just put it on his rnp3 player at Christmas Eve service/ and anyway. '• - * * * / I couldn't stop laughing when With alcohol, you buy we were singing "Oh Come something you want to drink, All Ye Faithful." All I could give it to a friend and make see was Dee Snyder tramp- sure you're there when they ing around the church in drink it. After a few drinks, ridiculous eye makeup, kick- they'll be too drunk to ing over people and chairs. remember that it was their Old ladies were looking at bottle and they'll just let you me in a very queer manner, drink most of it. This way, you but I didn't bother to explain, drink at least half a bottle of because they simply wouldn't whatever you bought. have understood - too old to Basically, a gift for somegrasp such harsh realities. one else should be a gift Don't: Listen to country to you, too. Selfishness and Christmas songs. Christmas mix like gin and No one needs some jack- tonic. ass hillbilly, or white-trash, Don't: Shop early. hillbilly jackass - cough, The people out Christmas cough, Toby Keith, I hate you shopping from the middle of - singing "O Little Town of August to mid-December Bethlehem," "Silent Night," are mostly likely semi"Rudolph," or worst of all, sedate, fruit-cake maniacs; "Santa Claus is Coming to totally whacked to oblivion Town." with holiday spirit and cheer. $j Sorry kids, but if your resi- These people are dangerous. dence - trailer, house, log They are toxic and should be cabin, what-have-you - has locked in plastic candy cane four or more rusty Chevys prisons and constantly prod- ded with sharpened pine boughs. You want to shop a week before Christmas, at the earliest - a couple days is a more realistic time frame. The people shopping later are in too big of a hurry to be cheery. They are often terribly spiteful, even to the point of outright rudeness, violent paranoia and ill temperament. People who are screaming at cashiers about the,endless stream of Christmas noise are the ones you want to be associated with, not Prozacaddled holiday well-wishers. An additional don't: Get a girl you don't know lingerie. That's just creepy. When it fits perfectly, it's proof you've been secretly stalking them and stealing their undergarments. That right there is probably enough evidence to get your ass thrown in jail, or at least slapped with a fat restraining order. And buying gifts for peo-$ Die'you know aren't buying:* them for you is irTpoor taste.* People you buy the gift for feel sorry for not getting you something, and that creates a lot of undue pressure. Those found buying gifts and causing these circumstances should be shackled in the town square and spit on. # • kill. This is not a good time of the year to confront family members about their behaviors, whether it's their drinking habits or definition of the word 'merry.' Stay off people's back. There is no need to poke Uncle John about his illegal betting operation, or berate your Aunt Jane about her penchant for doing voodoo on strange men she's slept with over the years. These people are family, and an intervention during Christmas dinner won't be productive. In fact, it's probably a step toward having the electric turkey carver turned into an implement of death. Maybe suggest some of those things as New Year's resolutions around Dec. 30. Whatever you do, don't forget the reason for the season: The constant replaying of "A Christmas Story." By USU MEDIA RELATIONS staff writer The Bridger Folk Music Society presents an intimate Bakery Concert with singer and songwriter Justin Roth on Saturday Jan. 5,2008, at 7:30 p.m. at Crumb Brothers Bakery, 291S. 300 West in Logan. Tickets are $10 and are available at the door or by calling 792-4996. Seating is very limited, so advance purchase is recommended. The concert is co-sponsored by Utah Public Radio and Import Auto. Raised in Minnesota on rock and roll, singer-songwriter Justin Roth picked up the guitar in 9th grade, taking lessons from a heavy metal guitarist. As his teacher started playing with an acoustic , t>e. ±5th opeiA, at ±±:3O a.fvt. For to Inappt-Ly accept 563-9r79°Penat4:3° 54 No. Main Street, Smithfield We Fit Your Needs MATERNITY INSURANCE Costs as little as $75 - $175 / MONTH Pays out as much as $5000 - $7000 Must be in effect 10 months BEFORE you deliver Works great with other health insurance policies Great prices on all Life, Health, Auto & Renters Cache Valley Insurance, Inc. 94 South Main, Logan (435) 752-4560 Ask for Curtis Craig. Dave Baker is a senior . majoring in print journalism. Comments and questions can he sentto da.bake@aggiemail.usu. edu. • FESTIVITIES Do: Drink and be merry. I will always encourage the consumption of Christmasy alcoholic beverages. Drink some Southern Comfort and egg nog. Hell, you could even leave out the egg nog, I won't tell. Recently, I've found out if you let your blood alcohol content drop below .10, you are likely to catch a virus, the flu, cancer or worse - out of your drunken stupor, you are liable to catch the Christmas spirit, the full repercussions of which are currently unknown. I'm not really sure what it means to be merry, actually. Since I don't know, I'll take it as this: Grow a beard, claim to be Santa Claus and try to score with some hot moms at malls. 'Merry' sounds romantic in origin, so my definition sounds close to the root of the word. Don't: Be someone's buzz Justin Roth concert coming to Logan trio, Justin became more'interested in playing unplugged. His path to acoustic music was solidified at 17, when he saw innovative guitarist Michael Hedges open for Crosby, Stills & Nasn. He had gone to see the famed headliners, but it was Hedges' music that truly spoke to him. Justin was enthralled by Hedges' expressive playing and inventive compositions and was immediately hooked by this new sound of the acoustic guitar. Justin saw that the acoustic guitar was capable of so much more than he had been exposed to before, and from that moment on, he knew that it would be the root of his musical world. He began experimenting with alternate tunings and exploring the two-handed tapping technique he learned from acclaimed finger- early o\*> Friday T>tc. photo courtesy USU Media Relations m v rrrcrnr o ^SeeJVSTINfpage8 For Your Princess Store Hours: Monday-Saturday 10 am-7 pm Vie Diamond Engagement Ring Store...since 1896 141 North Main • 752-7149 www.seneedham.com MlddU oftht bloat ike jljn pftbt |