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Show 7 6 Friday, Sept. 29,2006 The Missing Link: Find some of the best Photoshop work on the Net at www.worth1000.com. 797-7769 diversions@statesman.usu.edu Primal man: real good at killing, bad at shopping Wheeler believe in Gomt today's modern age where gender lines are many times blurred, and often people don't under-,..,-^ stand their role Chew on this in society, that wheel@ccusu.edu someone desperately needs to invent a spiderkiller for women. Since prehistoric times when cavemen roamed the earth, assuming their wives let them out with their buddies, men have always been the chief destroyer of creepy-crawlies. Which, by default, makes women the chief identifier of creepy-crawlies. "Uh ... uh AAAAAAAGHHHHHH!" This is of course followed by/'OverTHERE-GET IT!" The caveman would then calmly smash the offending bug and toss it out, with, of course, first taunting the woman with the dead, deformed bug body while leeringly remarking, "Sure you don't want it?" Obviously not amused, the cavewoman certainly replies, "Get that THING away from me, if you want to see the daylight of tomorrow! "I'm not joking! "AAAAAAGHHHH, I hate you!" Much like today's man, Grog in the days of old never learned how far he could take a joke with Mrs. Groe. If he were still alive, he woulastill be paying off his misdeed by doing household chores and getting the groceries. Grocery shopping to a man is like squishing spiders to a woman. Each wishes the other gender would just handle it so they wouldn't have to think about it. You see, much like Grog going out and hunting for food, modern man actually likes going to a grocery store because there is food. And beer. And Doritos. Men just hate grocery shopping. Mrs. Grog was satisfied when Grog actually came home early from clobbering the first moving dinner item he saw. That way he could take care of the frightening arthropod under the armoire. But when today's man goes grocery shopping, he has to take a list. And while he wishes it were as easy as a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter like on Sesame Street, the dreaded shopping list is never that simple. In fact, grocery lists contain things that fall into three categories. First of all, it contains items never introduced to man, like artichoke hearts and guava. The list also contains items that are way too broad. An item of question may be something simple like "eggs." But it never says what kind. Medium? Large? Jumbo? What grade? What color? What animal, for crying out loud? The last type of grocery list item is the highly descriptive, non-existent item, like you know, "the bacon in the green package with kind of a picture on it of a farm house or maybe a silo or, wait, no it's a blue package and it says something about a valley on the label and it's always on the left side of the bacon section, near the top. Just ask the meat guy and he'll know what I'm talking about." As Tar as I'm concerned, bacon is bacon. And they wonder why we never bring home the right stuff. So to make everything a little simpler for both genders, someone smart needs to invent a spiSQUISH BUGS see page 7 Trevor Hielson/ctwgccusu.edu TOP: CHRIS KELLER AND A N N DEEVER enjoy a brief moment together — one of the few they get — after they discuss the possibility of marriage. Bottom right: Joe Keller tries to reason with his son as he pours another glass of grape juice. 'All My Sons' a well-crafted tale It's wrong to pity a man like that. Father or no father, there's only one way to look at him. He knowingly shipped out parts that would crash an airplane.' -Ann Deever The audience was all ears Thursday night as the USU theatre arts department performed "All My Sons." Director Kevin Doyle beautifully captured the essence of Arthur Miller's play. Set in post-WWII America, this plot examines Joe Keller's pursuit to acquire money and be successful — regardless of what the consequences are. His intentions to benefit his family are moving, but he disregards the universal human family. The playwright got the idea of Joe Keller's crime from a real-life situation: a company consciously shipping faulty aircraft parts. Tears were brought to dry eyes through both laughter and disheartening moments. Through entertaining Audro Chappell Pla lay eviews 'All My Sons' UST.GradeAconversations and rowdy squabbles by the cast, the audience witnessed Joe Keller discover who, really, all his sons were. The set was very charming and so life-like that it seemed as if we really were in a small neighborhood. The script was captivating, and the actors ana actresses really got into their characters. They really played their parts well. In fact, sometimes they got so caught up in their lines that they were talking too fast to understand what was going on. Thursday night's performance was a great accomplishment for the actors and actresses, but the overall plot of this play was slightly depressing and heavy, as it showed how numan greed can lead to disastrous effects within people's lives. Audra Chappell is a freshman in accounting and is the newest Statesman theater critic. Comments can be sent to audrac@cc.usu.edu. Go outside and play: Old Ephraim's grave BY JON COX Staff Writer Usually having a big head is considered a bad thing. But for one local celebrity, it earned him a trip all the way to the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C. Old Ephraim, the last known grizzly bear in Utah, weighed 1,110 pounds and stood around 10 feet tall, according to the local sheepherder, Frank Clark, who shot the bear to death in 1923. His skull was later purchased by the Smithsonian Institute. To visit the rest of Old Ephraim's remains, several routes are available to both hikers and mountain bikers. One favorite loop for hikers begins about 10 miles up Logan canyon. Near mile marker 383, turn right following Right Hand Fork and continue on the paved road for another mile and a half. Take a left onto a gravel road that leads to the Right Hand Fork trailhead about a half mile from the junction. Start hiking east on the trail. A little more than a mile from there, the Willow Creek trail combines with the original path. Go left on the new road for another mile and look for a trail with a sign pointing to the Ephraim Cutoff. The route from there is relatively well marked with cairns along the way. The path continues on for several miles before reaching a saddle, where another trail joins it from the left. Continue south along the saddle until the trail descends another mile and a half. There, you should reach a junction with a trail coming from the left called Long Hollow Road. Keep going towards the right for another half mile until you reach Old Ephraim's grave. A large, stone monument marks the site of the bear's burial. The height of the marker is supposed to represent the actual height of Old Ephraim. The trail's loop continues towards the south for another mile and a half. After passing a few water troughs, look for the Steel Hollow trail to the right. This route continues down several miles to the junction with Ricks Canyon. Stay to the right in the direction of Right Hand Fork Road and eventually the initial trailhead. All around expect a good 11- to 12-mile hike. Other trails to the grave are also available. For those wanting an easier route to see Old Ephraim, his skull is on permanent loan from the Smithsonian and can be seen in the basement of USU's MerrillCazier Library in the Tanner Reading Room. The exhibit is open to any visitors Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. —jcox@cc.usu.edu Collie GroverkQliieann@cc.uiu.edu THE 10-FOOT TALL GRAVE of Old Ephriam, the last grizzly bear in Logan canyon towers over Seth Fianigan, a senior in enviromental studies. |