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Show > PARENTING From page 4 by simply dropping him into lava. In all likelihood though, it'll be some metaphysical dragon like being uncomfortable with nerself in a swimsuit or fears of not fully reach.ing her own potentiaf. Good luck with those 'man, the/don't make fireballs to kill that crap. (Mario) This one does have to ^"Everything I learned do with self as a kid that made ",-\ defense: The weakness me that man I am of every fat itoday, I learned from person— hit{.he eight-bit Nintendo ting them in atertainment System." the stomach. (Punch Out) No matter what your parents tell you about how it helps you grow as a person or how it's good exercise, being a paperboy just isn't fun (Paperboy, the stupidest concept for a game ever). It's always a good idea to devote your entire life to martial arts and to have your best friend do the same. That way, if by some off-chance an evil gang comes and punches you girlfriend in the stomach, (not because she's fat, they're just jerks) and carry her off over their shoulders, you can do something about it. (Double Dragon) Ninjas can beat guys with guns. (Ninja Gaiden) Just because something is pointless and doesn't make much sense, that doesn't mean it's not dangerous, Doesn't anyone remember those little spiky guys that would crawl around in the first Metroid? What were those things? What kind of superior alien race employs little spiky things to crawl on their walls? I don't know. But it keeps me up some nights. (Metroid) Use what you're offered in life. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you a stone, make soup. If life sends you a stupid gun that shoots leaves, use it to destroy some other evil robot. (Megaman 2) Sometimes you really have to get to the heart of the problem. Sometimes this isn't pretty. Sometimes this requires shooting the face right off your problem, climbing inside and shooting the problem's heart with your machine gun. It's times like these that make it helpful to have 30 lives. (Contra) Patience is key. You may be tempted to drop a crooked piece down your carefully crafted one-square wide chasm to get a couple easy points. Hang tight though, the long skinny piece is just around the corner. (Tetris) So you can see: Everything I really need to know, I learned from Nintendo. Geek on. Steve Shinney is a junior in computer science and is currently trying to use skills he learned from playing computer games to get out of taking his midterms next month. Comments can be sent to steveshinney@usu. edu. University of Milwaukee stars in telescope construction BY J O H N FAUBER KRT For astronomers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and around the world, the stars just got a lot brighter. The first stunning images from the world's largest optical telescope, which UW scientists played a major role in building, were released Thursday. Perched atop a remote 5,000-foot plateau in South Africa, the S28 million device is expected to be a dominant player in the world of astronomy for at least a decade, a device that should reveal new clues about everything from the most distant galaxies to comets that streak through our own solar system. "It will make a huge difference to Wisconsin astronomy and a major impact on world astronomy," said John Mathis, an emeritus professor of astronomy at UW. "It will allow us to do research on objects that are too faint for other telescopes." Known as the Southern African Large Telescope, or SALT, the device is made up of 91 hexagonal mirror segments. It is 11 meters across at its widest. At 10 meters in diameter each, the two W.M. Keck Observatory telescopes in Hawaii had been the largest optical telescopes in the world. SALT is located about 220 miles from Cape Town near the Kalahari Desert in one of the "darkest" regions of the world with no nearby cities or other sources of light pollution. Astronomers say it will provide an unprecedented view of the Southern Hemisphere sky. Its rotating design will allow it to peer into three-quarters of the visible sky. An 11-member consortium that includes UW, the South African government and. Rutgers University financed and built SALT. UW's contribution, second only to the South African government, is $5 million. Several UW scientists still are in South Africa putting the finishing touches on SALT, including installation of its primary scientific instrument, a sophisticated spectrograph that sits six stories above the mirrors. The spectrograph breaks light into thousands of colors and wavelengths, which allows astronomers to learn a tremendous amount more than if they were looking at a traditional optical image. That will allow the device to analyze light from a variety of-objects, including parts of -. . our own galaxy, the Milky Way, nearby galaxies, and galaxies so distant they were formed a billion years after the Big Bang. "That's a region of space that we are very unfamiliar with," said Amy Barger, an associate professor of astronomy at UW. "Everything we learn about distant galaxies Sign Up Today Foi your Student Smiths and SAVE at • STARS see page 7 FOOD & DRUG STORES • The card is absolutely FREE • Sign-up takes about ONE MINUTE! • Enjoy the benefits IMMEDIATELY! Photo by KRT We are now open until 7 p.m. ... for your convenience. „ Our Fall Clotl11119 C| * * * *> A T Jjliftp<2 F T T P In ^ A As a Student Fresh Values Cardholder you Mill receive: 5%* discount off every order, every day. No limits! Extra savings on Smith's Fresh Values specials! 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