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Show T h e Utah MaresmaniJ OPEN CAFFE#IBIS Gallery l a COFFEE ROASTING COMPANY #wweek 52 Federal Avenue www.C3fIeihis.cani Help save Nigeria just by 1 answering your e-mai - Logan, Utah 4 3S.75 3 . 4 7 7 7 an Glass 753-6671 WINDOW TINTING \ WINDSHIELDS : 25%OFF | $100OFF Full car tint ONLY i deductible • GET $1 OFF ANY MEAL o O "CALVMARI, SALADS, SEAFOOD, DINNERS ALL UNDER $6.50 & OVER 70 SANDWICHES TO CHOOSE FROM." 1085 N. MAIN 752-1215 Monday- Friday 11 am-3 pm 10% OFF per pers only valid with USU ID A lot of food on a Student Budget" 432 N. Main Street Logan 753-5789 rich simply by giving you their bank account number. I'm just not qualified to help you out. I feel bad though, so I'll tell you what. When you do get your citizenship, give me a call, we'll hang out. I can do all kinds of yard work; I'll help you fix your safe house. Since I will feel responsible if you do end up completely bankrupt, I have a plan to make sure you have still have money for food. I'm starting up a new business — the details of which I'm not at liberty to discuss — that I'm sure will make millions. If you send me your bank account number, the one with the $37 million in it, I'll be sure to wire you what you need. 5teve Shinney is a junior in computer science who is currently looking into starting his own door-to-door burrito delivery service. Comments can be sent to steveshinney@ cc.usu.edu. Lucky ducks .15.2005 CHARBROILED GOURMET BURGERS GYROS SOUVLAKIS PASTRAMI STEAK SANDWICHES PHILLY CHEESE STEAK SANDWICHES BBQ PORK LAMB, SHRIMP & CHICKEN KABABS Like the ticking of the clock major source of income is fishing for change or the eventual in fountains while release of anothSteve Shinney mall security isn't er dumb movie looking, I couldn't based on a '70s lend any money TV show, there are to my friend certain things you Mr. Moustapha. just can't avoid. Fortunately for him, No matter how that's not what he good someone needs. may be, there is always the chance Whatisbeing The Geek they could fall. asked of me is to let Superman died, Beat ! him put the massive Lance Armstrong amounts of money stopped getting he does have into my cancer after twice and even account while he becomes a "American Pie" sounds dumb citizen of the United States. when Madonna sings it. Not Once that happens, I will even an elite Web-warrior help him invest his money such as myself can maintain — while keeping 10 percent a perfect record forever. for myself. This arrangement sounds It finally happened today. I got the Nigerian financial like it should work out great for everybody, especially me prime minister e-mail. Well not exactly. My e- — because even though it mail came from a Mr. Ahmed would mean that I would be Moustapha, the son of a fallen able to actually buy comic rebel leader from Sierra Leone books rather than just readwho needs as much help ing them at Borders when the — both financially and with manager isn't looking—I'm spelling — as any Nigerian just not sure yet financial prime minister. I hate to rob myself of For those of you who only this great opportunity. I just use the Internet to shop for wouldn't feel right taking that humorously worded T-shirts, much money for doing somethere is apparently an eco- thing that I would surely do nomic disaster that started horribly wrong. in Nigeria and is spreading To be entirely honest with across the globe that causes you, Ahmed, I didn't acquire high-ranking government offi- my collection of TVs and cials and royalty to be losing computer monitors because all of their assets and only I'm good with money. I got one person can save them. those babies because I'm I don't mean to sound good at getting in and out oi cocky, but that person is me. dumpsters at night. They must have heard With the exception of a about my shrewd monetary couple really good Pokemon sense from the Kool-Aid stand cards I swindled off some kid I ran in my youth which, after at a local grade school, I've expenses (i.e. sugar, flavor never successfuIly invested packets and replacing the T- in anything. Everything else, shirts I spilled all over), raked from Dick Tracy action figin a grand total of $1.27 — ures to my own future, has mostly in nickels. turned out to be a big waste It has been my most suc- of money. cessful financial venture to So, I'm sorry Mr. date. Moustapha, you'll just have Being that right now my to find some one else to get Jessica Alexander phoio/jalcxjndor@cc.usu.edu SYDNEY BRADFORD, HALEY KEPFER and Franz Johansen all take the nice Sunday weather to stop by first dam and feed the ducks with Santinas tortilla chips instead of the usual wonder bread. We need you The search is on to find the top 10 places on campus. We need your help to decide where is the best of the best. Please take five minutes and fill out this quick survey and drop it in the basket inside the statesman office. We would like your name and phone number only in case we need some clarification on your answers, but you have the option to complete this anonymously. Private £r Shared Rooms Call us... 752-2073 or Check out our web site. TANNING (Studio 1451 North 200 East Logan 787-0808 Achieve Intense Color with our New Genesis High Velocity Bulbs . . . Just installed in every bed. 15% Off any Hours: M-Thur: 7 am-midnight Fri & Sat: 7 am-10 pm 10-Session Pass Redeem before Sept. 30, 2005 I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I In your opinion, what is the... 1. Best place to grap a bite to eat on campus? 2. Best place to nap on campus? 3. Best place for a quiet study session alone on campus? 4. Best place to meet girls on campus? 5. Best place to meet guys on campus? 6. Best place to do a group project/group study on campus? 7. Best place to park your car on/close to campus? 8. Best place to work on campus? 9. Best computer lab on campus? 10. Best place to kiss on campus? Name: Phone Number: *You can complete this anonymously if you wish. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I |