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Show PAGE 4 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT THURSDAY 3/10 "Daily Utah Chronicle Stick 'em up 'Hostage' kidnaps its audiences with shlock and awe "Hostage" Miramax Films Directed by Florent Emilio Siri Written by Dong Richardson and Robert Crais Based on the novel by Robert Crais Starring Bruce Willis, Jimmy Bennett, Jimmy Pinchak, Ben Foster, Michelle Horn and Marshall Allman Opens March 11, 2005 Rated R/102 minutes " I promised myself i wouldn't cry. It shorts out my nervous system every time!" Crush! Kill! Destroy! 'Robots' is programmed for death by laughter filmmakers plenty of opportunities for yuks. Take the scene in which Rodney Copperbottom (McGregor) is chased down the street by a parade of large metal objects—he's been magnetically charged as punishment for breaking and entering. Very funny. It's all very silly and scattershot, but "Robots" is best when it's frolicking in its jokes. The story, however, is two shaky screws short of a scrap heap. Aaron Allen Rodney is an inventor, and A&E Writer apparently a pretty good one— When it comes to story- he creates a squeaky, little rotelling, Pixar is king. When it bot that flies, washes dishes comes to laugh-out-loud gags, and lives in a coffee cup. Blue Sky Studios might have Rodney leaves home and the edge. Its 2002 computer- goes to Robot City to peddle animated hit "Ice Age" was a his inventions. Bright-eyed throwaway delight, and now and bushy-tailed, he tries to the company gives us "Ro- set up a meeting with Big Weld bots," a finely buffed piece of (Mel Brooks), a jovial, fatherly eye-candy that's a little creaky robot who supposedly menin the plot joints. tors young inventors. Instead, But, oh, the gags! "Robots" Rodney's thrown out on his is full of 'em. The story takes shiny, metal ass by Ratchet, place in a wondrous, Rube the square-jawed, corporate Goldberg-esque world of liv- hunk who is evil because he ing machines, which gives the values money over people. "Robots" 20th Century Fox Directed by Chris Wedge and Carlos Saldanha Written by Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel Starring the voice talents ofEwan McGregor, Robin Williams, Halle Berry and Greg Kinnear Opens March 11,2005 Rated PG/102 min * * * Three out offour stars The story proceeds in a very ordinary manner. Rodney and his rag-tag team of misfit robots must find Big Weld and toss Ratchet out on his shiny, metal ass. There's the obligatory love interest (dully voiced by Halle Berry) and the (funny) comic relief. It's all very uninspired, which is shocking considering how inspired the animation is. The character designs are fantastic, particularly the monstrous Madame Gasket (gamely voiced by Jim Broadbent) and the roly-poly Big Weld. There are a few exciting action scenes—but nothing on the same level as, say, the buzz-saw jungle chase in "The Incredibles." Of course, there are all the wonderful sight gags, including a fartjoke punch line that's actually funny. How's that for talent? "Robots" is chock full of oohs and aahs and plenty of laughs, but audience heartstrings go entirely untugged. In this case, it's good we still have Pixar to kick around. aallen@ chronicle.utah.edu What's your scholarship? tled, derelict teenagers—the spasmodic Dennis (played by Jonathan Tucker), his benign little brother Kevin (Marshall Allman), and Dennis's sociopathic buddy Mars (played with startling intensity by Ben Foster, of "Flash Forward" fame)—-whimsically decides to take the rich Smith family hostage. The impossibly precocious Tommy Smith (played by Jimmy Bennett), who's supposed to be younger than 8 years old, somehow has the wherewithal to trip Tioo and a half out of four the silent alarm, precipitating stars one of Talley's officers to attend to what she thinks will Ben Zalkind be a routine security system A&E Writer check. The steely-gazed Mars caps her upon arrival. Patiently peeling back "Hostage's" wilted cinematMomentarily, the cavalry ic roughage—ignoring the arrives, bringing with it a fullswelling French horn chorals fledged shootout. The Smith and gratuitously tear-stained estate becomes a veritable action peril—viewers will fortress, and soon hundreds find at its core a fairly decent, of cops abandon their posts tightly wound thriller. to lend aid to the burgeoning But, anytime audiences fiasco. Los Angeles, as everyhave to sift through a virtual one knows, is a crime-free landfill of conventionality city with police manpower to to get at the heart of a film, spare. it goes without saying that Coincidentally, Mr. Smith there's more schlock than (played by Kevin Pollak) substance. cooks the books for some Bruce Willis stars as Jeff very powerful, odious indiTalley, an ex-LAPD hostage viduals. Mere minutes before negotiator who, after a mis- his house is infiltrated, he fincalculation on the job esca- ishes encrypting and copying lates into a heart-rending a good portion of the incrimitragedy, trades in urban stress nating bank information onto for a decidedly cushier subur- a disk. To protect his clients' interests—all of which seem ban police chief gig. A small gang of disgrun- to be on that stupid disk—the "Listen, just because your mom Is dating Ashton Kutcher doesn't mean you have to call him daddy." Willis and kin in "Hostage." faceless syndicate kidnaps Talley's family, essentially strong-arming him into doing their bidding. Hence, "Hostage's" tagline: "Would you sacrifice another family to save your own?" Foster is absolutely marrow-chilling as the brooding, laconic Mars. He unflinchingly kills over and over, thereafter only cocking his head to detachedly observe his victims' final gasps before calmly walking away. The Jeff Talley persona appears tailor-made for Willis, who slips comfortably into all facets of his character, and is surprisingly convincing in emotionally charged scenes. Put your brain in your pocket and enjoy it—immerse in "Hostage's" story. Yes, it's dumb and derivative, but the key to enjoyment in this case is to leave all expectation in the toilet. This is America. We don't have to think. bzalkind@ chronicle.utah.edu DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD CALENDAR March 10 Thursday Calendar gets a lot of fan mail. No lie-each and every day, we are barraged by our enumerable.fo I lowers and worshipers. It's really kind of obscene. Granted, these letters, in their entirety, are post-marked from the Jesusfreakheavensgate Cult in Moroni, Utah...but hey, we take what we can get. So, as not to seem ungrateful and risk losing the men and women that comprise what we've affectionately come to call "entourage," the other day Calendar brewed-up a little competition to see just who loves us the most (yes, we're that insecure). Consisting of gauntletrunning, raw sewage-swimming and Elk-crap eating, the competition was a long and peregrine journey for all involved. Long story short, after months of rigorous examination {meaning we sat around and ate pizza while a bunch of trained monkeys tabulated the results...and played Scrabble. Those monkeys kick ass at Scrabble), we chose a winner. Tonight, for a limited time only, catch Calendar's N u m b e r O n e Fan, playing with Suburban Legends at Lof-Fi Cafe (165 S. West Temple) at 7 p.m. Tickets are $10. to try and walk around. Brilliant! Oh wait: We are kidding. The only mail Calendar receives is from psychopaths in the state penitentiary (who keep referring to us as "sweetheart" for some disconcerting reason) and our mother-she's a sweet old bag. "Gee Calendar, why do you go off on these unnecessary tangents, then?" we can hear you asking. You want the short answer? We like hearing ourselves speak. Long live our voice! Or for our Spanish readers who get Calendar in subtitles, Viva Voce, tonight at Kilby Court, tickets available at the door, venue opens at 7 p.m. Calendar really is all for the protection of the freedom of expressioncan't you tell? Our little eventslisting heart just gets all aflutter at the sight of some weirdo doing something freakin' weird in order to "make himself better understood" (by who, we can't really tell you). As such, expect to see Calendar, front and center at tonight's live modern dance performance featuring Pllobus Two at 7 : 3 0 p . m . As far as we can tell from the posters, the whole deal with this performance has to do with a grip of guys and girls piling on top of one poor foundational sucker, who then proceeds Tickets are $22 general admission, $ 8 students, and free for Calendar. Haha. But what's so ironic is that Calendar, though bestowed with free admission to every event of our choice (perks of being a Calendar.,,,, oh wait, we're lying again) will not be attending this one. No, no we'll be doing something much, much more productive with our time: Watching TV. Tonight join Calendar for the brain-sucha-thon featuring "Power Girls" on MTV at 8:30 p.m. and "Hollow Man" at 8:30 p.m. on Comedy Central. OK, OK-we swear that was the last time we'll lie to you. Today. We're not going to be watching TV. See, normally, we would be, but tonight's special-tonight the one and only organic emcee Lyrics B o r n will enlighten the hip-hop crowd at Ego's ( 6 6 8 S. State) at 8 p.m. for $14. Now if you'll excuse us, Calendar has some unfinished business to attend to: Those damn trained monkeys have unionized and they're demanding more bananas. What do they think they are, chimps!? TREWTUNGSTEN" TRENT WEST jou need to move BACK HOME UTAH SYMPHONY & OPERA Anne Ewers I CEO/Opera General Director Keith Lockhart I Symphony Music Director Find your scholarship opportunities at our re-launched Scholarship Channel. www.dailyutahchronicle.com .; • EXTRA SENSORY SYMPHONY TONIGHT, 7:30 PM OJBBY GARDNER HALL> Come see local favorites Anne Cullimore Decker and Gene Pack, arrayed in late 1920s costumes, narrate while six instrumentalists perform Walton's Faqade. Then hear Wagner's Siegfried Idyll, and Haydn's emotional Symphony No. 49 "La Passione." Robert Henderson, conductor. $8 Student Tickets. A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DREAM THIS SATURDAY, 7:30 PM {CAPITOL THEATBEJ powered by: 'Brake's (Ma You go out, you fall in love, you wake up and he has the head of a donkey...Funny how art imitates life. Experience the romance March 12-20. $10 Student Tickets. 20% off any engagement or wedding ring purchase with your UofUlD card. •OIILT v.ilul ihrouL'h d/liVlb cm ri.i;ul.][|\ priLLil. IKW piirdu^r-. M;i\ 1101 be lomhini'il vviih ;iny oilier ilis-tnim or olki. L Brooks JEWELERS FASHION PLAZA 152 East WinchcsLCT, Murray Email studentdiscount@utahsymphonyopora.org for additional student discounts. Student tickets are selling fast. Call 533-NOTE (533-6683) to reserve your seatal Tm. GATEWAY 157 S. Rio Grande. Sah Lake City Mtwnn AMERICAN GEM Socicrv . |