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Show FridayTeb. Z'TSPTT: Utah Statesman 9 Pre-Emptive *&} Critics - /Because I Said So' $:f . "Because I said so." .•;:.rili^; This maternal battlecry was the reason I was unable to stay up late, eat Spaghetti-Os for breakfast or push my little sister down the stairs. Now, 1 don't want to influence any kids who may be reading this but everything your parents tell you is a big fat lie. ..•.•_-. . , ,, Broken cookies don't taste the same. There is a monster under your bed. It does want to eat you. Deal with it. _^, .*..;..&.,v Strangers have the best candy. So now there's a movie out tnere about a mom who feels the need to continue to control her child even into adulthood. This does not sit well with me. I just barely figured out how the washing machine works and have now broken free from the Fast bastions of my mother's cruel hand of tyranny. - " .•"«"•>"' I'm never going back. I love my mom. But I pre-emptively hate this movie. By Steve Shinney/steveshinney@cc.usu.edu :* 'Epic Movie'... i The Messengers' " • It was kinda funny the first time, right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly proud to say I was mildly amused by the first "Scary Movie" and maybe even "Not Another Teen Movie," but they definitely had their moments for those of us with the maturity of a 15-year-old. That being said, it appears that complete and utter desperation has clearly struck' the sad troupe responsible for releasing these blatant attempts at a quick box office buck. It shouldn't be that hard, really: putting together a successful film that spoofs all of the massive, big-budgeted tent poles from the last year or so. Isn't that what shows like Saturday Night Live did? Where's Mel Brooks when you need him? ., Instead we're left with Kal Penn again. Come'on, Kal! With minor but meaty roles in "Superman Returns" and "24," things were finally looking up for you. Then you had to turn around and do this and "Van Wilder 2." And is it me, or is the fact that the film seems to be spoofing "Borat" appear to hint that the screenwriters were clearly jealous of the fact that they have less comedic chops in their entire production than Sacna Baron Cohen has in one side of his authentically unkempt 'stache. Just like the larger-than-life event films the movie is providing parody for, "Epic Movie" is certainly destined to be remembered for something. Yep, "Epic Movie" is destined to be remembered as an epic disaster. . I pre-emptively hate this movie. ' -y . —By Mack Perry/mackp@cc.usu.edu There are a few things in this world that scare me, and to name a few: spiders, failure, death and children. Yes, children scare me. I know, you're all laughing right now, thinking, "Who in their right mind could be afraid of kids?" A l i i have to say to you is have you ever been to Wal-Mart on a Saturday? That's what I thought. Now you're thinking back to that time you went to Wal-Mart on a Saturday and watched as all the moms dragged their kicking, screaming kids behind them like a line of deranged baby ducks. You witnessed tiny fists of fury go to work as they landed blow after blow on their younger sister. You felt the pain during a game of tag in the electronics isle, when little Billy who stands about 2 foot 5 turned the corner and ran straight into your groin. Then there's the noise. On, the noise. Crying, screaming, moaning, whining, gurgling, it never ends. I'm sure this is what Dante meant in the "Inferno." Can you imagine anything scarier than children? I'm excited for "The Messengers." I'll be camping out overnight at the theater like a Star Wars nerd. Why? Because, it reinforces everything that I know about children. They are pure evil. Nothing can save us from them, and "The Messengers" lets me know that I'm not the only one in the world that thinks so. I pre-emptively love this movie. —By Aaron Peck/aaronpeck@cc. usu.edu The pre-emptive critics write knee-jerk analyses of upcoming films based solely on hearsay, advance publicity and—most importantly — movie trailers. They have not seen the movies. Rock Bandits stay true to classic roots Rock Bandits is firm"My goal is to Tom Liljegren ly grounded in the be a rock and roll classic rock tradition, engineer," Tanner his solo work is more Lex Jones said. folk-influenced and, Jones, a junior at times, more experelectrical engiimental. Jones said neering major, is a his solo work is more songwriter/guitarlyrically oriented and ist with two perdiverse than his work forming outlets-as Living it with the Bandits. a solo artist and Local as a member of His most recent CD, the Rock Bandits. "Alta," features mostWhether Jones is ly acoustic folk-rock, with the Bandits although it mixes in or solo, his music is a throw- other different sounds as well. back to classic rock songwrit- "Crush-o-Meter" is reminising-with solid guitar riffs to cent of "Another Side of Bob match his lyrical hooks. Dylan"-era with its strummed The Rock Bandits-which rhythm and unusual imaginclude Jones on guitar, ery to describe a budding Marcus Stevens on bass, Todd romantic interest. The excelJohnson on drums and Eric lent "Vacuum Time," also a Peatross on keyboard-are the standout song for Jones live, outlet for Jones' more rock- is an acoustic blues-rock song oriented material. Stevens, with soulful vocals about a a senior history major, said relationship that will work the band is trying to pioneer out "like a lazy Sunday after"bandit rock," whicn they noon." define on their Web site as 2 Other songs use muffled ounces rock and roll, 1 ounce vocals and varied rhythms to funk, with a dash of alterna- create more musically and tive rock (plus a little psyche- lyrically eccentric songs. delic rock). "Ultimate Control Button While Jones is the group's Heist" uses feedback, dissongwriter, he said the song- tant vocals and an echoic writing process is often very keyboard loop. "Ahoski Rag" collaborative. "On the most has a carnival ragtime feel powerful songs, the whole that lies somewhere between band has contributed cre- the more bizarre elements of They Might Be Giants and atively," he said. The band members said Tom Waits. their biggest influence is Led Jones' thick beard, softZeppelin and they hope to spoken voice and humble bring a similar classic-rock manner give him an unassumjam sound to their band. ing appearance for a rock per"Music on the radio today is former. However, he comes so crappy and overproduced," alive as he performs a song, said Johnson, the band's moving with the beat and drummer and a sophomore singing confidently. At last music therapy major. "There semester's Guitars Unplugged is no one today like The Who, performance, where he was Zeppelin ana Cream, who named best artist, he even justplays with raw talent." concluded his performance by jumping off or the stage. The members say the band has matured a lot in the two "I want to see people dancyears they have been together, ing in the crowd," Jones said, and they said they feel they "because I'm dancing on have now found their unique stage." sound and are coming togethJones also plans to release er as a band, particularly with his next album in the fall the addition of Peatross on or summer of 2007. You can the keyboard. Johnson said listen to a sample of Jones' having him on keyboard and solo work or the Rock Bandits sharing vocals with Jones has online at their Web pages added a new element to the on MySpace.com. Jones' solo band and.made their sound CD is also available for purmore interesting. chase by contacting him. The The Rock Bandits are cur- Rock Bandits will play at the rently completing the record- Rehab Your Planet, Intensive ing of their second CD, which Music Therapy concert next they plan to release this sum- Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the mer. Their songs remain very TSC Auditorium. rock-oriented, although they Tom Liljegren is a music have incorporated elements critic for The Utah Statesman. of funk music on many of Comments and suggestions of their songs with Jones' guitar future artists to profile and Stevens' bass. can be sent to him While Jones' work with the at ttiljegren@cc.usu.edu. You are awesome. The Statesman podcasts are awesome. You guys should totally hook up! www. utahstatesman. com /podcasts HELL IS A POPPING From page 4 Sundberg refers to it. Yet these types of Denver and Idaho to compete or even just have fun every first and third moves are commonly practiced in the advanced USU clubs, "Swingcopation" Saturday at the Elite Hall Ballroom. Nate Vimen is one such example, a and "The Swing Set," which have been BYU-Idaho student who participates preparing for weeks for the Harlem in the dances there. Vimen said he Nights competitions. goes to meet people and have a good Yet what puts the dancers out on time. top is not necessarily the moves that outsiders would consider impressive. "It's addictive," Vimen said. "You get What Sundberg recognizes as the involved in all kinds of dance. It takes hardest part is taking what you learn 100 percent energy and the atmofrom the basics and making it your sphere's great; it's really laid back." own. In his opinion, truly great dancHess described his own motivation ers display a connection, learn how to with two words, "Swing Rocks!" He move together and have a passion for said he appreciates the way swing the dance. dancing allows him to express himself "Dancing's a life. Show your emotion and think outside the box while having a lot of fun. through dance," Sundberg said. People from all over the community Those who are looking for a and beyond take Sundberg's motto to tough competition will find it in the heart and come from Salt Lake City, Hellzapoppin' endurance competition. Store Hours: Monday - Saturday 10:00-7:00 As part of Harlem nights, the USU Big Band swing club puts on "Dance 'til you Drop" dance-off where the last person standing wins a cash prize. "You have to mix it up though" Sundberg said. "You can't just keep repeating a basic." The challenge is on while several couples try to outlast the clock. Finally, the main event will take place on Feb. 3 at the Elite Hall Ballroom as the final competitors finish off the Hellzapoppin1 celebration with their best feet forward. Everyone is encouraged to participate and learn how to swing with "the greats." For more information on the USU Big Band swing club or a link to a detailed schedule of the Harlem nights events, go to www.usu.edu/swing. —cynthiadianne@cc.usu.edu Tht Diamond Engagement Ring Store. »since 1896 141 North Mean • 752-7149 www.senaedham.com Middle of the at tkt tign oftht tlotk |